My wife passed very unexpectedly last July. She was 52. I consider myself a agnostic. So I don't use the words god or prayers. But I have asked whoever is overseeing this thing we call life to please take me in my sleep most nights since that faithful day in July. I was never afraid of dying. We all have to do it as we all know. I'm only a month ahead of you on this journey. So I'd guess we are both thinking along the same lines. Someone much further along may tell us this feeling will pass. From my experience alone your feelings are absolutely normal. Good thoughts and a hug out to you!!

Yes I was thinking what would make me happy and the number one thing would be for me to die also. I couldn't come up with a second thing that would make me happy. After my husband died 15 months ago I went off my blood pressure pills. I figured "what's the point." I eat high fat foods and hope it will stop my heart. I'm not all doom and gloom - I have some good days. But overall if I check out soon that will be a good thing.

Thank you, you two, for your candor, I had a feeling that I wasn't alone. "they" say that the number one thing you need to be sure to do is to take care of yourself...well I did, took the vitamins, went to the gym, read the books...everything. Now I'm wondering why??? I swear it is for everyone else that cares about the both of you, they lost one...they don't want to lose the other one. "They" have no idea how difficult this life is...don't get me wrong, I would never wish this on anyone EVER but they just don't know. One thing that kept me trying to sleep and going to the gym until last week was the quality of our lives, if I have to be alive, I'd rather feel as good as I can...I am taking this week off until I see the doc...too tired anyway. I am so sorry to the both of you and that you are in this club...great big hugs to both of you.

Although depression is one of the 5 stages of loss/grief, the thoughts of being better off dead is a serious situation and should be brought to the attention of a health care professional.

I lost my husband one year and ten months ago. As for me, I understand how you feel. It's perfectly normal with our grief to have these thoughts which is why so many commented that they too shared them. I still feel that way often. Our lives were just ripped out from under us and some had the unfortunate experience o watching our loved one die without any control. The pain and brokenness we feel is hard for others to understand. Why wouldn't we want to join our loved ones in the better place? I'm sending hugs and hope your way...stay strong

Thank you. I am not suicidal, I don't think anyone is saying that. What could a health care professional do to fix debilitating grief anyway?

My husband and I both had Stage 4 cancer together at the same time. I survived and he didn't. For the most part, I take good care of myself through diet and exercise but yes, occasionally I have had the thought that maybe it would have been better if we had died together. But we didn't so here I am.

I went through a time feeling I wish I would die to be with my spouse, but would never harm myself. I remember telling my hospice worker being taken to death sounded appealing.
I believe that these feelings are born through fear, sadness, and true pain stemming from our loss. The future isn't doomed, even though it feels like happiness is far away at the time. I was told once that I am where I need to be. I didn't understand what it meant and found it offensive. Truth is that it's correct and I and we will work through the emotions that are so overwhelming now. My love to you. Sharon

I feel very much the same but do have hope to go on for my children and my friends - i miss my hubby so much though. You can't help but want to be free from the painful feelings of loss. We must try and remember and smile at the good times. big big hugs

I speak loosely, by asking "Who wants to suffer?" I certainly don't want to.
The circumstances in grief can launch a big attack on us 'feeling motivated' to go through all of it, but That does not mean we are suicidal.
That said, I really envy people who never had 'those thoughts' during the deepest of their grief. what we really want is for suffering to end. (Not life to end). I'm sure that varies among individuals.
THAT said, I endured a severe illness after losing my husband. I was just about as depressed as could be. About 3 days into a one month hospitalization for my illness, the main Dr told me "Your medical condition is life threatening". Which is not the same as being "terminal". I was in a serious health crisis, which surgery eventually cured.
Physical health or illness can affect the resilience of our mind and emotions, too.
We are multi-dimensional beings and everything is connected.
All my best to you. I am glad you have been brave enough to post honestly here.
Be sure to remain honest. It is rare, but absolutely essential.
Anything you can't continue to do openly, reach out for private help.
Big HUGS.
Barbara.

PS, to your question: "What could a health care professional do to fix debilitating grief anyway?"
sometimes grief and anxiety caused by grief can become so overwhelming that we benefit from antidepressant or anxiety medication. It is common, just so you know.

I think about that idea a lot. Same as you, I don't feel suicidal. It's actually far from that. I ask for a way to go naturally, like my husband did. I've never really been sure what to think about what comes after death, but there's a part of me that feels like if I were ever to harm myself, I wouldn't be given an afterlife with my husband. And since I can't have him with me now, I feel like I need to do whatever I can to deserve to be with him again someday. It's amazing the things our brains think of when we grieve.

One of the questions asked for screening for depression is "do you think you would be better off dead". A health care professional would screen you and diagnosis depression. They may prescribe meds for depression, or they could refer you to a therapist, a support group, talk therapy, etc.

A couple years after my husband passed away, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. When the doctor told me, I honestly did not care. That doctor could have told me that I was going to die the next day, didn't matter. What I am saying is that, after losing my husband, I had already been through the worst thing that could happen to me. Roxanne

Yes, it looks like a lot of us are on the same page here. None of us are suicidal and Gatormom I think that your thinking that we are saying we are "better off dead" is not really right, we just mean wha AfterMom is saying,,,that we want to be free from the pain and grief,. I am grieving like the rest of you and I want to be with my husband if it is possible. I would not harm myself, that would be wrong on many levels, and yea Roxanne we have been through the worst thing already by losing our husbands. I am not depressed, I am grieving and there is no pill for that. Hugs to you all