I have no words to say or experience about what you and you're are going through. Other than my thoughts and prayers are for you and you're children.Sending love and hugs your way

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't have experience with losing my spouse this way, as he was murdered and our baby was only a year old. Have you thought about seeing a counselor and if your children are old enough family counseling? You're going to need all the support you can get to help you get through this difficulty. Do you have friends/family/extended family to help support you? Try to take it minute by minute, day by day. Some days are going to be better than others and that's to be expected. Just always remember those precious babies need you and hard as it may seem he'll always be with you by living on through each of them and forever in your heart! Sending big hugs!

Thank you jkowal84. Gregsbaby, my oldest son and i are seeing counselors. I have a very small circle for a support group, but the few people i do have are amazing. Im so very sorry for you and your child as well. Right now it is very much minute to minute. I am so thankful to have found this website/support group.

It was never about you, its all him. We live in our own minds and his was disconnected. Wow this was incredibly recent. I have tremendous respect for you just being online and able to share your feelings. I get having the voices say "end it" but ive been able to shake them all off. We all have our limitations. You didnt do anything wrong and there was nothing you could have done. You could shout and he wouldnt be able to hear or process. I get it, I really do. We all have our breaking points and its all internal. Im so sorry you and your kids have to deal with this devastation. I cant believe i almost put my kids through that. I hit the emotional floor over the rejection and betrayal of the center of my heart, my childrens mother. But at the end of all my dark thoughts was the thought of my oldest crying, i could hear him in my head as clearly as if he was standing before me. I couldnt do that to him. Your poor husband just went emotionally deaf that day and he forgot who he was and let the darkness win. It is truly a tradegy. Message me as often as you need. My heart goes out to you and your kids. Stay strong as I know you are. Focus on your kids and hug them as often as you can, they're the last peice of him left in the world. I really am so sorry. [Sustained Soft Verbal hugs]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Check out Nik Tebbe on Facebook. She lost her husband to suicide last year and has 2 young children.

Suicide is not your fault. The mental illness that creates suicide is very hard to grasp and above all we can not always understand what he/she was thinking. I will always miss my dad but we had talked and I am sad to say he did not listen to my words. I am very sorry he did not see a better choice but he did try to make it easy. Don't let the words about you/yours being less than whatever leave your mouth. It just is not the correct information.

I recommend this for your reading:
http://www.si.com/nba/2014/11/13/ryan-anderson-gia-allemand

Not to say I understand your situation at all. I know people in this story are high-profile. But this is a true story, and someone who lived through the darkness. Hopefully this will give you some comfort, however little it is at this point.

I am truly truly sorry for your loss. I come from a family where depression runs rampant so I have a little insight. Most people look for a cause and effect relationship when dealing with depression but that does not work. Depression is a illness just like cancer or any other. Unfortunately depression can reach a point where it robs your hope which is when suicidal thoughts present themselves, Even if a person is surrounded by loving family etc it has no bearing on the inner emotional pain the person is expereincing from the depression. To kill oneself in my opinion is not a choice that they made but a mechanism to escape the severe emotional pain the depression is causing. What I am trying to say is it is in no way your fault and I am sure he loved you and your children but the depression became overwhelming for him as it happens for many others. Wishing you and your children only the very best.

Thank you gerald.. I really needed to hear this today. He also suffered from border line personality disorder..., which unfortunately has no cure or medicine. Its almost as if i day dream all day long about "what ifs".. If any one little thing could have changed the outcome.

When a person is that depressed they lose sense of reality. I wouldn't blame yourselves. I have been going through my own hell since my husband became terminal and since his death I have been not myself. Love yourself..take time for you whatever that is..in time it does get easier..Hugs

You are going through the shock of a lifetime and your children are too! You said he was suffering and he was probably suffering for a long time and you were suffering along with him and it was very hard on you and now this happens. Just remember this. He is at peace now and you know he really doesn't want you and your kids to suffer and be miserable. He got out and now you're left to clean up the mess, but you are a strong person and you must lead your family with strength, love and plenty of hugs. This isn't your fault, This isn't your fault, This isn't your fault. Your life will sort itself out and there may be some dark days ahead, but just remember, he's at peace and it wasn't your fault.
Keep coming here everyday; we are here for you. Peace to you and your children.