It represents to me that this guy you went on a date with is not patient or understanding about your loss. I think if someone said anything to me like that I would have simply walked away and not answer the phone when they call. You need support, not someone that is telling you what is best for you. The world is full of advice, but we have to go with what we feel is best for us.

At this point with my spouse, being gone for six months, he would have not liked my response. But it sends a red flag, that at this time you don't need drama, and comparing him with your husband would surely come into play mentally.

Scouserboots
Thanks for your reply. I'm not going to see him or talk to him anymore it just floored me that someone can tell you how to feel about such a great loss.

Was he out of line...yes. Should you waste your time on him....no. Make that a hell no. How would I react? There are not enough four letter words in the world I could use in one sentence as I headed out the door. Keying his car comes to mind here.

Maggie

I'd say get rid of him now. He is only thinking of himself and his wants not yours.

I'm a guy and I say ditto to what everyone has said. How dare he? That's what I would have thought.

Glad it was only the first date with this guy, and that you hadn't wasted any more time with someone that insensitive.

But sorry this had to take place on your first date after losing your husband.

Ditto. I would follow Scouserboots without hesitation. You don't need this aggravation.

Another vote for scouserboots response. Walk away. One word for what you experienced. Insensitive. I am so sorry you were exposed to someone like that. Gerald

Do yourself a big favor and drop the creep like a bad habit ... at least you found out on one date...

I`m 49, it has been just over a year since my husband passed and I sometimes wonder about dating but know I`m not ready yet, to me it took courageous efforts on your part to actually take that step. Yes in order to move on you will eventually not let the past invade your life but it will still have an important part of it. The past is what made you who you are now as a person so of course you can`t let go of it , it is how you carry it with you that matters. Your date clearly did not know how to understand and be companionate. Insecurity was probably also part of his problems if he felt the need to dictate how you should feel.
I know friends who are an awesome couple, she was a young widow and he was a divorcee when they met. When we were talking recently , he mentioned that when they first met, they talk every night for months about her losing her husband and what it meant before they even decided to actually go on a date. he said that he understood that she needed to process the emotions that would come with dating and that he was willing to wait. Now that is what I would hope each and everyone of us who would decide to venture into the dating world would find, even if we don`t intend to have a relationship. The gift understanding ...

I would drop this guy in a second. He has no understanding and lacks compassion big time.
I've been widowed almost 3 years and have just started to go out. The first couple of men were very similar to the one you are talking about. I sent them both packing. I now have gone out with a different fellow three times. He is just right. No pressure what so ever. He seems to understand and is always a 100% gentleman.
Don't get stuck with someone who has so little empathy for your feelings.
Good luck and best wishes.

He sounds like a person who has never lost a spouse. He's got Bonanza Syndrome. I made up the name, but it happens to people who've watched too many episodes of TV where the person loses someone in an episode, and next week they are all fine and dandy, moving on with life and the loved one is never mentioned again.

Little Joe and the gang on Bonanza would love deeply and the girl always died at the end. It was like a joke, but sadly a whole generation out there expects it of all of us who've lost a spouse.

I'm not saying to stop seeing him, but don't expect any compassion about losing your spouse from him either.

kick him to the curb... he is not making it easy for you, and making you feel bad...

I would tell him it was an inappropriate comment for a first date. And, I wouldn't talk about my husband anyway, that's my private place that no one invades unless I say it is okay. Then I would tell him very bluntly to go straight to hell, and take a cab home.