Hi Lynn....I'm so sorry for your loss....I'm at work right now and can't properly respond yet.....but I will later today. As usual....I have a lot to say...(once you get to know me you'll understand!) lol....I just wanted you to know that someone out there cares!
Big hugs and thoughts coming later!
Darcie
Btw.....it's sooooo NOT creepy!

I can completely understand this. I lost my wife 7 days ago and I have been posting and messaging her ever since like I expect her to reply.
Much like you my wife would have been really aghast if she had known, probably would have called me a "boob" like she always did.
I find it helps and if you're like me anything that helps is good.

I have started to watch mystics..walking, biking..go on sites that make me laugh...and have been practicing meditation...and sending love to everyone..i stop and think for a minute then ill start to talk to a stranger as i used to..and am starting to enjoy going out even just to be around people..i love driving with my music blaring..my SUV vibrates and many people wave at me when i have AC/DC screaming...i take the little things and make them everything..Love and Hugs to you :) We are all here for you too which is also giving me hope...some moments are bad and then i think of people like love.

Thank you all for your responses. I know I'm not alone in this,it's just I feel alone in this. I still need to talk about everything some days,and other days I just need to

I hate when I hit send by mistake,chuckles. I guess what I mean is, it seems easy for some to move quicker. I can't wrap my head around moving on until I stand still long enough to grasp it all. I having very loving family and friends,but they all still have their someone. All I hear is it will get easier,just don't dwell on what you can't do anything about. They don't want to talk about him,but I do..Is there a right way to grieve,to be sad,to hurt, to remember the happy that makes you laugh so hard you pee and then feel guilty..

I'm back......First of all Lynn, I'm sure your sweet husband would not be disappointed because you didn't host Thanksgiving this year. You had a major upheaveal in your life and it's quite understandable why you wouldn't be up for that task. Don't fret over that..... Tuck it away in that bucket where worries that are fruitless go.....poof! All gone....

Ok....how do you do it you ask? Well, you get up every morning, you get dressed and you go on with the days tasks...at the end of the day, you find yourself in bed to fuel up for the next day. Rinse, lather, repeat...
That's how you get through it my friend, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time...That's it....time.... There's no magic potion, there's no magic words, and there's no one that can get you through this. You can seek outside help, but in the end it's up to you as to how much work you choose to put into the healing process. I'm sorry I'm not candy coating this sweetie but I'm just telling you the truth. You have to find the strength in your soul and in your heart and in your mind to do this. It takes a lot of courage but you will find it. Start by loving yourself.
As for the dreaded death date, I too lingered over that date for months. It loomed over me and then when it came and went, I prepared for the next month. Then...the seventh month date came and much to my chagrin, I forgot! I didn't realize it was the 10th until late that night. Oh Lord did that hit me hard! I couldn't believe that I actually forgot that it was the 10th...the worst day of my life seven months prior and I forgot! How was that possible? What kind of person was I? I went through a whole plethora of self deprecating words and thoughts. Once I calmed down....I thought to myself...why am I putting so much emphasis on Ira's death date? It's a horrible date! Why acknowledge it every single month and make myself feel terrible? I didn't acknowledge his birthday every month....a day that brought him into this world for me to love? Why acknowledge that awful day that took him away from me???
So guess what? I stopped being compulsive about that date and I felt better ever since! When I do remember on the 10th that it is that date, I send up a private kiss to him and smile to my myself by remembering all the love that we shared and how lucky I was to have had him for so many years!
Told you I had a lot to say. Lol!
Oh Lynn....just go with the flow.....you will be okay. I know that doesn't sound right or mean much right now, but it will...
Love, strength and courage to you my friend...
Big, big hugs coming your way!
Darcie

Thanks Darcie. I was hoping I would receive words of wisdom from someone who actually knew how the date felt. That seems to be one of my biggest hurdles to date. I have been in healthcare for over forty years,holding hands,wiping tears,hugging and even praying with the ill and their loved ones,never did I imagine this being so difficult in my own life.

Lynn: I still am acutely aware of the 30th of each month (the day my husband died) even almost 14 months later. This whole process is like being on a roller coaster. You just have to hang on tight. I'd say at some point you may get used to the bumps and curves but then new ones show up. I am always grateful for the good days and always hopeful I'll have more. That is what keeps me going. How you do it is as Darcie said, one day, sometimes one hour at a time Coming here and sharing and reading can help you know you are not alone. And I definitely agree your husband would understand you not hosting this year. So many changes for all of us. We have to take care of ourselves. God Bless Marybeth

I will always hate October 13th the day I found my wife 15 years on the floor God she was only 44. Can't believe it's been 1 year without with many more to go. So sorry for your loss God bless you.

I feel so all over the place today. Talking about random things,no orginized thoughts. My son,his wife,two and four year old grandchildren all share a home. What a help it has been since Sean passed to not have been alone. The thing is,it's the holiday season and my daughter in law asked me today about putting up the tree. Sighsssss. We had turned Christmas back to the kids a couple of years ago,but that was before we all shared a home. She's not one to be a pusher,but I'm not quiet ready. He loved us decorating together. Today has just been one of those days.

I am so ready for 2016 to be over.

Eight months ago today my husbands suffering stopped.As much as I miss him, I am so thankful that he is at peace. The ache is as raw right this very moment as it was in May. I need to talk about him,but unfortunately my friends and family don't. I know it's uncomfortable for them,and I know it's easier for them to move forward,but I feel more alone now than ever. Tomorrow will be less emotional,but as every month on the thirteenth, today I am sad. Over the past six months,my In-laws have begun to distance themselves from me. I would have never thought that would have happened. They moved an hour away to be with their other son and his family,I get it.Granted Sean was their son,and I cannot imagine that loss,but it feels as I am losing them as well. I have tried to talk to them,but my mom in law said to me, " we've had to move on". She has stopped calling me by a pet name she had for me,and now refers to me by my name. She always signed mom and dad in cards or gifts to me,and now she signs their names. I realize I am a reminder,but it hurts just the same. May be I am being selfish. I still don't know how to do this life I have now.

Oh believe me Lynn....it's not just you! It seems that this happens to most of us. People often distance themselves, whether it's family, friends or even children. I really think we just remind them too much of the loss they suffer as well. Looking at and being with us is a constant reminder, esp if we feel like talking about our lost loves....that really freaks some people out as they "don't know what to say" or "they don't want to make us feel bad", or frankly...they're just sick of us talking about it.....so, they stay away....avoid the whole situation. What they don't realize is that we too need and want some normalcy. It's a loss we all suffer but sometimes it seems like we the survivors who were amputated from our spouses are being punished.
Oh my friend.....it's all part of this roller coaster of grief. Give it time and if that doesn't help after you too have truly tried to still be their family/friend....well then, you just have to accept that loss too. Maybe someday they will come around. It's a different hurt and stings almost as hard, but we've been dealt the worst that can happen and we are still standing....or at least getting there.....
Thinking of you today on this day and sending prayers for strength and peace. It is a milestone day but celebrate his birthday more.....that's the day that paved his path to you!
Big hugs...
Darcie

Thanks Darcie. I think I was just having a pity party yesterday. All those months ago when family and friends were saying every day, we'll be there if you ever need anything,and then now , no one. Granted,I don't "need anything",but I do miss them coming around. I lost our couple friends,because how awkward is that.I lost his friends,because how awkward is that. I even lost some of my friends. Oh,they comment to me on Facebook,but that's it. I get awkward and uncomfortable.
It comes down to that need to talk about him,and not feeling as though I can or should,because it's awkward for everyone else.
Again,thanks for your kind words.

Everyone copes in their own way. We are on a journey, it has been changed, we are adjusting to whatever happens, how we feel, who we encounter, whatever circumstances happen that day.

The "firsts", give yourself credit, however you survive, whether hosting or not, it's what YOU need to do. We need time to rejuvenate ourselves. Life, for us the death of a spouse, is totally draining.

Are there places, activities you did before your husband died that you could begin again? If not, could you find yoga, a book club, church, bowling? Right now I am walking at the mall because of the cold weather. A support group either thru church or your local hospital could give you an outlet to talk without hesitation about your loss.
Keep moving forward:-)
jdp