I don't know if they will speak to you or not, but it's worth a try if it will give you comfort. I've seen paramedics on tv talking to family members so it doesn't look like it's a rule not to talk to someone

This is ok and it's ok to wonder how it was all going.

In the case of acute cardiac arrest...oftentimes...the person just "gray's out" and is comfortable. I've had friends who have had MI's that were virtually "silent", in that, there was actually little pain and practically no shortness of breath or discomfort.

If they shock with the defibrillator, and it's successful, they wake up and ask "what happened"? This is not at all uncommon either.

The body has it's own way of protecting itself via shock. People who are in horrific situations speak of "time standing still" and feeling like they leave their bodies (Psychological Dissociation).

These are both very powerful mechanisms...

The secretion of Endorphins (Endogenous Morphine) can, oftentimes, accelerate the death of the person...and provide comfort at the same time.

When he "crashed"...I doubt he felt anything. The ambulance crew did everything they could for him, I am sure, and it was just too much for his heart to handle.

Rob apparently was not in any panic, so his discomfort may not have been all that bad, anyway. He was in his mind and functioning right to the very end.

The EMT's worked on my husband in the house and asked me if I wanted to ride in the ambulance. I said I would follow and ride with his son. They did not say he was DOA but marked his time of death at the hospital. I have wanted to follow up and see if I could get any more information on what his status was in the ambulance and what they did at the hospital. I know what I saw when I found him, I know he never regained conscienceness, I know that the information will change nothing...I believe you can get a report from the EMT but not sure about talking to them.

Thank you all .. I think I may just let it go. Like Lin said, the information won't change anything. I've always been a bit OCD with certain things and I guess this is just one of them. I'm glad I made the call to his boss because they got along great (Rob got along with everyone) and he was very comforting. He was in the room with my brother and I when we were told that Rob had passed and being so wrapped in my own grief, it wasn't until I talked to him last night that I realized he was the one having to go back to work and tell Rob's friends. It is a small plant with only about 13 on night shift so they were all like family to one another.

Again, many thanks.
Pam

I had to call the ambulance to my home three times before my husband passed away. I was lucky enough to have him at home with hospice when he finally did pass away but before that he had several episodes where I needed to call. On one occasion he was in really bad shape where I couldn't even get him to know who I was and he didn't have any control over his body. This was brought on by very high ammonia levels. He was taken to the local hospital but they decided that he should go into Boston where he was being treated for the Liver Cancer. They told me he was in tachycardia (Very fast heart rate) and were concern and asked me if he had a living will and DNR. That is when I got really scared. The ambulance ride into Boston was something I never want to experience again. I sat in the front with the driver and the EMT in back with my husband told me if he went into cardic arrest they would pull over so I could get in the back with him to say goodby..thankfully we made it into Boston and he spent a few days there and returned home. But the EMT's were wonderful and
gave me every detail I asked. So I believe if you talk to the EMT's that took care of your husband they would be more than glad to answer any question you have. They also need to write a report on every patient they transport...good luck

Maybe rather than calling the EMTs personally, is there a way I can get a copy of the EMT report? If so, where do I get that from .. is it a report that goes to the coroner or hospital? Agan, thanks so much
Hugs, Pam

I asked this question of the hospital and was told that the Ambulance service would have the report. I have paid the bill but never asked for a report. Again, what would it matter. We search for answers but the end is always the same. It is frustrating as the question goes round and round in our mind but it still doesn't change anything.

Pam,
It sounds to me like you may want to let it got but you can't. Therefore, I would satisfy my self and contact them for the report and also ask if it is acceptable to check with the EMT on duty at the time. Maybe the report will be enough to satisfy you, maybe it will say he wasnt' communicating or somthing. You may not be able to let it go so earlier is better. I also had such of fear of how scared Rob was at the end of his fight, he couldn't communicate too well and was often confused. I did ask him before going into hopice if he was scared, he said no and I go with that. I know myself I just feel so overprotective then and even now if that makes sense. Hug, Donna

I think you should just call them and ask them all the questions - whether they'll talk to you, whether you can see the report, etc. You are next of kin and have certain rights, and it might answer those questions about his last moments.

I had Craig's psychiatrist over for tea one morning recently because I have never understood what was going on with his brain - they scanned it & didn't detect any cancer, but he was not at all normal, way beyond chemo brain - well, I found out that she didn't really know anything, but it was comforting to get what facts there were instead of wondering.

Nothing can be hurt by your calling and trying to find out. Good luck.

Hugs, Gail

I agree with Gail. If it would bring you some peace to call them, I'd do it. Take care.

You guys are right .. I don't think I'll be able to let it go. It's weird how we pick certain things to obsess over. This just happens to be one of them. After reading your responses, I called my dad. He's a retired police sgt and is going to call the fire dept/EMT and ask what the procedure is for getting a copy of the report. Even though I feel confident that there will be no surprises, and like others said, it doesn't change the outcome, I just don't think I can let it go.

I know it's still no new and raw, but there are so many things I "weird out" over. I haven't been able to drive our SUV since he passed .. which is weird because we only had the one vehicle and we both drove it all the time. I went from making sure lights/TV's, etc were always off to leaving EVERY light and TV on all day and night.

I went today to the BMV to have the title and registration to our vehicle switched to my name because Rob's birthday is tomorrow and the plates expire then. That was horrible .. I don't like change anyway and removing his name made me ill.

You all have been so wonderful to me and I cant say thank you enough. God Bless

Pam

I think you have a part of yourself that is still very much in shock and denial...which is understandable.

There's a fear of what he went through.

Then, there's a fear of driving the SUV because you fear to make the connect...in this very physical manifestation of him in the SUV...to feel the absence of him and be surrounded by something he used or he loved...to touch the steering wheel...the seats...the knobs on the radio...where he touched and will not touch again.

I don't tell you this to amplify your pain. But, I do tell you this because you are not "weird" because of this.

Denial is one of our Psychological (and emotional/spiritual) defenses. It will be one that will come down as your are able to handle it.

There is no need to take this on right now.

Lord Jesus, my heart goes out to you.

My husband died of cardiac arrest in the EMS ambulance and I have had questions as well. I talked to the people there when it happened but they just told me he was talking and giving information to the EMS workers until they closed the door. They closed the doors but didn't leave for 15 minutes. My understanding is that they had to shock him and got him back twice but then he died on the way and they couldn't get him back again. I agree with you. The more information I have, the better I handle things. The unknown haunts me. So I asked the people there for all the information they had and that helped. Now I need to talk to someone about what happened in that ambulance. Let us know what you find out. And Tigerpaw, your information was very helpful. Thanks! KT

Pam: My son is an EMT and a more compassionate group of people you will never find. If it would give you some peace, I think you should contact them and let them know you would like to talk the people who were with him during those moments in time. Just be sure they know you are just looking for closure and to fill in some blanks, NOT to criticize anything they may have done. I've worked in health care for over 25 years and its an unfortunate fact that there are many people out there who expend a lot of energy trying to file law suits. As a result, health care professionals can get very paranoid very fast. Try not to take offense.

My professional background is in health information management so I can give you a little guidance about his records. You can certainly request a copy of the report and have a legal right to it. Just be aware that you will have to sign a release of information before they can give it to you. You will have to show that you are the executor of his estate before they can release anything to you. They are required by law to have a release, so don't feel they are putting you off by asking for one, they don't have any choice in the matter.

Also, be prepared to find that there will not be a lot of information on the forms from the ambulance. They are operating under emergency situations and do not do a tremendous amount of documentation. .....and aren't required to.

If you want a complete picture, also request the records from the emergency room. There may be some references to what the EMT's told them when they brought him in.

I hope this helps.


As for not turning out the lights and turning off the TV..... it took me 6 weeks to be able to turn the lights off and walk from my living room to my bedroom in the dark......... It's a journey of about 15 feet! I considered it a major victory the first night I realized I had turned everything off and crossed the room like a "normal person". As for the TV, it's been 8 weeks and I have slept with it on all night every night. You're not being weird.... you're being a widow.

Hang in there, it will get better; but the improvement will be so small and gradual that it will take time to even notice it.

Thinking of you often,

Another Pam

Pam .. thank you so much for assurance that things I'm doing aren't as strange as I think .. even if they are things I've never done before. Also, when thinking about what it is I'm looking for in the line of answers from the EMTs, I think I just want assurance that Rob was painfree and unaware. Rob's boss estimated that the time the ambulance sped away (we assume that's when he suddenly lost consciousness) was about 2:18am. The provisional death statement shows TOD as 2:47am. I know everyone did everything they could in those 30 minutes. It's more for my peace of mind to know he was unaware and painfree.

Thanks for you insight and sharing you knowledge with me .. very much appreciated.

Pam