Extemely fatigued from fighting this "new" life of so little joy. 2 yrs. Tried everything anybody has ever suggested. Was unloved almost all my life until I met Joe and we loved so beautifully for 16 years total. Cancer stole that away. I've tried everything I know to make a "new" life,but it is so empty. I just go through the motions trying to do what everyone says I should do. I read the Bible, how much God loves us. He gave us freedom to make choices in just about every area of our lives. Now, my question is, why would he not let us make a decision about when to end our lives? Jesus decided to end his life, by not running away. I'm tired of running. I'm ready to let life snuff mine out. I may choose to end my life. Am seriously contemplating it, along with prayer. My best friend committed suicide at age 42. I never felt anger at him, and I know he is with God, forgiven. When I think of what good I can leave behind, I can leave my children with a pretty good inheritance, and they are one paycheck from being homeless, although all 4 of them (my kids and their spouses) are working fulltime. Life is about to eat up normal, working people who cannot afford health insurance, cannot afford to fix their old cars that break down, cannot afford to take their sick animals to the vet, cannot afford to move out of neighborhoods that are so unsafe due to crime/drugs, etc. The way I see it, I have only one good thing left that I can do for my loved ones is to pass on an inheritance, as my parents did for me. It could make their lives SO much more comfortable and safe. I am just in the was. I will write each of them a special letter stating how much I love them, and that this is just my time to exit this earth. I will be looking down on them, seeing their relief at knowing they will have a home for life for free, a gift from me. I have 2 houses paid for and I have 2 kids. My joy will be knowing that I left them this gift. At 66, so many of my friends and relatives have gone on at younger ages, so my choosing to leave at 66 should be no big deal. i will make sure my kids/grands know how very much I love them before I leave. At least, wherever I end up being, there will be others there like me and there will be no more crying, no more pain. If I stop taking all my meds, I will become sick and maybe die a normal death. I'm sure someone there will love me. i don't want your sympathy because the thought of dying brings me a feeling of peace, like when you have walked all day with a small stone in your shoe and you finally get that stone out. How good it feels then, to walk. I will forever love God, will never deny him. But he gave us free will, and I am ready to go on with the next step of my free will. I feel that the final happiness awaits me. At 66, I could have exited this world at many younger ages. This seems to be a decent age to call it quits. Strongly contemplating this choice. Will pray long and hard before I take the final step. Don't feel sorry for me. Finally I will be being proactive in exercising my free choice.