Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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avmom 09/04/2017

I miss my husband so much these days. I feel like I have not had a real adult conversation since he died. Somehow every conversation I have revolves around his death or my future plans without him. I wish I could tell him all that is happening. I just bought my first house and our son just got his first apartment. He was so proud of himself as he didn't need me to co-sign for him. He thanked me for all the support I have been giving him and all I could say is I am trying to do as his dad would have done. In my heart I know he hears me and sees what is going on but I miss his voice and his laughter.

My move is in 9 days and I have been sick to my stomach since I booked my airline tickets. This is it, no turning back. The house is sold, the furniture sold and the rest is waiting for the moving truck. Six months ago I was making a candy bouquet for my husband for valentines day, which he never got to eat because he ended up in the hospital the next day. Now, I am in an empty house with 3 kids and 3 dogs planning on moving 3,000 miles away. I am happy to move, the house holds too many memories. My husband always said he didn't want to die in this town. He wanted to live by the beach, so I bought a house walking distance from the beach. Somehow it gives me confort that he can enjoy it with us some way. I am tired of running into neighbors and acqaintances who don't know how to acknowledge me so they pretend they don't see me or give me that look of pity. But at the same time I am afraid I won't make any friends and will have to depend on my siblings for adult interactions. This could have all been avoided if my husband were here so this is where I find myself. He isn't coming back and I have to keep moving forward.

TeamB 09/04/2017

I think you are brave. It is not easy to sell the home you shared. Or to move. It sounds like you are giving yourself what you need to move forward. I'm still in the town where my husband and I lived together. So many memories. I think about leaving everyday. Don't know where to go.

You'll make friends. In your new place you don't have to be the widow. You can be whoever you want to be. Tell the neighbors how you got there only if you want to. Or not. You can decide. That will be nice to finally have a say in who knows your husband is gone.

avmom 09/04/2017

TeamB - Thank you for your post. No it is not an easy decision but knowing that I had no family here besides my kids has made it easier. For me the turning point was a widow I met who was my age with kids also the same age as mine. She was a widow 15 months when I met her. She talked non stop about her husband, had a shrine of him at her desk and had packed up all their stuff and put it in storage and hadn't touched it in 15 months. His kids stopped talking to her because she wouldn't release any of his items to them. I know everyone deals with things differently but to me she was stuck. She never looked happy and if I would smile or laugh at something she always gave me a look like I was doing something wrong. I just didn't want to be that kind of person. 6 months later and she is still in the same position but now she texts me to tell me how strong I am. I wish she would just take a few steps in her own life to move forward but I can't let that stop me.

TeamB 09/04/2017

I'll be sending good vibes your way for your move. Enjoy the beach. Hope you find some peace.

roxanne809 09/05/2017

avmom, You should be so proud of yourself. I envy your being able to make decisions and to make a move 3,000 miles away. I can't seem to make any firm decisions regarding my future and am so impressed with your being able to do so in such a short time since your husband's passing. I am know this is not easy, but you sure seem to have strength and determination that will help you and your family move forward. Good for you! Roxanne

parrothead1 09/08/2017

thanks for posting that . it helps me to know i have the same feeling and to know you moved on that i can do the same thing. i on the other hand don't want to sell my house but i have no choice my husband was the one that made the money i worked but he made more than me . we had gone through some rough times before he had cancer and had some financial problems and we starting to get back on our feet and he had just got a great job with great pay the best job he ever had and he loved what he was doing and he loved his co workers and they loved him as well and the short time he worked there they became family to me and my boys and still continue to keep in contact with me. they helped me so much when he was sick, my husband worked only three months at that job and so right now i am struggling to pay the bills and don't know where i will go after my house is sold. but i have hope . i am happy for you that you got a new house and by the beach . i love the beach. yes i have to move on and continue as hard as it is. my medical bills are so high don't ever think i will get them payed. when he had cancer i had it twice. but i will just move forward and do the best i can. good luck to you with your move. and the new house , that is exciting. join a church or some groups in the area and you will make friends.
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NoOneKnows 09/08/2017

Avmom, Good luck with your move. Sending positive vibes your way! I look forward to moving to the beach myself hopefully next year. I know it will be scary but that too is where my husband and I wanted to have our forever home. Amy

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