So Sorry for your loss. This is a Club none of asked to be in but unfortunately we all are here. I hope you get a little help being here, it has helped me some. I am new also, lost my best friend and husband Nov. 10th 2013. I have been lost, hurt, alone and missing him so but I can say the people here are caring, helpful and good listeners. I hope the same for you. one day at a time, well I like to say seconds, minutes, hours, days that is how I take it. The journey we are all on here is lonely, hurtful, painful, miserable but it helps to have people who are traveling it together who can help each other.

Peace and Love

Laurie

I am so sorry alhart - what you feel is exactly what all of feel. I lost my wife 2 months ago and I don't see a future either. What you are feeling is normal. My kids are grown and on with their own lives so I live alone as well. The emptiness is unbearable I know. Same with just going through the motions. I don't know if it helps you to know you are not alone with this feeling or not but you are not alone. You can see from the stories here this is a lot of pain out there. I wish you the best as you try to get out of the "fog" you are in. I am still trying myself. You will see from some posts here that you will get out of the fog eventually. I know you can't see it now, either can I but they say here you will. I wish peace for you.

Its almost that we cant imagine a future without our spouse. However there is a future and God has a plan so we go on. Going on 3 months, my key has been to stay busy and rested. If I have time on my hands or am overtired it gets unbearable. This is is wonderful and a great help. God bless.

Hello, Alhart. I may not be the best person to counsel you here, as my husband passed suddenly, and about the same time yours did. I agree that the future you two envisioned for yourselves suddenly disappeared, so in a sense, your "life" vaporized just as his did. BUT, we all have been through the phase of just going through the motions and feeling it is for nothing. And, I have been comforted through reading the posts of those who lost their spouses longer ago, that there is a future which will be different than we expected, but that can hold joy and contentment. I hope that for you and for me, and for all the others here that are still working toward that goal. Hugs, Alice

Hello, I am so sorry for your loss for I loss my husband very sudden. I am new to this site so hope it can help us both.

Hi alhart;
Welcome to the club that nobody wants to belong to. My wife died this past June 7th of cancer, so I'm just over 7 months. We also were farmers and worked side by side for over 50 years. We had no children so ours was always an empty nest, but now really empty.
You will find here people from every walk of life and I'm here to tell you that we all hurt the same. So feel free to spill out whatever you want, you will soon realize that we all know what you are going through.
My deepest sympathy for your loss and hoping that you find help here.

Best Regards, George

alhart... I too, am so sorry for your loss. We are all in the same boat together.....Sandee

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away suddenly in July and we were married 37 years. We were living a great life, being retired, spending every minute together. He leaves such a huge void. I keep going, trying not to let life get me down too much. Some times are more difficult than others. I am glad you found this site, it has been such a huge help to so many. Take care....Patricia

I also am truly sorry for your loss. I totally understand the inability to see a future. At the one year mark for me things seem less bleak but still very confusing and yes sad at times. I continue to put one foot in front of the other because as many have said to me what choice do we have. God bless. Gerald

My husband passed away a little more than 4 years ago when I was 54. The thought that I could possibly live another 30 years seemed unbearable and something I could not stand to think about. I was totally unprepared - had 3 children at home, lots of debt, with a house that seemed to be falling apart. Trying to think of a future was upsetting so I made it a point not to think about it anymore.

It is hard now to believe that 4 years have gone by - in some ways it seems still like yesterday. But, I have different friends. I work lots of hours but I'm in the same house and slowly making it better. Don't know how long I'll stay in this house because I'm still underwater but for now it is good.

The future is no longer hard to think of. I see many things I can do. Trips I can take with friends or groups and things are calm and settled. I've gone on a few vacations and I've had fun.

I have no desire to get married again and I fully expect to see my other half one day - so many signs that I have no doubt. There are times that are still hard but I have accepted things as they are - there is nothing else I can do.

Don't even attempt to imagine a future at this point - there is nothing to be gained by that. You are way to early in this journey to even think that way because the future is not something you can look forward to at this point. But, I believe in time, you will find that things will change, and you will be able to look at a different future and be okay with it.

So sorry........ but it will get better.......

Hi, So sorry for your loss. It's hard to see a future, when we're struggling to make it through the day, when the person we've shared our life with is gone. Sadly going through the motions is the only way I know to get to a future.
I'm just very grateful for my new friends on this site. As I make to the end of the day, it gets a bit easier, and then some days not. This alone stuff is very hard.

I am sorry that you are in our group of loss. This is a good place. I just want to say that our minds ability to help us is phenomenal. Going through the motions is exactly what you need to do until you get other things situated.
We all understand here. Keep coming back.

You have to keep living as if there was a future - until there is one. I am still working on it even though four years of my non future has turned into four years in my past.Learn to live in the NOW. that is, every flower, every new day, every smile must be fully enjoyed for what it is - the very fact that it passes, makes it a fleeting treasure, but one that you had, not one that slipped past you unoticed.

I agree with those who say "don't try to plan the future right now." Just concentrate on each day as it comes, be thankful for everything you see as a blessing (home, car, family, church etc.). You are too traumatized to try to imagine the future; your life has been turned upside down. It takes time for the "lost in the fog" feeling to lift after losing a spouse. Take good care of yourself physically; come to this site often for encouragement; think about joining a local grief support group if available. Wishing you peaceful days - Doye

I am glad you found this site, there are so many people here that care. I found myself feeling overwhelmed if I looked into the future. I had to sit back, take some deep breaths, and refocus on one day at at time. This year I plan to move closer to my son and his family, but it will take some time and effort. Once I made up my mind to do that, I nearly panicked with the thought of what I had to do. So I finally had to re-direct my thinking, and be realistic. Of course we have all heard, Noah did not build his ark in a day. I just think of Noah....Take care Patricia