I wish I could give words of wisdom.. I have made a new life new apartment new job. Still alone on one hand I do not want to be alone and on the other I am frightened to put myself out there. But as long as we can get up and put one foot in front of the other there is always hope. I am okay but what I want is what I had and I know I have to give up that thought before I can find what I need now.

All right. You are in your new life. For better or worse, this is your life, every second, every day, every step. I think what is more important is how do you learn to accept and finally enjoy your new life. No hard and fast rule here are timelines. Just some pointers that I have picked up in my four year journey.

1. Nurture yourself. Take the time you need to process your emotions. Be kind to yourself and try to care for yourself. Try to eat well and try to get enough sleep. Exercise when you can. It all seems pointless at first but it adds up and really helps.

2. Take risks. I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone and did things I never did when I was with my husband. In fact, I avoided things we did together so I was not comparing. Oh that is not the way we used to do it. I tried things that at first I wasn't even interested in. In doing so I found new sides to myself. You really need to push yourself forward and try to be in uncomfortable situations sometimes. It leads to growth. Going to an event by yourself, eating out alone, again nothing big, but it all adds up. And you never know what you will find out about yourself.

I think in the end you need to be open to a new life. You have to believe that good will come into your life and that is hard for us as a group. We know that terrible and horrific has already happened and it is hard to believe in wonderful and happy. But good is out there. Life will never be perfect, it wasn't pre loss, but it can be good, fulfilling and lived well. In the end, it all a matter of belief and calculated risk.
Hugs,
Val

I was widowed at 28 and finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up. I think the first thing to do is find out just what your definition of a new life is. Set some groundwork. A new life does not have to revolve around a man. There are many other things that can give you purpose in life. At 48 you are even young enough to start a new career that you might enjoy.

Maggie

Hi Liz, You might try many different things till something sparks your interest. You say there are a lot of older people at therapy. IAfter I was widowed two months I knew I had to start somewhere. I joined a bereavement group at church. I was 67 and many of the ladies were older. I noticed that they seemed to have it together and had made progress. My goal was to be like them. I started by inviting small groups over for light lunch or just cake and coffee. I looked at them like they were big sisters. They were a great source of comfort and so kind. There were dinner dances at church. I wasn't excited about going and sitting at the singles table while so many had a partner but I went anyway with the group and had an OK time and a few dances. It was a start. Whatever you do try to have an open mind. You'll be doing something good for yourself. Just getting dressed up and having a place to go will make you feel good.. These groups are welcoming. Please give it some thought. Then take that baby step. You can do it. Hugs, Dolores

At almost 14 months, it has all been baby steps. I have finally learned how to say no. I just to go into survival mode and do what I was able to do or want to do to keep it all together, if that makes sense. My husband and I did so much together, just extremely attached at the hip. I joined two support groups and the ladies took me under their wing. One group disbanded, but I still get together with three ladies. I do so much with girlfriends, but I understand what handg meant of having male energy around. I miss someone knowing me or just going through the world with that special person. It is not being needy because I can care for myself and figure it all out, but it is having that special person when you come through the door to share your day with, put on a pair of sweats and watch a good movie with or a special tv show. One married friend said to me "oh you aren't going to be the kind of person now who needs a man." Well, she has a husband. Another remark I can add to my list of unkind remarks. For energy cleaning the house, just do the best you can and not beat yourself up.