I don't know how to stop missing you! I have attended more things than I ever thought possible, but I can't stop missing you! When I am alone with my thoughts all the memories come flooding back. I do not know how to get through this. I still get that kick in the stomach when I think of you and the fact that you are gone. It is just so unfathomable. I see or talk to the kids and want to share their lives, but you are not here. I look at those beautiful grand daughters and think of how you so adored them and they will have no more new memories of you. Our little grand son due in February will never know you. This so called life without you is miserable because I can't hold you or talk to you or share our days together. I am left to carry on without you and the perminance of this situation reduces me to tears. Hell, everything reduces me to tears because I think of you all the time. How could I not? I know no different. You were by my side for forty years. We scraped and struggled together to make such a wonderful marriage, so truly devoted to each other. You were the better half of me. There would have been no kids or grands without you. I am just overwhelmed with the thought of you not being here. I have cried more these last six months than in my entire life. You seldom ever saw me cry. Tears are supposed to be cleansing, but I feel like shit when I stop. Your absense has affected everything, everyday. Even when I laugh, then I think of you. I miss you being here to share joy. I am so scared to look at the future knowing you aren't here to comfort me. The kids are doing fine, and I put up a good front, but none of them know how I truly feel. I went to Avah's birthday party yesterday and cried half the way there and half the way back. I turn the radio on and something triggers a memory and I cry. We had been down the interstate more times than I can count but you were always there. And now I am alone. Honey the two of us spent most of our time together all those years. We didn't have other couples to hang out with because of our schedules, we did everything together and shared everthing with each other. And I have no one to share with anymore. There is no one on this earth that loved me and needed me as you. And I loved no one or needed anyone as much as I still need you. The only thing keeping me going is knowing each day I exist is a day closer to being reunited with you. I know I have to go on for the kids and grands, but without you I feel so empty. Please Dear whoever help me find a way to stop crying and missing you so much. I love you just as much today as yesterday and I always will. Life is just so very cruel. How long before we are reunited? Any amount of time just seems impossible to fathom. God knows you suffered too much and for too long and I wouldn't want you to suffer any longer. I hope you are at peace, I would have given anything to take your pain and suffering away. So, here I am, trying to cope, adjust, manage, find joy and comfort. find some kind of meaning to losing you but nothing seems to make any sense. I love you Honey and God how I miss you! Forever yours, Michele