Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Extemely fatigued from fighting this "new" life of so little joy. 2 yrs. Tried everything anybody has ever suggested. Was unloved almost all my life until I met Joe and we loved so beautifully for 16 years total. Cancer stole that away. I've tried everything I know to make a "new" life,but it is so empty. I just go through the motions trying to do what everyone says I should do. I read the Bible, how much God loves us. He gave us freedom to make choices in just about every area of our lives. Now, my question is, why would he not let us make a decision about when to end our lives? Jesus decided to end his life, by not running away. I'm tired of running. I'm ready to let life snuff mine out. I may choose to end my life. Am seriously contemplating it, along with prayer. My best friend committed suicide at age 42. I never felt anger at him, and I know he is with God, forgiven. When I think of what good I can leave behind, I can leave my children with a pretty good inheritance, and they are one paycheck from being homeless, although all 4 of them (my kids and their spouses) are working fulltime. Life is about to eat up normal, working people who cannot afford health insurance, cannot afford to fix their old cars that break down, cannot afford to take their sick animals to the vet, cannot afford to move out of neighborhoods that are so unsafe due to crime/drugs, etc. The way I see it, I have only one good thing left that I can do for my loved ones is to pass on an inheritance, as my parents did for me. It could make their lives SO much more comfortable and safe. I am just in the was. I will write each of them a special letter stating how much I love them, and that this is just my time to exit this earth. I will be looking down on them, seeing their relief at knowing they will have a home for life for free, a gift from me. I have 2 houses paid for and I have 2 kids. My joy will be knowing that I left them this gift. At 66, so many of my friends and relatives have gone on at younger ages, so my choosing to leave at 66 should be no big deal. i will make sure my kids/grands know how very much I love them before I leave. At least, wherever I end up being, there will be others there like me and there will be no more crying, no more pain. If I stop taking all my meds, I will become sick and maybe die a normal death. I'm sure someone there will love me. i don't want your sympathy because the thought of dying brings me a feeling of peace, like when you have walked all day with a small stone in your shoe and you finally get that stone out. How good it feels then, to walk. I will forever love God, will never deny him. But he gave us free will, and I am ready to go on with the next step of my free will. I feel that the final happiness awaits me. At 66, I could have exited this world at many younger ages. This seems to be a decent age to call it quits. Strongly contemplating this choice. Will pray long and hard before I take the final step. Don't feel sorry for me. Finally I will be being proactive in exercising my free choice.
married again..........the love of my life and when he died 2 yrs ago, my world stood still........it will never have the joy that we shared when he was with me...........I cling to the thought of meeting him again, and know that I am here for some reason........maybe to spend time with my son and his family, helping to ease the pain and regain some sense of normalcy..............think hard about your choice.............praying for strength for you to endure....
L
Kathleen
Counseling when you find the right rapport with one, they should be able to teach you coping skills...to outweigh your emotions. I am hoping this for me, as I see a counselor on the 17th.
I remember on day 40 I did not want to get to day 41....today it is day 371. I also at one time wanted to cut my arm just to feel something different but knew I would be a woman in emotional pain with a wound on her arm, so I didn't. I believe I can feel different, feel joy again. I reflect on the days during this 371 days and do see moments of smiles, laughs...so I know it is there, just waiting to come out. Thinking of those times helps me to hang onto hope...hoping tomorrow will be that day where there is more joy than there is pain.
I hope and pray that today, if not than tomorrow that your joy comes out and shadows the pain..tight, heartfelt hugs to you...
I just read your thread and I read your comments after. I am glad your getting help from your doctor and also going to Church.
I know your pain is smothering you and it is not just that you lost your husband but your days are so long and you do not have companionship in them as you use to.
Caring for your husband, you had no time to feel lonely, sad yes but lonely no.
Do, start looking in to church prayer group, or crafts or a book group, if you have money for a class of art of some type, you can learn to do something for your husband.
For instance, take a art class, do a portrait of your husband, I can not tell you how much of a healing it is to stroke a pencil on a loved ones face over and over, the feeling is like they are really tell you how to draw them.
Learn to crochet or knit, you can make a hat for your grandson.
Another thing you can do is volunteer.
Dear Lord, I Praise Your Holy Name, I lift my friend Kathleen to you right now, she is in such pain and I have no idea how much but You Lord, know her pain. Please send your earthly angels to help her heal from her suffering. Only You can heal her pain Lord, I ask this in Jesus Name,
Amen
Your friend,
Judy
I remember my mother wanting to die. She'd had a horrible life and like you, many of her friends and family had already gone. So she wanted to join them, but having my mother on this planet meant a lot to me. So I told her please don't leave. The people you miss aren't going anywhere and I need you here. So she stayed and was with me during some pretty horrible times, times where I don't know what I'd do without her.
So, imagine your children and grandkids, needing the support and wisdom you have. And wisdom is the gift God gives to those of us who live past our youth. As an older person it is our duty to pass this wisdom on. Other societies understand this and pay great respect to their elders. So, recognize your value--you're more important then a house or anything on this planet that can be lost by a strong gust of wind. Live and be there for your family. Yes, a home is nice, but it's only a place to live. I could care less about a home, but having my mother here on this planet--priceless. So stay and give your family something no one else can give them--a mother and grandmother.
Do people who committ suicide go to heaven. The Catholics and Protestants differ on this account. I was raised Catholic and converted years later, becoming a Lutheran then Pentocosatal. Still, I would never take my life. I wouldn't want to take the chance that I would be welcomed in Heaven. I won't debate it here, but please look at your bible and pray for guidance. I stand by what I said earlier, still I know that the final decision will be made by you.
I will keep this short and to the point - and as kindly and gently as I can say it. Get some help. You need to reach out and get some professional help asap. You have a family who loves you and would not want to lose you, especially to an unnatural death. At this point, you should be well into healing and picking up the pieces of what is left of your life without your loved one. That you are not, is a cry for help. Please seek it out, as it will not automatically come to you.
You will honor your Joe by living your life honorably and giving to others who are less fortunate. Maybe you could volunteer at the pediatric oncology unit, or donate to children with cancer. You need something to live for, to hold on to in order to go forward. We are all struggling with the pain and the hurt, but giving in to it is not the way out of it.
Wish you peace and light.
gloria
Glad that you are taking things one day at a time and have sought help from a doctor as well as getting involved at church. The loving people on this board really do understand and care.
Keeping you in prayers,
Shar
I hope things are going a little better for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs - Jahan