I don't see much of a future either and I am at 28 months. I am lost with out my husband. I get through the days but I don't like it at all.

Thank you all so much. It is comforting to know there is someone that understands. I can keep busy and distracted at work, but it's so hard to explain to others that just can't understand what we are "still" going through and that we haven't gotten "over it".

I'm so sorry for your loss as well as all the others including me. I'm at 6 months. I'm amazed at how quick the ups and downs can come, especially the downs. My husband was my soulmate and I miss him so. I have limited family and friends, but I do try to keep busy. I'm retired and sometimes I envy people who still work. I'm trying all different kinds of things, but mostly I just go through the motions. I have a sense lately, that I'll keep trying to stay busy and all, but that someday I'm just gonna feel, "ok, I've had enough and I'm just tired of trying because I feel it is truly pointless at my age (66). He was my all. All the busyness like classes, volunteering, activities, reading, TV etc. will never fill the void and I'll,just tire of them all.

April 3 of this year it will be 5 years since I lost my late husband. I felt exactly like you do now for a very very very long time. Of course you do not see a future. You HAD forever and you lost forever. I couldn't even begin to think of forever for years because it seemed like torture to imagine even one more day without my Denny back then.

A caterpillar when it creates it's cocoon and essentially disintegrates into a pile of goo...into nothingness for so long is certain that life is over. And...sadly the life of the caterpillar IS over. It will never be a caterpillar again.

When it (over lots of time) turns into a beautiful butterfly at first when it breaks its way out of the cocoon and tries its new wings it is very very fragile and vulnerable for a long long time.

As it grows stronger, it later flies away. Most butterflies do not look back at their friends...(the other caterpillars). Some do come back to tell the caterpillars that there IS life later on down the road, but it looks totally different and with a totally different view than the one that they are seeing. Some butterflies want to give the caterpillars hope because they remember well how they had NO HOPE for so very long.

But sadly the caterpillars look up and only see these strange flying insects flitting around....not understanding that someday they too will become a butterfly.

I can't tell you what it will look like because the scenery is not the same. Life is not the same. Most of my friends that were there with me through the valley of the shadow of death with me, (that shared my grief time line) are now off on their own and don't come back. A very special few...(our beautiful CL's) and some other very wonderful people that want to give others hope, still come back from time to time.

I have a beautiful life now. It is NOTHING like I had envisioned it would look. But I once again look forward to forever again. It is a different forever...

I have so many beautiful memories of my life with my late husband that I would never ever ever give up for anything. He was such a beautiful human being and I was so very blessed to have been able to be his other half for as long as I was blessed enough to have him in my life.

For now...please just know that there is hope. Hold on to it like I did almost 5 years ago. That's all I had back then and it came from others who suffered the same terrible loss before me.

HOLD ON....

big (((((hugs))))) to you as you place one foot in front of the other...
-Diana

Reading these replies, it just reinforces my total fear of the future. People at 3,4 and 5 years and still so sad and lonely. I won't be able to bear it that long, I know. I get by day to day, but the loneliness, some guilt issues I have, two of the closest people to me being 75 (I'm 67) and knowing they'll go before me, no children, only one other friend my age, not once feeling any sign from my wonderful husband and just general sense of hopelessness will simply not be bearable for too long. I feel something actually went wrong in the universe and this was not suppose to happen, but it did and I can't get back to how it was. I feel like my husband paid the price of his life, in order for me to be punished, which really seems unfair to him. Fear of the future is sometimes overwhelming to me

When the mist is thick, you can't see ahead and need to just look at your feet to see where you take the next step. We worry about the future - do we know we have one? Today is the tomorrow we longed for yesterday.

Hello alhart, My story is very similar to yours. I lost my wife Anne 12 weeks ago to cancer. We were married 34 1/2 years and were just getting used to the empy nest. Once the kids were out we started doing everything together. We had so many plans for motorcycle rides and vacations. We were just getting it together. Since she was my future I too wonder if I have one. I know it is so early for us both but I truly believe that we should take it one day at a time like everyone says. I think that eventually our eyes will be opened to the future that we cannot see right now.

Robbie

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 3 years ago; and in that first year I did a lot of floundering around, a lot of up and down, knowing that my future was in my hands alone, but not quite sure what to do about it or when.I I was so used to being an "us", it was like I had to actually learn to be just "me". It came to me one day that my life was "under construction" and I was the builder. I would always have my memories and gratefulness for "us", but I was in charge of the direction and design of my future. Where you are right now is where you need to be. Everything is still very new for you. You will come to a point where you can begin to think logically about what you want your life to be and what direction you want to go in. Until then, be kind and patient with yourself. Come to this site as often as you need to, the people here are incredibly understanding and helpful. Blessings. sharon

I understand all too well. I lost my husband 10 1/2 months ago We were married almost 50 years, and he was the light in my life. Most days, I'm just glad to get through that particular day. I try not to think about the future; it's too scary. I still work and can occupy myself with my job, but then, suddenly, a wave will come over me and I ask myself, "What for . . . what is anything for any more?" Sometimes my only consolation is to think of the fact that my life with my husband seemed to go by in a blink of an eye -- Maybe the future will too!
DorothyJoan. .

My deepest sympathy to you. I know how horrific the sudden loss of your true love and best friend is. I kissed my wife goodnight last July 7th, and she left us in her sleep. I know how your whole world explodes, and your life doesn't seem real. We all are searching for meaning in life after the worst possible thing that can happen to us, does. Please hold on, and don't give up. Your family and friends love you.Your husband, who is very much alive in a place of light and ultimate love, will be waiting to embrace you, but also wants you to be there for those who he loves, and remain in this physical world, with you. We're going to grieve for a long time, but we will still love our families, and laugh a little with our friends as time gradually allows us to heal a little. I always try to remember what a tremendous success Sharry and I were, and are. No one can ever take that away from you either. Lean on us, there are awesome people here who will hold you up every day. Love and comfort to you and your family. Robert

I am with mgould my husband passed away 7 years ago. It was the hardest think I have went thur. I had just turned 50 and my husband was 55 when he passed away. With us too both of our kids were out of the house married and starting their life. I still just take day to day because I don't know what is in my future yet either. I have to went on vacations some have been fun others I wish I had not went on. But You will not know if you don't take the chance. I know for a very long time I felt very guilty doing things and Al was no longer here to do them with me. But slowly I was able to get out a little more with less guilt. With the help of my grief counselor who I saw for quite awhile sure did help me. Sending you a hug and stay strong!