You are correct, Nettiec - those who aren't widowed can't comprehend the raw pain and deep loss we feel. The holidays are tough, especially so soon after losing your husband. Just know that everyone here CARES and will understand whatever you share.
Hugs - Doye

Welcome NETTIE, so sorry you had to find us. I lost my Ben to cancer in January and I struggle daily. Post as much as you need to about your feelings as there is not one of us here who won't understand......we are here.

Hugs
Jen

Nettie, I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand what you feeling right now. We refer to the grieving process as a roller coaster because your feelings, emotions and thoughts go up, down, up and sometimes just stay in one place.

The fog that you're feeling is almost a protective barrier for you. Allow yourself to FEEL but don't try and fight the fog, it will become apparent later why it's there for now.

It's the toughest journey I have ever been on and I've lost both my parents and a sibling. Losing my soul mate is a challenge that far exceeds any other loss.

Take care of you and try NOT to make difficult decisions right away. Give yourself time. There will be enough of the "red tape" stuff to fill your head and heart for now!

We are all here for each other. Some of us have been here for years and some of us, like you, are very new. It doesn't matter when we became widowed, we are accepting of each other.

Warmly,
Roz

I am so sorry for you loss Nettiec, It is a struggle, take it a day at a time, or a minute at a time if that is all you can handle. Your emotions are raw right now, living in a fog. Knowing our loved ones are safe and at peace gives us comfort, but doesn't ease the grief that we feel. Take your time and don't try and fight the emotions, cry if you need to, and please come here as often as you feel the need. We all really do get it. Hugs Katrina

I am so very sorry for your loss! Coming to this site was the best decision I ever made since my husband passed. I find wonderful people, understanding, compassion and support. I don't know where I would be without them. Please come here as often as you like, we do understand this lousy journey you are on. Hugs and Love, Michele

I'm so sorry, Nettie. We're all traveling this rough road together. Some here are at the beginning, like you. Others are further on, but we all understand the devastating pain you are feeling right now. Take care of yourself and come here often. You've found a great group of friends.

Linda

I understand what it is like having such raw pain. many people think that our beliefs should/will solve our pain in grief. but it doesn't. That makes it very hard to open up with others about what we are going through. some people close the door on you sharing, if their answers don't cure you.
That won't happen here.

So sorry for your tragic loss. We understand the agony of losing the partner that we were supposed to have fun with in retirement...

Nettiec, I am sorry to hear of your loss, and you are in the right place.

I lost my wife in September of of 2014, suddenly and without warning. I have to admit I don't really remember the Holidays much last year, as I was still in that state of fog, and just going through the motions. I have found that this year is much harder, and I have no desire to celebrate them or acknoweldge them in anyway.

We are all here for you, while we all grieve in different ways and no two of us are the same, we truly do understand where you are at, and what you are going through.

Please during these first few months, remember to take care of you, eating, sleeping, at least as much as you can are very important.

Try not to make any major decisions, until you have had time to grieve, and get through the shock and realization of what has happened. Some may try to get you to make decisions, but if you are not ready, then you are not ready and that is all there is to it.

There is no right way or wrong way to grieve the loss of your spouse, only your way, take your time and don't try to fight it - grieving is natural and we need to do it to heal.

Hi Nettiec, I'm truly sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in October too, and can understand the feelings like many others on this site. I read a lot before actually writing & realize that writing about it & also reading about other widows/widowers comments really does help on smoothing some of the edgy thoughts & feelings. You will find many caring people here. They can not take pain away, but will help you breath with much needed insight. Welcome, Hugs Meg

Hi, Nettiec. I lost my husband to a very aggressive cancer as well. Four weeks after diagnosis. Like you, I have learned that the only ones who "get it" are those of us who have been through it/are going through it. Two books are been extremely helpful for me. "Reflections of a Grieving Spouse" by H. Norman Wright and "When Your Soul Aches: Hope and Help for Women Who Have Lost Their Husbands: by by Lois Mowday Rabey.
This is a good place where you can speak and cry freely. We get it.

A year ago I was at the same place you are now. My husband passed away of a heart attack on October 29, 2014. He was a week away from his 53rd birthday. We had been married 26 years. I spent the holidays in a grief-stricken daze.

I know it doesn't seem like it now, at least it didn't to me, but it does get easier with time to cope. I still don't really feel like celebrating the holidays. I think about and miss my husband every single minute of every single day. But I feel like I am in a better place mentally and emotionally compared to a year ago. It will happen for you too in it's own time. This is a good place to come for comfort, support and understanding.

Welcome, Netti, and I'm sorry for your loss that brought you here. I'm Sharon, one of the community leaders along with my friends Cliffskat and Marjoe. We've been helped by this group to live with our loss and stay to keep the site safe and share our experiences with others attempting to work through the emotions. My husband died 10 weeks after being diagnosed with lung cancer. He passed away here at home with hospice help. The memories that are so painful now will give you peace in the future, but for now just take baby steps on the days you can and be patient with the hard times. Sharon

I went to a counselor yesterday and we talked. She said its ok to have a pitty party for yourself. Its ok to have a good cry. She said this roller coaster has a start but no end. She said you will find things that work for you and things that don't work for you. For example ,writing a journal .maybe a letter to your spouse and tell him about your day or your week . She said also try to write atleast 3 positive things a day down. It can be very simple things such as just getting up and getting things accomplished even if it is just washing one load of clothes or drinking a cup of coffee or whatever it is. I told her it was like for the first few months a fog and now the fog is lifted reality hitting. I plan on meeting with her atleast once a week. She said it was a positive just to come to her. She said In this process and what I felt is completely normal and we aren't alone. She asked me on a scale from 0-10 how I rated myself. (10 is basically you feel great and unstoppable and full of life/energy and everything is in place-). I rated myself a 2 and she asked me why and I said manly because of loneliness /frustration about it. She asked me to tell her her my support system was and I laughed and said if you want me to be honest -not really anyone. People are just talk. I told her about joining DS and she said that's a positive note.

Hi Netti. I just joined the group too, so hope you don't mind if I tag along. I also lost my husband to cancer in late September. He was only sick for a year, but had a terrible fight. Losing your soul mate is terrible and cancer adds an extra dimension.. A friend who had lost a partner told me that its not even a day to day journey, but sometimes a minute to minute journey. I hope we can all find peace together as we travel this road.