Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Someone suggested to me that I make an introduction to the group.
My name is Christopher and I am a widower. My wife died a short time ago. She was the sun that lit up my world in the morning and the warmth of every evening. Her name is (was) Kimberly. I could go on and on describing her to you and not achieve that perfect picture of her even when she was at her worse, and most authentic.
She did leave me with 3 fantastic boys, that I, as a scientist, have no guess at how to raise other than make every problem a science experiment that blows up or stinks like farts or makes lots of foam. They are Liam who is 14. Almost a man. The very image of his mother, not to mention being capable and funny. Then there is Austin, age 11. Born on the highway on-ramp heading north we sometimes lovingly remind him of his hurried nature when we call him I-35. Lastly there this Justin, age 9; the one planned child we were blessed with, who, for whatever reason became so utterly beautiful that I call him my anchor when my depression of losing Kim gets me at my worse times. Justin who was born with an I.Q. of 168 is scary clever and whose wit is as sharp as my steak knives.
Who am I? I am the nerdy professor. The Dad in training. The man who lost his wife. But mostly I am the sum of all these parts I have mentioned. I am the Dad who buys bubble bath. I am the handyman with helpers. I'm the soft bean bag chair that my boys land on when life becomes unbearable. I am the "dick" who commands obedience when necessary. I'm here. I make dinner, wash clothes, and watch I Love Lucy when we all need a laugh. I'm the dreamer who has never given up the dream of going to Mars. I'm also the engineer who has a hand, among many others, in getting us there. I still wish I was Will Robinson.
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
You will meet many wonderful people in this group. They will be here for you.
My Deepest Sympathy on the loss of your wife, Kimberly. May Peace and strength be with you. Dolores
It's still so fresh--only a month--that even the mention of her name brings hot burning tears to my eyes, And yes, I have cried a few times in front of my graduate student at NASA, where I work and teach. Thanks for the support.
C.
I really appreciate the help. Aside from my pain, there are others in the constant reports of bang bang bang from the newspapers and television. This latest killing of 17 innocents at the Florida school terrified my children, as it was another boy in Houston (our previous home) who killed my wife and another teacher before he killed himself. But the new cycle ate up his travesty with another bastard named T r u m p.
I don't understand why they are in office. Perhaps these brave boys and girls have the right idea in fighting back. Nothing has changed in so many years. We got to stop the killing somehow.
It is too easy to get guns, although I believe in the right to have them. Assault weapons have no place in society and should only be for our men and women serving in the armed forces and police.
Your children must feel like there is no safety in school. I wish there was a clear answer to all that is going on. I just don’t understand why people want to kill others. There is no respect for life.
You and your boys have been through a lot....you must have a great strength inside to carry on with daily life. Sometimes, especially since it’s so fresh for you, the grief can be overwhelming. Just know that the waves will lessen in strength and get further apart with time. You will be able to smile when you think of your beautiful wife, and not cry. I,hope you find some peace in your heart. ....Linda
You sound an amazing dad,
An intriguing career, practicing attorny in Florida to astrophycist at NASA - how on earth (pun intended) did you manage that career switch? A bet that's an amazing story! I'd love to hear more.
And you also find time to post on the gay and lesbian teens board - maybe you've had a career as a counsellor too? It's great you are able to offer legal advice to people on the Families & Friends of Prisoner board - you are a real asset to DS! But don't spread yourself too thin.
I remember thinking we would all live on mars when I was a kid. Somehow that didn't happen. I remember Will Robinson too - but most I remeber that ridiculous robot waving his arms around and shouting "Danger! Danger Will Robinson!!" Not much use I thought - but then sometimes all you can do is shout "Danger, Danger!!"
Blessings.
KK