I will have two young adults home with me so I am planning to go through the motions for their sake. Otherwise it's just like any other day for me--just get through it in one piece. For New Year's I am going away so that it will be something totally different. I'm sure one January 1 arrives most of us will be heaving huge sighs of relief. Until Valentine's Day, that is.

I also put up a tree...my son is 14 and as every year he is excited about Christmas. I am not going to take that from him...if it was just me I would not put one up. My in laws will be coming for a visit for Christmas and my daughter (she has her own place) is helping out by having Christmas dinner at her place. I will put a smile on my face, as I do every day...because my mood effects the kids too much.
You can do whatever you feel like doing...but I would suggest planning something ahead of time so you don't get even more depressed. Hang in there I know it's hard.

I have to add my two cents since you asked. How we will I make it through the holidays is to be kind to myself and allow all of my feelings and understand that because I loved so deeply, I hurt so deeply. I will allow all of the memories because they are my loved ones gift to me and to our children and grand children. Will it be hard. Yes, so...so ...so very hard!!

I will put one foot in front of the other. I will keep moving and not let the sadness keep me in bed with the covers pulled up over my head. If that is what I needed to do to honor my feelings, I would do that, but that does not work for me and only makes me more and more sad.

I will breathe, and breathe, and breathe.

I was determined that I would not get a tree, but I was on the way home one day and this is what came to me in my husbands voice...

You havta get a tree. I argued with myself for quite awhile and I gave in and got a tree.

God bless you and keep you during these so so hard days.

Many hugs..

-Diana

I would love to go to midnight Christmas mass but really don't know if I can do it by myself. I haven't been to a midnight mass in years....Will have to really think hard on this.......This Christmas will be a rough one!!!

I have not put a tree up for the past few years as my sons are big now. I don't want to do the hub bub that goes along with Christmas. I have been invited to my son's future inlaw families' home o I am looking forward to ing there. My cousin wants us to have Christmas there so if I go there it will be ever so brief. Robert has nt bee to her house for years so there are only old memeories there. My cousin goies through too much hub bub with the gifts and stuff and I just cannot do that this year.You have to do what you feel you can handle.

I feel that cancer took Paul away from me but i will not let anything take away our christmas traditions. Paul loved christmas and he would be very upset with me if i didn't celebrate Christmas and make it special for our children and their spouses and our 6 grandchildren...I will do the best to keep his love of the holidays alive ..

Today is the one year mark for me; he died on Dec. 5th 2008. I went through the motions last year, sent out cards, put up the tree, spent the afternoon before Christmas at my daughter's place and all was well until I got home in the evening by myself and then I just sat in front of the tree and cried. I agree with Sayh43 that you should have something planned so you don't just sit there depressed. This year I have more interest in Christmas and since I recently moved to a smaller apartment I bought a smaller tree and will start fresh with new ornaments, new tree, new traditions. I will still feel sad, but at least I will be in charge of my life this year and not just going through the motions on autopilot like last year. My advice would be to do what you feel comfortable with, and skip some of the get-togethers with people if you find it too hard, but find something to do other than just sit and cry. laurabp

I've scaled down Christmas since losing Don. I got a smaller tree. Picked out the decorations that I like the best to put around the house and still have it festive. I can't do the decorate every room like I did in the house, it became too much.
This is easier and I find it a nice compromise. sharon

well, put up the tree, decorated the front porch, and some of the decorations around the house we always did, but not all of them. It was a kind of bittersweet project, but not depressing like last year,
This time I had Christmas music playing, mixed a drink, and toasted the Christmas Angel on top of the tree and it was good.
The first on alone is so very hard, be easy on yourself and do what you are comfortable with and can handle. Hugs and thoughts go out to you...
Fred

I plan to get through it by scaling back on everything and concentrating on the spiritual significance of the day. My only wish was for us to be all together and I got my wish so I will count my blessings. But lets face it-it will be a day to be endured. I could cry right now thinking about it.

That first Christmas is a rough one. I tried to do everything the same and they all gathered here but I barely remember it... it was like I was watching from a distance as everyone else celebrated. The next year I downsized and had Christmas at my daughters. But my son moved in and he has custody of his two little ones so this year I have to show them the best Christmas ever it is what my husband would have wanted. I know how bad you feel but it will get easier in time. Hugs!!!

First Christmas: Very hard; thought I couldn't go through it. Before opening gifts, as was our family tradition, the Christmas story from Luke was read by our grandchildren. Tears flowed as I smiled with pride, knowing that these dear grandchildren were accepting the baton that had been passed by their grandfather. When our children were yet toddlers (now 41 and 39), this was my husband's missionto help them comprehend what Christmas was really all about. The prospect of what lay beneath the tree was put on hold while this custom was voluntarily accepted (I can guess that their insides were squirming to rush the treelet's be real, huhbut they never let on). We cried buckets of tears that first year, laughed while remembering silly things from the past, and all did their best to support the other. I was overwhelmed with the blessings of his legacy.

Second Christmas: Better. Excited about massive activity in the house once again. At least for a while the silence would be absent. It was better than the first Christmas and almost tear-free.

Third Christmas: Much, much better. Anticipated the laughter of our family. This was the year that I made the decision that this grandma didn't need any more material gifts. When asked the anticipated question, "What would you like," I answered the grandchildren, "Memorize a block of scripture that's meaningful to you and quote it to me on Christmas morning." They didn't know I was going to give them "homework." :>) I went out on a limb on this one! I didn't want them to dread Christmas morning, but decided to go ahead with this unusual request and see how it panned out. Boy was I surprised when we spent almost an hour discussing each of their scriptures and why they were important to them. They chattered like magpies. There were amazing thoughts running around in those minds. Teachable moments!

Fourth Christmas: Enjoyed. It was good to see that the family hadn't perished emotionally over the last four years but had grown stronger and even more protective and compassionate toward one another.

Upcoming Fifth Christmas: Looking forward to it. Expectations of mutual love and respect. That will be enough for me. TJ

I used to absolutely love the entire holiday season. I would plan, shop, decorate, cook, bake, wrap . . . . the whole nine yards. Now it's almost more than I can stand. Today I ran to Target and got so overwhelmed by the Christmas music and crowds I couldn't get out of there fast enough. The only "solution" I have come up with the past two holiday seasons is to take my kids and travel. It's just too hard to stay home. My daughter (age 16) wanted to decorate this year, so I let her but I have zero interest anymore. I tried to avoid the whole thing. Maybe that will change the more holiday seasons we go through. I think we just have to find whatever works for us. I have accepted that the traditions we used to have as a family are unimportant right now. The kids and I work hard to build NEW memories. Counting the days until the new year . . . . Tami

Thanks to all of you for your kind replies and suggestions. I've decided to hang a wreath on the front door and put out the Christmas flags. It will be a solemn day, but my son is going to cook dinner for me and I'm hoping to have a few friends here to help me get through. I'm so appreciative to each of you for taking the time to share your thoughts.

My son & wife and their 20 month daughter live with me, so never a dull moment. She decorated everywhere: kitchen, den, living room. Every bush & trees in the front yard, very pretty hate to see the Jan utility bill:) It has been a year 12-8-08 loss husband, just taking each day step by step. I am spending Christmas with daughter in Alabama, will be my first air trip without husband to hold my hand, hate to fly especially alone, another first in a long line of many to do alone. Trying not to stress out over anything. Life is truly a trip. Take it one day at a time:) Remenber the good memories that you shared, some will bring a smile and some will bring tears!!!!