Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
OK, there, I said it. I am getting fat. I have to bring this monster of a conversation up, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not the only one with this problem. I seem to be able to solve every problem that comes us but this one. I feel that no one understands my particular situation.
Please if the subject of fat people annoys you, or if you want to hurl hurtful comments my way, please leave this post now. What I am looking for are some helpful solutions to my problem.
For many years I have been eating healthy - whole grains, skim milk, chicken w/o the skin, meat the portion of the size of a deck of cards, diet sodas only. I love outdoor work, pushing the lawn mower, digging, planting, on 3 acres. i do it all myself. I eat smallmeals with appropriate snacks in between.
When I think of the things that help me rise out of depression, seeing my little 4 yr old grandson, having dinner with my kids, friends at church, that all helps with my depression. And, yes, I am on meds for depression and have been for most of my life.
I went on Weight Watchers for a year, lost 30 lbs., wasn't happy. Always hungry, depression lurked. After I quit WW I slowly gained back the 30 lbs. But I was HAPPY eating what I call "normal" .
Now, finally, I will admit what my problem is. Sweets. I get cravings like an alcoholic gets, I suppose. I think I will go crazy if I can't get my sweets. I get in a frenzy. When I eat a couple of cookies, I feel happy. Sometimes, 2 pieces of pie. Sometimes, a large slice of cake. Sometimes a ice cream Blizzard. Afterwards, I am able to sleep like a baby, my mood is happy, and I feel GOOD. I have tried everything on the market like sugar free, WW desserts, etc. with no success. Also, I cannot walk in my neighborhood because it is not safe. I have to be very honest and say I hate excercise unless I am getting something good done, like cutting the grass, which I love.
I have been afraid to admit this problem even to God because I feel guilty about not having more discipline. But there is nothing that makes me HAPPY like sweets. I'm miserable enough without my husband and don't want to be even more miserable by having to count or limit my sweets. i never binge, like eating a whole bag of chips at one sitting, but I have to have my size portion to make me get that HAPPY feeling.
I know my health is at stake, but you know what? I don't care because I don't want to live very long anyway. I am ready to go anytime whenever God is ready for me.
I don't know if my body is made different that other people's, but I have fought this battle all my life. I will starve myself sometimes so I can get my sweets in.
I guess I am just venting, but if any of you have any ideas, please let meknow. Please don't lay guilt on me. I have enough of that already.
Thanks for listening to my deepest, darkest confession. It took a lot for me to write this down for all to read.
Please if the subject of fat people annoys you, or if you want to hurl hurtful comments my way, please leave this post now. What I am looking for are some helpful solutions to my problem.
For many years I have been eating healthy - whole grains, skim milk, chicken w/o the skin, meat the portion of the size of a deck of cards, diet sodas only. I love outdoor work, pushing the lawn mower, digging, planting, on 3 acres. i do it all myself. I eat smallmeals with appropriate snacks in between.
When I think of the things that help me rise out of depression, seeing my little 4 yr old grandson, having dinner with my kids, friends at church, that all helps with my depression. And, yes, I am on meds for depression and have been for most of my life.
I went on Weight Watchers for a year, lost 30 lbs., wasn't happy. Always hungry, depression lurked. After I quit WW I slowly gained back the 30 lbs. But I was HAPPY eating what I call "normal" .
Now, finally, I will admit what my problem is. Sweets. I get cravings like an alcoholic gets, I suppose. I think I will go crazy if I can't get my sweets. I get in a frenzy. When I eat a couple of cookies, I feel happy. Sometimes, 2 pieces of pie. Sometimes, a large slice of cake. Sometimes a ice cream Blizzard. Afterwards, I am able to sleep like a baby, my mood is happy, and I feel GOOD. I have tried everything on the market like sugar free, WW desserts, etc. with no success. Also, I cannot walk in my neighborhood because it is not safe. I have to be very honest and say I hate excercise unless I am getting something good done, like cutting the grass, which I love.
I have been afraid to admit this problem even to God because I feel guilty about not having more discipline. But there is nothing that makes me HAPPY like sweets. I'm miserable enough without my husband and don't want to be even more miserable by having to count or limit my sweets. i never binge, like eating a whole bag of chips at one sitting, but I have to have my size portion to make me get that HAPPY feeling.
I know my health is at stake, but you know what? I don't care because I don't want to live very long anyway. I am ready to go anytime whenever God is ready for me.
I don't know if my body is made different that other people's, but I have fought this battle all my life. I will starve myself sometimes so I can get my sweets in.
I guess I am just venting, but if any of you have any ideas, please let meknow. Please don't lay guilt on me. I have enough of that already.
Thanks for listening to my deepest, darkest confession. It took a lot for me to write this down for all to read.
I think you have to be happy, but it is hard to set limits sometimes. Anything in moderation is ok as far as I am concerned. Maybe there is a way you can allow just certain amounts or only on certain days. I know I will want something as soon as I say I can't have it.
Good luck and let us know what works.
I had a huge personal loss 5 years ago. Four months after that we found out Nick had advanced bladder cancer. He had been misdiagnosed for 2 1/2 yrs. Nick was the poster boy for healthy living. At this point I just gave up. I haven't exercised regularly since 2/8/2007. I devoured TONS of ice cream every day. I now have terrible acid-reflux and could not attempt the hikes I used to be able to do.
Like you, I really don't care if I live very long. However, I hate being uncomfortable while I still have to be here. I am trying to find some motivation to get moving again on a regular basis. I have given up tons of ice cream but do eat some now & then. The weight clings to me & refuses to leave.
It sounds to me like you really are trying different things to lose weight. You need to be congratulated on the things you have done. I do not do well at gyms & they are expensive. When I exercised daily I put on CDs and "danced"... window shades drawn to protect my neighbors' eye sight. I also got small dumb bells. I started with the 3# weight & worked up to 5. Not a lot but it did make a difference. Now, I am battling with myself for motivation. You might give some thing like this a try if you enjoy music and moving to it.
Good luck with all of this. You are not alone with this problem and believe me, I admire your determination! Darlene
I have been watching my sugar intake since I was in my 20's. I have to watch my refined sugar intake. I used to be able to get basically stoned on sugar - kind of what you're describing. The thing is, I would get the low blood sugar crash afterwards. I loved the high but hated the crash - I could be a sobbing mess. It was awful.
Getting your sugars tested is a good idea. Hormones shift and change and it changes your sugar metabolism - that's part of what screws up your moods. It could also be thyroid issues as well.
You can still have your sweets if you go for healthier sweets. A chocolate chip granola bar, for instance, has way fewer calories than a candy bar but still is sweet and you still get your chocolate fix that way. They are easy and convenient too. Another thing you can do is go to Target and get the gummy adult vitamins and gummy adult calciums. I have my vitamins like dessert that way after dinner. It's sweet like candy and really is good for me.
I still have my comfort foods, but not as often, and when I am craving them then I know something is up and I need to pay attention to it. If I'm hormonal it's chocolate, if I'm mega-stressed it's mashed potatoes. Knowing what it is helps.
Good luck. Hugs.... Martha
I find that if I don't have sweets in the house, then I can get over the craving -usually for ice cream- or I will have a couple of Hershey kisses...
But I try not to beat myself up over this...I'm only human, with a penchant for sweets at times...
Good advice to get a checkup and rule out anything physiological in nature. Unfortunately, as we get older all this stuff matters more...
And I figure that right now, at 8 months past my husband's death, if I want chocolate chip mint ice cream, I'm gonna have some!
Hope our replies are helpful to you! I know they help me! Jill
I feel like you guys are good friends and care about me. Thanks so much!
That's what we're all on the planet for...to care for one another!
I tell students how to envision the MILE RUN (they hate it because its THE MILE RUN). I tell them to focus on getting to the end. Don't think "Its four long laps". Think of it as one lap, then another, and so on until you are finished.
We get visions in our head about the task at hand sometimes which depress us and hurt our ability to achieve a goal.
Start slowly, cutting into what you are doing and replacing it with something else. It is behavior modification of a sort. You are trying to train your brain to do something new.
Hope this helps.
Now I gotta get up and do something.
Phil