Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Extemely fatigued from fighting this "new" life of so little joy. 2 yrs. Tried everything anybody has ever suggested. Was unloved almost all my life until I met Joe and we loved so beautifully for 16 years total. Cancer stole that away. I've tried everything I know to make a "new" life,but it is so empty. I just go through the motions trying to do what everyone says I should do. I read the Bible, how much God loves us. He gave us freedom to make choices in just about every area of our lives. Now, my question is, why would he not let us make a decision about when to end our lives? Jesus decided to end his life, by not running away. I'm tired of running. I'm ready to let life snuff mine out. I may choose to end my life. Am seriously contemplating it, along with prayer. My best friend committed suicide at age 42. I never felt anger at him, and I know he is with God, forgiven. When I think of what good I can leave behind, I can leave my children with a pretty good inheritance, and they are one paycheck from being homeless, although all 4 of them (my kids and their spouses) are working fulltime. Life is about to eat up normal, working people who cannot afford health insurance, cannot afford to fix their old cars that break down, cannot afford to take their sick animals to the vet, cannot afford to move out of neighborhoods that are so unsafe due to crime/drugs, etc. The way I see it, I have only one good thing left that I can do for my loved ones is to pass on an inheritance, as my parents did for me. It could make their lives SO much more comfortable and safe. I am just in the was. I will write each of them a special letter stating how much I love them, and that this is just my time to exit this earth. I will be looking down on them, seeing their relief at knowing they will have a home for life for free, a gift from me. I have 2 houses paid for and I have 2 kids. My joy will be knowing that I left them this gift. At 66, so many of my friends and relatives have gone on at younger ages, so my choosing to leave at 66 should be no big deal. i will make sure my kids/grands know how very much I love them before I leave. At least, wherever I end up being, there will be others there like me and there will be no more crying, no more pain. If I stop taking all my meds, I will become sick and maybe die a normal death. I'm sure someone there will love me. i don't want your sympathy because the thought of dying brings me a feeling of peace, like when you have walked all day with a small stone in your shoe and you finally get that stone out. How good it feels then, to walk. I will forever love God, will never deny him. But he gave us free will, and I am ready to go on with the next step of my free will. I feel that the final happiness awaits me. At 66, I could have exited this world at many younger ages. This seems to be a decent age to call it quits. Strongly contemplating this choice. Will pray long and hard before I take the final step. Don't feel sorry for me. Finally I will be being proactive in exercising my free choice.
Ann Marie
Those left behind after suicide spend the rest of their lives wondering what they did wrong to cause it and why they didn't stop the person soon enough. If you are so certain your children would be better off without you, when they have already lost so much, why don't you ask them? Shouldn't they have some say in the matter?
I tried to kill myself twice when I was a teenager and thank God I did not. I now believe that suicide is the most selfish thing a human being can do to another human being.
Being homeless is always better than losing a loved one. Losing a loved one is final. Being homeless means you must rebuild.
Do you have the crisis number for the nearest counseling service crisis team?
sending you hugs in hopes that you think of your children who have already lost so much....
-Diana
I sound like I'm just looking for attention, but I am not. When we are in pain, we eventually scream out. I have had so many final life experiences in the last year, I am just reeling, especially concerning my daughter who has distanced herself from me because she wants me to be her automatic ATM machine. She hasn't "loved" me through this grief in any way. She won't call me except when her hand is out. I am closing the ATM, however.
I will call next week for some counseling. Obviously, I'm in a place where I am not moving up, but moving downward. This has got to stop. Thank you, all, for your loving support. I hope I can be there for anyone that finds themselves in this pit and cries out.
Thank you so very much.
Kathleen
I'm sorry it hurts and that your daughter has been so cold to you. I had my sister close by who stood by me and the kids, but a brother who basically avoided me from day one. I know losing family and friends hurts. But you can overcome this, honest.
Love and Hugs, Martha
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes as I read your post and the responses of others. I too understand the agony and the pain you are feeling. My husband of 37yrs. passed from cancer Nov. 2010. While it has been a little longer for you that doesn't mean you should be over your greiving. What you do need however is some professional help. It sound as though your son /DIL is where you need to go and be brutally honest. My son recently was listhening to me talk about how lonely I am and he said: Mom don't forget how much we still need YOU in our life. He is right, we have now taken over that role in absence of their Father. Don't underestimate your importance in their life. When you mentioned a Grandchild, my heart sank a bit. My 4 yr. old Grandaughter is always missing her Papa and has become very protective of me now. My memories of my Grandmother's are treasured and I want hers to be too. Please seek help from your son, neighbor, minister, doctor or whatever you need to do. YOU are loved and needed more than you give yourself credit for. I will be sending you prayers and know you will make the right decision. Remember everyone here has gone or is going through the same tough times and we are all here to help each other.
Hugs and Peace to friend,
Robin
You are a beautiful person, with so much life to share with your family.
My time with my husband, was the only time in my that I knew true love, too.
His being gone, is the worst loss and pain, that I could ever imagine.
I thought of not being here any longer, but, then, knew, I could not inflict such pain on my daughter, and grandchildren. I love them too much.
My prayers and positive thoughts are with you.
(HUGS)
Debi
You are meant to be here, for a reason. Maybe so your grandson has a grandma to love. You have to keep your husband's memory alive also. You are depressed right now, and do need outside help.
My husband committed suicide. You don't realize the pain it causes everyone involved. The pain is because they made a decision to leave you. Not just leaving me, but our children, our grandkids, his brothers, his friends, co-workers. It effects all of the people that love and care about you. How would your son explain to your grandson, that you didn't love him enough to stay.
You have to get help. Talking to someone helps, but meds will probably be needed. I take something to help me sleep, and I have friends that are on daily meds for depression. You will feel better after you get some help. I'll be praying for you. Stay strong, and don't wait.
Paula
You know that we all know and share in some of your feelings, but I also know that what you really want is to end the pain that the loss of your husband has caused. Please know that you can get beyond the pain, there is help out there for you-- Your children want their mother not an inheritance -- You know that. I'm not a psychologist but I have been under the care of one to help me avoid getting to depths I could not handle. I don't know if you were in counseling when your husband died but it's not too late to get the professional help you need to help you process your complicated grief. Part of you is reaching out because you don't want to die, you want the pain to end and a professional can help you get to that point. Here is a number you should call right away for help: call 1-800-273-8255. God led you to write to us and led every single person who has replied to your post here to help you with our words of hope and encouragement. You can live the life you deserve without the pain. We have free will but remember that free will is not be used to hurt yourself and others. We care about you and are here for you! Please make the call!! HUGS! Connie
I have been through two suicides in my family and even though I have sometimes thought it would be easier to end it all, I would never inflict such horrible pain and guilt on those I would leave behind. You just have no idea how bad your loved ones would feel if you left them through suicide.
Please do get help. The overwhelming fatigue you describe is a classic sign of depression. I wish your children could read what you wrote so they would know how lonely you feel, and how much you need some extra love right now.
Besides, we would miss you dreadfully.
So glad you reached out. I'm sure many have also had these kinds of thoughts, but most are not so courageous as to admit it.
Big hugs to you,
Amy
Blessings & Hugs, ~E~
The Best Things in Life are NOT Things! Sometimes we realize this too late.
I had a grandfather commit suicide 35 years ago, and I'm still pissed off at him today. To me, it was the ultimate act of selfishness.
I pray that you find peace and healing.
Big Hugs,
Cathy