No actual experience with anything specific to that. There are many that have this concept ingrained that one cannot have an actual 'friend' of the opposite gender without it being more than that. I see people as just people and not that male/female thing going on. Some I want to be friends with, and some I don't. It's pathetic there is that competitive feeling going on and someone feels 'threatened' by you. Just hang loose and this male friend may come back around. It is his girlfriend that is having the problem. Still, it is hurtful to you. But he had to make a choice, so he chose patronizing the girlfriend who is the controlling force in the whole matter. If she is controlling that way (it stems from lack of confidence), she will be controlling in other ways as well. He just has to find that out himself.

Yes, I am afraid so. Funny, like you I grew up mostly with my brothers - I have 3 older sisters but was born between the two boys in our family, so always hung out with them. It is all part and parcel with the bizarre misconcept that once widowed we suddenly are immediately looking for a man - any man- as a replacement. It is absurd in the extreme. My married friends suddenly saw me as a threat, despite the fact I didn't want their husbands and in fact wouldn't have wanted their husbands if they were the last men on the planet! Hah!

No one knows what to make of us. And the point when we need the most support is, unfortunately, when we tend to lose that support. It's one of the reasons a lot of us wound up here at DS.

There was a comment made here a long time ago that "grief rewrites your address book." It rewrote mine. I hated it. I am so sorry you are getting this nonsense, too, now. I hope the fiancee thinks better of it, or that your friend realizes that he's not going to have an easy time in his marriage if his fiancee is lacking in compassion now.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I have lost a lot of friends. The thing is, wives step back and grab their husbands arm, when I am near. Like I am out to get their man....The neighbor across the street, told me to stay away from her boyfriend.... They have be in their 70's. He does speak, and wave, and even drop by when I am outside. But not when she is around. We are a threat to wives....lol

I grew up with my husbands brothers I love them they are family since he died it is as if they do not know where I live! It does hurt for whatever reason when people we thought would be there just aren't! Hugs!!

I have had the same thing with a few friends. You'd think we had the plague the way they suddenly avoid us. I guess those are what I consider fair weather friends !!! Needless to say I won't waste my time with them. thankfully I have other friends (couples) that seem to understand at some level. they continue to support me. thank God for them and all of you who totally understand. God Bless chipstears

[[[HUGS]]]

I'm so sorry ...
This is just another thing to add to "This Sucks List" ...
I also got that crapola from my gary friend & neighbors a few weeks after attending Bob's funeral & loading up w/as much food as they could carry-- too funny!
It reminded me of the old Barbara Eden movie "Harper Valley PTA" ...
I'm sure I was looking my sexiest back then! And probably throughout my grief! ...
Somehow, unbeknownst to be me, I also appeared ready to change the nature of my sexual preference ...
As a widow I was a great topic of conversation I'm sure as we all seem to become ...
We're mysterious like that! ... *wink*

Peace & Blessings ...

I was a wing man to a few male friends, they would do something stupid, the GF/ wife would be upset....Who do you think told them to apologize? take her to a movie? do the dishes after dinner. I laughed when one came to tell me her self. Not long after they broke up. Ha. He took her for granted...she said. Sadly all my guys seemed to have followed John in the last couple years, one very good one just a couple years before John. Jealousy is funny, widowhood is not.

It's not uncommon, Mary. I haven't experienced it personally but have heard many stories here. I always was friends with the wife in our mutual friends and have kept most of them. Guess that meant I'm safe. Wonder what that means?? Sharon