Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
So, a "friend" of my husband's has been trying to manipulate. Up to this point, I have blown it off and tried to be civil, but I am NOT feeling very civil lately.
First, this person had tried to tell me that Shane had a conversation with them where he supposedly told them he wanted them to take care of me if anything happened to him. I call bullshit. He had only been friends with this person for a few years... I know my husband... he would NEVER have had that conversation with anyone, let alone a friend of about 3 years. Shane never thought anything was going to happen to him... He never had this conversation.
Now, this person tried to tell me that Shane has "came to them" and told them that they need to lay with me so that I can sleep. First and foremost, Shane would know that this would NOT relax me. I have issues with being touched. I have only ever been comfortable with Shane or the kids/grandbabies being in my "personal space". But perhaps more obvious, is that Shane was extremely possessive. There is no way he would want anyone to "lay with me".
I know that this person is manipulating me... which in itself makes me angry. But the fact that they are using Shane's death to do so makes me furious enough to explode.
I am ready to rip this person apart... I tried to politely say that the things he is saying do not sound anything like the man I knew for 23 years... but he keeps pushing. Apparently trying to imply that he knew Shane better than I did. Any advice on how to deal with this and NOT wind up in jail... because everything in me wants to beat the crap out of this loser.
First, this person had tried to tell me that Shane had a conversation with them where he supposedly told them he wanted them to take care of me if anything happened to him. I call bullshit. He had only been friends with this person for a few years... I know my husband... he would NEVER have had that conversation with anyone, let alone a friend of about 3 years. Shane never thought anything was going to happen to him... He never had this conversation.
Now, this person tried to tell me that Shane has "came to them" and told them that they need to lay with me so that I can sleep. First and foremost, Shane would know that this would NOT relax me. I have issues with being touched. I have only ever been comfortable with Shane or the kids/grandbabies being in my "personal space". But perhaps more obvious, is that Shane was extremely possessive. There is no way he would want anyone to "lay with me".
I know that this person is manipulating me... which in itself makes me angry. But the fact that they are using Shane's death to do so makes me furious enough to explode.
I am ready to rip this person apart... I tried to politely say that the things he is saying do not sound anything like the man I knew for 23 years... but he keeps pushing. Apparently trying to imply that he knew Shane better than I did. Any advice on how to deal with this and NOT wind up in jail... because everything in me wants to beat the crap out of this loser.
Tell him you may have been Shane's friends while he was here, but right now I can only picture him with a double barrel pointed at your head..and I like that thought!
Hugs of support plus proximity in MI... I could drop by with my Machete? and remove all sexual definition from his body?
Jewell
( oh well so much for being nice)
Love to you
Darcie
He was a little irate at first... trying to yell over my words. Saying that Shane wants him to take care of me. I called him a liar.
Hopefully this is the last I hear from him. if not, I do have a lot of guns (Shane was an avid hunter of almost anything, and loved guns), and my husband taught me to shoot.
Honestly...if possible, it might be a good idea to take a mini break, away from home...let the police know you are going out of town, and ask if your house can be checked on... this guy sounds like a grade-a whacko that i would not trust to not try something.. not trying to be alarmist.. but coming over to your house and yelling over you is a pretty good indication that he's not playing with a full deck..
I NEVER saw him again. Done. Sometimes the easiest answer is the best answer.
I think you handled it well. Hopefully he will stay away.
Roz
Hugs,
Val
I spoke with my attorney about this matter, and on his suggestion, I have put "No Trespassing" signs in several locations on my property, and those, combined with the fact that I told him he is not welcome here, make it possible to have him arrested immediately if he returns (otherwise the authorities would just give him a "warning" the first time). My lawyer also made contact with the authorities on my behalf and explained the situation to them. He, like many here, suggested the PPO, and offered to start that for me, but I told him that I will pick up the paperwork in the morning.