I'm sorry for your pain. I don't know what to say about the lonelyness. I'm still fighting that one and it's been a year and a half. The more lonelyness I feel the more depressed I get. I take one day at a time. I think time will be the healer.

Hi Snapper. My name is Scott and I've survived a little over 2 years of grief and it's aftermath. You will survive it as well. Certainly, this is the absolute worst time of your life. But the sooner you can grasp that death is a part of our collective human experience, then use the strength of those that have gone before you. And I mean that in far broader terms than just here. Losing a spouse is no new thing. It's been with us since a man and a woman started hooking up. Remarkable people have risen out of these very same ashes. For me, the loneliness was the worst. At about a year and a half, I saw a puppy, knew she was mine, and bought her on the spot with absolute no planning on my part. I don't know how many times I said I'd never have another dog after my pit bull died of cancer from tainted dog food. But there she was. Named her, Blue (short for Blue Jean Baby Queen, taken from a one-hit wonder Rock On by David Essex.) Blue has really helped fill that void of loneliness, and I am so fortunate because she comes to work with me everyday and stays in the warehouse office 3 of us share. She's become a mascot of sorts. At some point, if and when you are ever ready, friends and dating, even relationships offer temporary relief. But I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever have even near to what I did have for 30 glorious years. Companionship, whether by a pet or a person, has been a huge help to me in overcoming the loneliness. Hang in there. Only time will heal these wounds. ~~~ Scottie

Only time will heal these wounds in your heart, but if you're still in grief and feeling lonely in the house. downsizing your home to move out for a fresh start is not a bad idea. its hard to let go of the strong memory or the past but its better to try to move on than to stay in grief.

Thank you all for your responses. In my mind I know all of this. I was a health care professional for close to 40 years before I retired 3 years ago, and certainly saw my share of death, sat many days holding hands of men and women who just lost their spouse, and hours and hours talking to grieving children and family members. But like I've heard so many times - it is so different when it happens to you. I am trying hard to do all the right things. And I try hard to keep up a "good front" for family and friends. But once the day is coming to a close, and everyone has gone home, the house is quiet - even with my beloved pets around for comfort - it is still SO quiet because I don't hear all the little noises that he used to make. He walked around the house whistling - which irritated the hell out of me. My - now I sure wish I could hear that whistling again!

Snapper I am a little over 3 months since my husband of 30 plus years died and I am the same way, I try not to let people see the grief to the best of my ability. I then go home to a quiet house after work where the loneliness is unbearable. I have music and or the TV on just so it is not quiet. Funny the things that irritated us we would take back in a nano second. I started going to griefshare last night during the video a quote stuck out to me " you have to hurt to heal " so loneliness is part of a hurt and day by day sometimes minute by minute we will heal. Take care.

Tomorrow will be one month since my husband passed away. There was no warning. It is tough going home after work, but I have accepted that he is not coming back; and, from what I understand, that is one of the hurdles one must go over. I don't cry all the time, but yesterday I was at the DMV. I looked down at the paperwork and saw some information written in his handwriting. That did me in. Little by little I am coming to realize that I have to rely on me. I miss him with all my being.

Ladybjt- I totally understand. John and I were in the process of having a new home built. We had gone through the loan process and were approved. After his death, I had to apply for a new loan and resign all if the papers to take his name off of the contract for the house. Seeing his signature in all of the paperwork was devastating. I'm glad I was home alone when all of the paperwork came in.

I understand how your feeling. . I've been there. I had to take my husband of 35 years off life support. I laid with my head on his chest and heard his hear stop. It only beat 5 times once he was off life support. I live with guilt even though he had a medical directive stating his wishes. The Doctors declared him brain dead after 3 heart attacks in one night. That was 2 years 6 months and 21 days ago. Since then I had to clean out our 4500 square foot home that we had for 25 years. It took a few months as he had every tool and building thing possible. Then I had to get rid of most all my furnishings. I sold our beloved home and bought a small condo. Three bedrooms but small after leaving our house. Then my beautiful first born daughter died of cancer. 11 months later my only son died. That was 2 months ago. I had to sell the condo for more room because my second daughter got involved with drugs and I had to take her 4 girls in so I bought another house for all of us. Now I have been diagnosed with incurable cancer. The only thing I can think about is getting prepared to die and provide for my g/daughters after my death. I pray they will be okay. But I also prayed that my husband wouldnt die and that my daughter wouldn't die and that my son wouldn't die. I found out God says "NO" a lot. I just wish so much better for you. I still cry everyday and the loneliness has gotten worse for me. I hope your healthy because if your healthy you will be okay. Just know time and circumstance in your life have a lot to do with how you cope. I pray your circumstance are better then mine and I wish you well. Take care of yourself. Linda

You sound strong with dealing with picking up and continuing with the build and move. For me it is coming up 15 months without my hubby of 42 years, not sure how I made it this far, lots of changes in my life. I have dealt with the loneliness, by getting involved and keeping busy.
The best thing I did was join a Meet-up group, most cities have them now, I have met such great people and I am active 3 times a week with them. I also joined the lawn bowling club near me, lots of fun. These things do not take away the hurt, but they pass the time, most often with lots of laughs, that is important. At the end of each day, I think how happy my hubby would be knowing I am not, sitting home feeling sorry for myself, that is the last thing I feel anyone who has passed would want for us left living... yes we have to live after acceptance of our loss. (HUG) to all who need one !!!