Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I got a rescue dog this weekend. It was a good choice as she's a good girl. Just needs help with housebreaking.
Strange thing about this widow journey--it seems to be a journey that never ends with plenty of twist and turns. I'm now in one of those turns. I'd been feeling good, enjoying life, finally feeling like I was moving in the right direction. Then I got the dog and started with the what ifs.
It seems I see couples with dogs everywhere. I see them smiling at their new pet, walking him together, buying stuff for him, going to the vet. Then everything comes and I think, what if my husband had lived. Then the tears. So much has been taken from us. Not just our spouses, but our lives as we knew it. Now, I'm walking this road alone and feel the pain of it more and more. This is it. This is the way things will be forever. Unless I change it and remarry.
I call the idea about remarriage a Swifter moment. Why Swifter?
I call it that because of that cute older couple on the Swifter commercial, you know the one with the husband named Mortie. When I first saw this commercial I thought they were fictional characters. But last month they were interviewed on TV and said they'd been married for over forty years and that they'd both been widowed.
You could see the love between them. They married in their late forties too. And they got to do what I will never be able to do with my husband--grow old together.
Thus, my Swifter moment when I start thinking that it's not to late for me and that I can have the life I was cheated out of.
But it last only a moment. Then I talk to my single friends and realize I was the luckiest woman to have found the man of my dreams. It's a struggle for them to find anyone decent. The stories they tell. The sadness I see in them at never having found 'The one'.
So, here I am just trying to deal with yet another curve in this never ending journey called widowhood.
Strange thing about this widow journey--it seems to be a journey that never ends with plenty of twist and turns. I'm now in one of those turns. I'd been feeling good, enjoying life, finally feeling like I was moving in the right direction. Then I got the dog and started with the what ifs.
It seems I see couples with dogs everywhere. I see them smiling at their new pet, walking him together, buying stuff for him, going to the vet. Then everything comes and I think, what if my husband had lived. Then the tears. So much has been taken from us. Not just our spouses, but our lives as we knew it. Now, I'm walking this road alone and feel the pain of it more and more. This is it. This is the way things will be forever. Unless I change it and remarry.
I call the idea about remarriage a Swifter moment. Why Swifter?
I call it that because of that cute older couple on the Swifter commercial, you know the one with the husband named Mortie. When I first saw this commercial I thought they were fictional characters. But last month they were interviewed on TV and said they'd been married for over forty years and that they'd both been widowed.
You could see the love between them. They married in their late forties too. And they got to do what I will never be able to do with my husband--grow old together.
Thus, my Swifter moment when I start thinking that it's not to late for me and that I can have the life I was cheated out of.
But it last only a moment. Then I talk to my single friends and realize I was the luckiest woman to have found the man of my dreams. It's a struggle for them to find anyone decent. The stories they tell. The sadness I see in them at never having found 'The one'.
So, here I am just trying to deal with yet another curve in this never ending journey called widowhood.
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
Plenty of unfair things in life; yes our lives were taken away from us and what was the point of that? When there is such a tragic life-changing event as this, we are just supposed to let go of what was (we can't), accept the situation and move forward. Society is of no help with loneliness, and unless we have a support system built around us there is virtually nothing to fall back on. I feel like I've been abandoned.There are plenty of others alone too, and always the possibility of my meeting someone else (but that kind of scares me for many reasons). This walk is pretty much in blind faith; trusting that the Lord will take care of us thereby our future taking care of itself. He brought us this far.
Good luck with the doggie. Get a crate if you have to do some intensive housetraining. My husband and I have had as many as six dogs- four large, two small. Now I just have one tiny one. That's all I can handle. Life changes don't we know. Blessings.
I believe that attitude of making the best me was the best choice for me. I met a gentleman four years later and we have a great life together. I didn't need him to be happy. I wanted him to share my happiness and he felt the same. It can happen, but it can't be forced. Just my thoughts, not necessarily everyone else's. Sharon
But if it were not for our four legged kids, I could not have got this far.
I believe you will find great comfort in having a dog around.
They are great listeners, and do not judge.
My friend was going to read the poem "The Dash" at my husband's service but she felt like she wouldn't be able to make it through it so she decided against reading it. It's basically a poem about your life and what you can do to change your "dash"...... The dash is the little line between your birthdate and the date of death on a tombstone. My dog was rescued from a kill shelter in SC (where my husband and I built a vacation/retirement house) and he was sent up to NJ ((where I live) to a foster home. They delivered him to me the day I called and his name is Dash!!!! If that's not a sign that it was meant to be, I don't know what is! He's a good boy and has helped me immensely. I know you will enjoy having her with you.......after all, dog spelled backwards in God. Bless you and your new pup
I am sure she'll get the house training faster then you expect. I hope she brings you comfort and happiness.
I like that commercial too. It makes me smile and now that I know the story behind it, it gives me hope.
Maybe some fine day I'll be cruising the (?? insert place here where widowers congregate) looking for my own Mortie.
Take good care. ((()))
I got a dog six weeks ago. Just five weeks after my husband died. It has made all the difference in the world. She is 8 months old...and getting better about disguinishing the difference between grass and carpet. MUCH better. I am getting new sliders in within the next couple of weeks, and one will have a cat door (she is a small breed, only weighs 4-4.5 pounds) built in....and I am hoping to have her trained before the rains really set in.
I always imagined my hubby and I would be that couple...but crystal balls never came on sale in our area, so we both missed out on seeing the future.
QP
I'm at my wits end. I love her, but I wanted only housetrained dogs. Still, I'm sticking by her. We'll just have to work it out. But it's going to be harder on her if she's not house trained.
Its like he is acting up. because I am not here.
I love my 130lb. mutt. (Bloodhound, Lab mix). But he can be a handful. He is over protective now, since John passed, like some one might take me away too. But he is in tune with me. If I am sad, he sits by my feet(or on my feet) wanting me to pet him. Plays goofy games. Fetch in the house is funny, he goes to retrieve, then backs up all the way back though rooms, to me. He knows my language and tips of the eyebrow well. Hand signals for most commands. Dogs are good at sign language. If taught young.
I could not have made through the first winter with out him.