As the Lord's Prayer says, "thy Kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven". Suffering brings us closer to God. Jesus suffered and so must we suffer in order to get into Heaven. Don't think that your prayers weren't answered, but rather believe that God has a plan for us all, even though we can't understand what that plan may be. I believe your husband IS in Heaven, along with mine, waiting for us to be reunited. Continue to pray...you will find peace.
Hugs to you today...Ellen

I finally realize that he isn't coming back and If he can't be whole and well I don't want him back in pain. I can never replace him, he was funny, kind, loved all our children and loved life, thought for a while it should have been me instead of him, he had so much to give and loved to talk on the phone toall his friends, They miss that so much. But I know I can't go back to the way it was and I hate the way it is now so my (our) only choice is to go forward. I realized today that he was also my strength, so now I have to find the strength to go forward. I am so sorry that this happens to anyone, but maybe we can all help each other. Patsye

icezam19 I am in the same place you are. I want to believe again as well, but I am still having trouble and it has been 6 months for me. I never prayed for God to save him, because I knew that would not happen, and my Phil was very accepting of his fate. I also prayed to ease the suffering and it only got worse and worse. You are voicing my exact thoughts. Hugs.

When my doubts arise as they have many times, I go back to the line in the Bible about, if you have as much faith as a grain of mustard seed" or something close to that. It helps me feel my doubts are understood and are okay.

I appreciate your candid questions, especially at a time when you are suffering after the loss of your dear husband, Bill. Not an easy subject matter at any time, but particularly now.

By the very meaning of the word "faith," there is nothing tangible that I can offer you that will be your "silver bullet" of belief. With your permission per your post, I would like to submit not my words but the words of the God who knew us before the beginning of time. I challenge you to consider not only the words you read but to consider the Author of those words. I was in my 20s when I became a believer of something much bigger than what this world had to offer. I had tons of questions and had numerous conversations with a friend who never lost patience with me. I must have tried his patience more times than I want to know, but he never belittled my uncertainty. He never badgered me or smirked at the simplicity of my questions. Below are my contributions from the Word. The questions you mentioned in your post are duplicated thousands of times, especially after such a devastating loss.

Hebrews 11:1 gives us the most exact definition of faith that I've heard: "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Or, as another translation puts it: "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." How accurate (in my opinion). Almost every verse in Hebrews 11 starts with the proclamation of what faith produced in the ancients of old. If you have a moment, I would ask that you contemplate the word faith and its part in the history of our world.

We humans give credence to faith by multiple actions and thoughts: we exercise faith that there is air to breathe when we inhale; faith when we make plans either on a long- or short-term basis that they will come to pass; faith that the food we consume will nourish us thus making it possible to sustain life, and so on. And the very fact that you are inquiring about the afterlife demonstrates that you possess an element of faith. You are reaching out "by faith."

It is this faith that we humans exercise when searching for meaning in our lives. Is this all there is to life? If so, then what's the point? Well, the Word of God tells me that there is a point to life, and that point is that it is not all about me! It's about Him and what plans He has for me--my life is but a small hiccup when compared to the existence of creation. This was unbelievably comforting to me when I found my dear husband in our driveway. Even as my heart was breaking, I had the assurance that God was in control, and my husband's death was merely part of the beautiful life He allowed me to have for a time. We all will face death sooner or later. His passing put me into a tailspin for a fragment of time (as it does with all survivors), but it did not surprise God.

To clarify the paragraph above, I would like to give you a portion of scripture that aptly describes our relationship to a loving God. All too often we fail to remember who we are in light of who HE IS. Please consider it with the heart.

"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor." (Psalm 8:3-4)

I pray that your sorrow will ease as the days pass, even if that seems impossible at this time. You sound as though you are a very strong and responsible person. The love that you and your husband shared will be forever a part of your life, your memories, and your future. Our God does not owe an answer, but He graciously teaches us about love through those that capture our hearts on this earth. The best way to understand His love and promises for us is to delve into His love letters to us--the Bible. TJ

I understand what you are saying and I think that maybe you are confusing doubting, which is normal, with not believing. I am finding that the older I get the more questions I have and more complicated life and faith have become. Like you, I would like that GUARNANTEE that my husband will be waiting for me and we will be together again in the next life; I think that becomes a very big issue when we lose them. A lot of things which I always believed in and took for granted suddenly just don't seem to easily fall into place for me anymore. I do think prayer helps you even if you don't see the answers you are looking for right away. I think the way to find faith again is to just hang in there, be honest about your doubts, and wait for God's answer, which I think you will recognize when you get it. Peace to you. laurabp

I dont know if this helps but my husband has been gone a little over a month he went into hospital on a friday and died that sunday. doctors told me on saturday evening that everything was shutting down and i need to make a decision when enough was enough with life support so sunday morning i asked nurse to make sure all his family saw him and then my children she did then i went to parking lot of hospital and screamed and cried i sat down right on the street curb at out loud i said jesus please help me i cannot deicide this. i went back in told nurse i wanted to be alone with him told him i loved him that he was the love of my life began to cry and out my head on his arm and the machines all went off and he left me i didnt have to make the choice to shut them off now i pray everyday for the strengh to get out of bed and keep going and im still here dont get me wrong im angry and hurt like someone is ripping my heart out but to me there has to be something and whatever it is i know hes waiting for me

Sometimes I want to scream out. the questions:
"Didn't anyone else go through this? Didn't anyone else find their prayers bouncing back off the ceiling? Didn't anyone else out there watch their husbands die a torturous death? Didn't anyone else have their faith shredded and stomped on along with their heart? "

Didn't anyone else? Just about all of us, whether the passing was slow or quick. Doubts? Longing for that reassurance of a reunion to come? I think we all have hoped for that.

I have days where I believe, and others where it is so hard to believe in a loving God. My faith community gave me no comfort when Cliff died and I have since left that community. My friends tried to give me Bible passages to read, but none of them applied. They didn't understand my loss, they were trying to help but couldn't.

Most of the time I am just trying to put those questions aside. I do most definitely believe that something continues on. I have had way too many things happen that indicate we are not completely lost when we pass. I don't think we are meant to completely understand it here in this life. But it is hard not knowing, and hard wanting to know.

For my own peace of mind, I have asked our local vicar for some time to chat. I know she cannot answer all my questions, but sometimes in the asking and discussing some clarity shines through.

The why questions never have easy answers, and when they are answered it is usually not the kinds of answers we expect. Be patient with yourself. One year seems like a long time, but it is not. Give yourself some time.

I hope you find the peace we all seek. Love and Hugs, Martha

I knowhow you feel in my case Mike helped me fight cancer for 18 months which I could never have done without his love and support everyday, then 6 months after my last treatment God took him from me, I still pray everyday to find the answer as to why he would do that I know there is a reason, nothing will ever be the same. I have been told that the hand of God will never take you where the Grace of God wont protect you I hope this is true I pray it is and I try everyday to believe. God Bless you and keep you.

Maybe you are mad at God. Just tell Him that, he will understand! Remember that he suffered also and we all do too in our own way.
It is a mystery but he your husband safe now. Lean on all the DS friends who have faith and believe we will be together again until your own comes slowly back. It is so hard. We want explanations and we don't get them. We re with you.

my message seems a little garbled after I read it. I hope you can understand it. My husband also died of bladder cancer that spread to his liver and blood clot. It has been 2plus years.

I believe in an afterlife. I believe we'll be together again.....too many things have happened that I HAVE to believe it. But when someone asks for my prayers, always, in the back of my mind I'm thinking.....OK, but I don't know if they're worth anything....and for me it's 22 months now.... I had never prayed so much in my life.....

thank you for listening to us, I realize I am mad at God and I am sure he knows and understands that, I just like everyone else am trying to get through it because Mike had such faith that he would not want that so everyday I ask him for help and guidance and yes sometimes I just want to scream until I cant anymore... Like today when I was planting the flowers such a routine thing to do but no Mike to tell me how the garden looks or if there are to many or not enough flowers usually he would say to many but I miss that so even the first change of seasons is something new and we all just want something to be the same even if its just for a minute.

This is probably the thing that I struggled with the most after my husband died of brain cancer - were any of my prayers heard? I knew that they were not answered in the way that I wanted - that was very clear. As much as I prayed while he was dying from the brain cancer- which was all the time - I could not pray after he died. When I talked to God - it was more like screaming, or a simple sentence of "WHY??" "You could have stop this." or "I do not understand." or "help me". And talk about being angry - wow was I ever angry. But in my anger at God, I also realized that I believed very strongly in God because you just can't be that angry at someone you do not believe in.

Like you, I still wonder if praying for someone helps or how it helps. We are never going to be sure in this life of anything about the after life and a lot of things in this life. Not really really sure. We can say this or that, but as far as being absolutely certain - it's never going to happen. So - you have to decide if you can accept that? That's where faith happens. Or doesn't.

When some of the terrible hurt starts to lessen - I think you will see signs of God, of your husband and know that Heaven is real and he's there waiting for you. I know I have. It's very comforting. But one year ago - at one year - the pain was so overwhelming that it was all I knew.

As for finding faith - ask God for it. And ask again and again. One more thing - what you are feeling - it's very normal. And very human.
Take care,
Kathy