It is all a part of the grieving process..the questions of why, and if and our dreams to be with them when we die. We all have been angry with God and questioned the reasons why a loved one was taken from us. We all also ask or wander about the unknown...will we reunit with our loved one again. I lost my husband almost 4 years ago. I ask and question it still. I also think we get angry with God and our answers aren't being answered when and as we want rather then when God is ready to answer them. The patience thing we are all human and in time of grief we want answers ......I am sorry for you loss ...but continue as you are with your prayers and continue to be persistant with them. Keep leaning on God he hasn't nor will he forsake you. You will be with your husband again and what a joyous day that will be. I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless you today and always

Hello.Suffering such a loss can surely cause a crisis in our faith.I one saw this little saying somewhere."Thank God that I have faith in my God,and not in my faith" It has helped me through many dark times.

You will never find God, by the use of your mind.Go to God in prayer,but don't talk just listen.You find your faith again, by going to the Master of all faith.Do not go with a list of demands,but just an open heart."Be still and know that I am God".It takes the stillness to hear God.

You will see your Bill again,and of course he is somewhere.He is where we would all choose to be,if we knew the truth.And it is truth.When you truly know God,it is no longer a question of belief.It is a firm,constant knowing.You do not have to search for God,you simply acknowledge that you need him,then be still.He will then find you.Peace.

Thank you all. For your sincere honesty. I know I must be quiet and listen because it's the only way to hear God's voice. The cancer, the anger, the confusion, the disillusionment...............................all very noisy. So I'm going to try to get quiet and listen. I'll let you know how it goes :)

Hey icezam! It's OK to be mad at God. He's big enough to take it, so you go right ahead and be mad. :)


Not only do I believe in the afterlife, I believe my late wife is watching over me now. Faith is the belief in something intangible. We do not know for sure if the sun will rise in the east tomorrow, but we have faith that it will. Hang in there, we are your friends here on DS and know what you're going through.

~Loran

so many of your posts to this discussion are so right on. Dear icezam19, I don't think you "lost" your faith...I just think you have the same emotion/thought process that we all have...why didn't my prayers "work"?
Well, one of my friends, whose husband died one year and a day before my husband...both from less than a 6 month cancer diagnosis....shared with me a very important thing that her cousin who is a pastor told her.
We pray for healing for our loved ones from this hideous disease. Her cousin's answer was "God did heal...maybe not here on earth, but in HIS presence"...so our prayers were answered.
You can't get to the other side of grief without placing it ALL on Jesus...he told us to cast ALL our burdens on HIM because he could and would handle it for us.
As for "knowing" where our loved ones are...for me the confirmation was there on the day of my husband's memorial service. My 20 year old niece has high functioning autism, and also hears very clearly from God. She was a bit distressed with all the emotions and stress of that day , plus she was very upset about her Uncle Mike having to die.So my sister told her to just go up in the church balcony and talk to God to calm herself down. She was questioning and asking God why did Mike have to die? And then she distinctly heard him say " Now Kelsi, you know Mike is in a better place and that he is with me"...that's all I needed to hear. I knew before that that God had prepared a place for him in His mansions, but that just confirmed it. I didn't need to hear the voice myself...Kelsi's confirmation was enough...
All that to tell you....be patient...keep seeking... and keep the faith you have that God is in control. Be blessed today...with love, Jill

Your post made me cry today, not because of you but because it brings up alot of emotions I have felt many times, but I believe as my Griefshare posts says God understands our doubts and I have to believe he needed my husband back at that time for reasons I may never understand until I leave this earth.

I get tired of struggling alone, doing things alone, & stressing over things but I know for myself and for the Lord i was meant to go on.
I do feel better when I accomplish something for just me now, so thats my step to go on. AND all of what I read helps me immensely that I can...So you have to just take your time of upset go with it, work through it, and take another step forward..
I wish you the best.

So many wonderful answers. I firmly believe that God hears every single prayer. We have to trust that he knows what he is doing, he is God, we are not. I prayed for a complete healing for my husband, a miracle that he could run up and down the street praising God to everyone for his healing. That what not His plan.

Lean on our faith and trust until yours comes back. We will support you. To lose your husband and then losing your faith too, you must feel all alone. I know you did not completely lose it, we understand.

I know exactly how you feel. My husband bled to death in front of us. Literally, there was his blood dripping off the hospital bed in front of his 17 year old daughter and 14 year old son. He died a horrible death and I wonder all the time about the WHY. I was raised a devout Christian and I really had doubts about it after wards. I tried to go away from my belief for a while and I couldn't. Every time I read the words of the Bible, I find comfort. I know that there is a God, and a Savior of this world. His name is Jesus Christ. He is the Son of God, and He died for all of us. There is life after this one, and I have felt my husband's presence and how can you dispute that? Your husband is not in the ground, his earthly remains are. His spirit lives on, and it take Faith to go on, on this horrible journey. We will see our loved ones again after our work is done here on earth. Try to read the Bible, and try to pray with real intent. If you have to stay on your knees for a while, then so be it. Work as though everything depended upon you, and pray as though everything depends on the Lord. I love that saying. I wish you peace. Hugs~Shelley

I do believe my husband is in heaven waiting for the rest of his family to join him. Having said this I have to admit my faith has been up and down since I lost my husband. I never thought anything could shake my faith and boy was I ever wrong! I guess I have developed trust issues with God. I do still believe but I am not the on fire christian I once was. I hope this changes as I keep praying and trying hard to trust .
I am slowly putting my life back together. I say this because I had some major losses at the time of my husbands death. This made loosing him so much harder. I am weathering this storm and I guess I will deal with what ever else comes my way in life. The truth is there is always going to be good with the bad and it just depends on a persons outlook. I for one am trying to be positive even in all of this change. It is far easier to go through life as an optimist.....Helen

I felt so much the same for a long time after I lost Denny. I went to church after I stopped being so mad at God for not answering my prayers. Then whenever someone would ask for prayers I would think, you know....they don't always work. I also got so mad at people that said that their prayers were answered when a loved one got better because of their strong faith. I knew...really knew that faith didn't save people.

I guess I just got to the point where I realized that when we hurt, God hurts too. God does not cure us, God helps us be strong enough to endure the lives that we live and carries us when we can no longer walk ourselves.

We have free will and we are human. Human beings get human illness and diseases. We have human bodies. We are not Gods.

Good, kind, loving, faithful, giving, caring people die. Just as selfish, hateful, frightening greedy people die.

I guess that was my answer. I pray once more, but instead of praying for outcomes for people, I pray for grace and strength.

It has been over two years and one month for me now. I just wanted to say that where you are right now is very normal and I was there at that point too.

hugs...
-Diana

my wife died 3 months ago and this community has been a godsend.all my emotions,questions are like carbon copies of those other posters.we are so human.we love and want our loved ones back.it doesn't cure the hurt but God is in control,nothing is an accident,and everything God does is right.i truly believe we will see and meet our loved ones again.the book 'heaven' by randy alcorn can be very comforting,but the real comfort comes in prayer with our Lord Jesus Christ.. he listens and answers..

It's been almost 16 months for me and I'm struggling more with my church than with God. I've come to believe that anyone who believes and prays to God is going to go to heaven, not just the people in my church or churchgoers in general. My Mike wasn't a church goer, he was more spiritual, but he believed. During the last week of Mike's life, he was suffering and I prayed to God to shoulder his pain and for me to accept whatever was to happen to my precious husband. My prayers were answered because MIke was medicated and not in pain, and I let him go because I knew he was physically and mentally not my Mike anymore. It was not the prayer I wanted to say, but it was obviously his time and I knew I had no choice. Saying those words was the hardest thing I ever did! Now I feel closer to God, but not to my church. The man made rules just don't ring well with me anymore.

My precious husband has been gone from this earth for 22 months now. He was a pastor who never in the seven years of leading and caring for the flock God had entrusted him with, ever took a dime from our church. He was loved by his family and friends..we live in a small town but 800-1000 people attended his funeral..people were turned away because there was no longer any room to fit them...Im telling you all of this to show you that he was a man in love with Jesus Christ.. He lived his life like God wanted him too...sold out to Jesus,and in a moment he was gone...killed in a horrific death. So when I was standing at the intersection about a mile from our home waiting to hear the official word...I knew he was gone. I knew when I got in my car to head there. When they gave me the news..I had many family and friends with me...I put my hands up to the sky and told God right there that "No matter what, I will still continue to serve Him." It has not been easy as I have struggled through this grief. The first 3 months I stayed in His word hunting for His truths so that the enemy didnt destroy me with the grief. I have underlined every scripture that pertains to the resurrection of the dead. That God knows us individually, that He doesnt take it lightly when one of His saints die, that He is with the broken hearted, that He hears our prayers they go right up to His very ears...the first scriptures that God lead me to when I opened my Bible aftrer my husband died was 1 Thessaloinians 4:13-14 But I would not have you to be ignorant brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus, will God bring with Him...you should keep reading all the way though chapter 5..it will encourage yuou. He didnt say we would not have sorrow, but not to sorrow without hope.. My heart is broken beyond words also...so many days I do not want to be here with out my husband...but I have to go on. I remember one night sitting out on my porch crying to God telling Him that I didnt think He was hearing my prayers up to Him, but I also told Him ,"God no matter what my flesh feels I will trust in Your word... Psalm 18:6 In my distress, I called upon the Lord, and cried uinto my God; He heard my voice out of His temple, and my cry came before Him even into His ears. So He does hear you...keep praying and holding onto the truths of His word. God bless you...Debbie

Thank you all for your post and reminders. We all through our pain and suffering do have questions to God why? I have my conversations with the lord everyday more now then ever in my whole life. I always believed and I have to admit I had doubts too. Every time I have questions to God someone or something reminds me somehow there are his answers. We just have to take the time and listen or see the messages God is sending us. Open your heart to the Lord. He knows what we are thinking before we do. I know when I am feeling my weakest and missing my husband so much. I pray Lord stay with me dont leave me. I need your strength and comfort in me. Amen. Edie

I believe that God is in control of everything. He doesn't necessarily step in and change things just because we ask because maybe what we are asking for is not in his plan. Even Jesus, the night before he was killed, was in great distress and cried out to God that if it be possible, please don't let him be killed. But, he said, Nevertheless, not my will, but thine be done. I have prayed to God many times in my life over huge matters and God did not give me what I asked for. Thank goodness. His plans were much greater and better than mine but I didn't know it at the time. I have and still am having issues of anger over Joe's death, but my will is to submit to God's will because he has a plan I can't see. But trust is the issue. I believe God made all the heavens and earth and that he loves us. So I TRUST him even though I don't understand. When a person goes in for extremely delicate and risky surgery, he may not understand what all the doctors are going to do, but he TRUSTS them to do it right. So, for me, trust is the big issue. I cry, I scream out in anger because those are human emotions that God gave us to help us cope. He understands and loves us anyway. God does have a place for each of us in heaven and we will be with those we loved who have gone on before us.
Kathleen