I lost my husband of sudden heart attack also. Went to CO to visit his Mom in nursing home, never came back home to WA. Same thing no life insurance, and I just had his ssi to fall back on as my job with Forest service I was riffed and he did not want to move to another job I could have had just 2 years prior. Now I am working at the school as a para pro @ age 65. I am surprised I liked it.

Starting over financially was really tough, I do not know how I managed, and sometimes how I manage our 5 acres with 2 horses, 2 dogs, and cats but I do.

Its tough missing them, learning to be on your own when your life was set until old age or so you thought. You take steps forward, backward, forward, and find your way. Sometimes tough, sometimes amazingly well. For me the loneliness is still there, not the living alone anymore just loneliness. I found here to survive, and read some good books that helped. So many around us do not truly understand altho' they may or may not try. So come back here and write what you feel....many have been there and still are...
Hugs from PNW

Oh girl, I know exactly how you feel. Today make 6 weeks that my Johnny has been gone. I've run the gauntlet on emotions. I heard a preacher a couple of weeks who seemed as if he was talking to me. He spoke of living life in 12 hour increments. I don't do it that way. I get through one chore at a time, waking up and 6:45 to get dressed for work, the drive to work, the 9 hours at work, the drive home and then the getting home. I don't think any further than what's next, to plan hurts to bad. I have some really great family and friends and keeping busy helps me a lot. The worst part is the coming to an empty home. I am so thankful that I have Kenzie my little chihuahua, she welcomes me home so joyfully that it makes it better. Some days are better, and some days are really tough. In those times I make myself get up and do something. My Johnny was a hard worker who hated to sit around. I remember often how he would "piddle around" and find myself doing it too. I hope that knowing that others know exactly how you feel, will help you to know that you are not alone.

I am so sorry. I felt desperate to talk to other people in the same situation - but other than online it was quite a while before I did.

Look into support groups online - or even meetups in your areas. I now regularly meet with a group of widows/ers once a month that I met through meetup.com. There are so many in your same situation and for me it really helped. I felt so much more connected with those in the same situation.

It has now been almost 6 years for me. At one time I could not stand to think of the future because I did not know how I could go years in the state I was on. I now look forward to the future and things to do with friends. But - it is a long - as they say - rollercoaster ride - with ups and downs - and all you can do it get through it.

Come on this site, find other support, make new friends at work - others don't realize how hard it is until it happens to them. As you said - he is "near" - I've had many signs over the years - and that has helped - but there is no good answer.

Talking with others on here and reading how they are doing I found to be very helpful. So sorry.........

Saleeby, I am sorry you have had to seek us out and join this group but you have come to a place that has helped me immensely with understanding friends that get it. You are probably in a deep fog right now and that is understandable as we all go through that in the first months and beyond. My beautiful wife died on Feb 13th and although I am feeling better, I still cry daily but now have some hope for the future.Take in the bits of wisdom everyone here has to offer and hopefully your fog will raise somewhat soon. I agree with PNW that I am ok with the living alone part just the loneliness for her is what kills me. Take care of yourself. ~Pete

Saleeby.... I too am so sorry for your loss. I was married 38yrs to the love of my life & soul mate. I know I often say to people that unless you been there, you have no idea.... I didn't

The hurt/pain/loneliness will always be there & that is the hurdle we all must overcome. Some do it more quickly than others because there is no time frame. Sometimes families & friends don't understand our grief, so that is why like others have said, this site has saved me in many ways. It is so true that you have to take one day at a time. Your emotions will bounce all over.

For me, I know that Larry made me a stronger person & he didn't want me to be sad. I have pictures all over & I talk to him all the time and that is my salvation.

Take care JoAnn

I can relate- Im feeling the same way. My husband died 6 weeks ago of brain cancer. It was horrible watching the decline of a strong brilliant man who I loved for 53 years. I've tried to stay busy but my mind is never away from the memories and especially the last months of his life. I can't control the crying when I'm around friends so I feel like just never going anywhere again. I wish I could help you, but know you are not alone.

I am so sorry best fiver. It's awful to watch them suffer and even worse when they finally leave us. Don't worry about crying you need to release some of the anguish you feel. If some of your friends can't understand your need for tears and support you then maybe they aren't truly friends. As you said always remember you are not alone as he will always be with you and we who are traveling the same road are here for you as well and we will help each other make it through another day.

I just lost my husband on 8/27 & every day is a struggle. I try to stay busy during the day so I can be exhausted by the time my head hits the pillow but it doesn't work,..I still cannot sleep at night. I miss him so much it makes my whole body hurt. My family is trying hard to be supportive because it's their lsa too,..but they just don't understand what it's like to lose your life,..and that's what happens. When he left he took my heart with him. I died too. I feel like I walk around numb all day long and I'm glad because it's better to be numb then feel the pain of such a loss. It's even hard for me to be around other couples right now because I think,..you have each other but my whole life has ended. We didn't have our own children but he had a daughter that has been a strained relationship forever. Now she wants me to know her kids and be their grandmother,..it's the only thing that is keeping me alive right now.

Lisa Mckay
I understand the loss and loneliness all too well and my heart goes out to you. Your loss is as new as mine so we are at the same stage of just trying to get a grip. Hold onto whatever keeps you going minute by minute. We will get through this I have to believe that or I could not go on.

Too many things have had to change and anything that could go wrong has. I can't control my weeping and crying anywhere right now. I even start weeping in a meeting at work. I speak with another widow at work, it has been 9 years since her husband past. She has children and grandchildren that are close so she has them to help her. She says she still has days when she breaks down but promises that I will be able to function. It will come with the passage of time. It's this passage of time that is killing me right now and my need for him has never been greater. I will get busy again now and try to the rest of the day. I hope no one at work feels like I'm having a pity party and they are just uncomfortable with my tears.

luvevergreen

Don't worry about what the people at work think. You do what you need to do to get through another day. If the tears make them uncomfortable they either offer you comfort or walk away. You are in pain and they just have to understand that.
Love to you and thinking of you,
Kathy

Im so sorry for your loss. You will have good days and bad days. Allow yourself to cry when you need too and live one day at a time. I know i do.

I am so sorry for your loss. I to lost my husband of 35 years last year. It is a long hard journey. I'm still going through it. All I can say is I am so sorry and hang in there. It's a minute at a time. Let yourself grieve. I cry, scream, yell and sob. Does it help. Who knows. I pray for you as I know your journey. (((Hugs))) Linda