You are not alone. I have my weekends where I come in from work and hide in the house going no where until Monday. It's bad for me and my 12 yr old doesn't like it but sometimes I just need to unplug everything and be quiet. It's okay to do that, just don't let it start taking over. If you have too many of those days I would be concerned with depression. Which, is not unexpected in the least. HUGS

Me too Steve. I pay our bills on the first of every month diligently. I haven't this month yet. I am doing it tomorrow. I'm sick of it all too. Makes my stomach burn (yes that's back, my indifference to things and people is still hanging on but the burning in my stomach is back ohh big fun).

I had no motivation either. I haven't I don't think since Frank died I think these past few weeks I have just given in and taken a break and allowed myself to really grieve. There are going to be more days like this I'm afraid Steve.

Ok let's make a deal. I'll do my bills in the morning and you do yours, we will encourage one another, ok? Sometimes a little motivation and a partner is all we need. Sometimes I have found that the mundane tasks like emptying the dishwasher is easier if I ask one of my kids to come help and talk to Mama and keep me company. I think we are, just lonely.
Cindy

Cindy, you just made me smile. Thanks! It's a deal.

I feel the same way today. My brother and sisters came this weekend from out of town, we enjoyed our baby sister (55) birthday. They know I am in pain since Steven passed last July 4th, but no one knows how much pain I am in, tired of saying I miss him, I'm lost, I want to go away but not sure where, I want to be with you - but sometimes you have no idea how sad I am...
Yes Steve, I think this is part of the process, that is what I have been told; "your new normal."
I took part in a grief group at church; helped. I see a one on one counselor; although its been a while. One of my sisters who live in town knows more than anyone how sad I am but tired of telling her; although she is amazing and understanding.
My one and only son and his wife have been wonderful; my mom and step dad met at 64 and 70; now together 22 years - traveled all over but slowing down at 86 and 92.
I asked them how they dealt with the death of my dad (married 32 years and my mom stayed single for 12 years. My step dad married 33 years and single for 5 years before they met.) They both told me you never get over it, you learn to live with it and although they met and married they both know they loved their spouses before they met. Each had 5 kids, married, grand kids, great grand kids and we love our step-dad. They have been wonderful knowing how much I loved Steven, but I still shut down.

No one knows how much and I decided tonight to find a internet group to find help. Someone to talk to/write to and find a way to deal with the rest of my life. I turned 57 this past June 28th.

I always loved being around people, grew up in a big Italian family, friends, wonderful parents and stayed single for 14 years to raise my one and only son. I met Steven, fell in love at first sight, he did also - we were 50/51 - we married 3 months from the date we met and were married almost 4 years. He went into the hospital for a couple of days, never left/3 months later he died.

How did your wife pass Steve? Did anyone else lose their spouse suddenly? If they suffered greatly, how did you deal with the burned images in your head? I am open to any suggestions. I am sorry for your pain Steve - all I know to do for now is prayer.
I am tired, sad and not sure of anything except one day I will see Steven in heaven.

Yes, in fact had one today. It started out well but at some point I just was suddenly down and not wanting to do anything. So, no you are not alone. And I think it is normal. Doesn't make it any easier but at least you know you're not alone.

It will be 18 months for me... I didn't feel like doing a thing today...

I agree with Cindy, the loneliness is what gets ya. I have people around me most of the day and yet I am lonely. I miss having a significant other, the conversations at night while we watched tv, read or what ever. I miss the unconditional love my husband gave me, I always knew no matter what he would always love me and if I was having a bad day he was there for me.
It is hard when you have had a partner for a long time (for me it was since I was 16 and lost him when I was 40) and then they are just gone.

I hate to tell you Steve but I think that we will have bad days for a while to come, I mean I am 2 and a half years out and I still have very bad days. I think of him everyday still and some days that thinking puts me in tears. But we at least have the support of others here who understand what we are going through.

Praying for you my friend!
Many Blessings,
Sherry

I've felt like that for the past week - totally lacking in motivation. I actually took some days off work last week to catch up on things I needed to do. So what did I actually do - nothing!

I think my battery is flat :) I rev myself up to do something and then as soon as I go to start lose interest in 3 seconds flat.

My list is getting longer - perhaps I need to get in on the deal with you and Cindy.

Best of luck
Sandy

I've been dealing with the down feeling for a few weeks. No motivation and very weepy. I work with one woman and she shared with me she wanted to quit smoking, I smoke also 1 pack a week, so I quit too. To keep my mind off smoking I kept busy this weekend. It is such a good feeling to get something done.

My Tim always took care of the bills so now I pay them the day they come in the mail if I don't I forget. Like I did this month I forgot to pay my electric bill. I use bill pay from my bank so I can't set the date the payment goes out. That has been a life saver for me.

Mine and Tim's wedding anniversary is the 13th and his Heavenly Birthday is the 21st. I'm sure that is smoe of my depression. Sometimes there dosen't seem to be a trigger then all of a sudden it hits you what it is.

I hope you feel better.
Hugs, Sandi

Oh yes, I know what you are talking about. Some days I'm like this and then I feel totally worthless. On the days that I really get into a project and am busy all day I feel so much better when I'm finished. Don't know what triggers this. Based upon some of the comments here, guess this is normal...whatever "normal" is for those of us going through this process. Hang in there!

This is a "normal" part of grief. Since I was retired when my husband died, I had no schedule to return to after such a very long time of care-giving. Talk about "lack of motivation" -- so one day I searched on the web and found "inertia in grief." If anyone ever had "inertia" it was me. I had weeds in all my flower pots - and did NOT care. I had a beautiful fern on my porch - and it died from lack of water -- I DID NOT CARE. I continued to shower and wash clothes & dishes -- but it was hard to pay bills or accomplish anything. I've always been an avid reader. After Frank's death, I could not concentrate enough to read a book for almost a year. That was so discouraging -- but a real phenomenon to me. Reading is a great escape -- and I could. not. do. it. So, I do think your experience is quite common and "normal." I've been a widow for nearly 6 yrs. - and I do have flowers now, and a "live" fern on my porch - and get 4 books at a time from the library. I am very thankful to be able to read once more. Yesterday was Sunday, also, and Sundays were very hard for me for quite sometime. Hang in there Steve -- you will make it!!

Yes, every once in awhile I have a down in the dumps day. Don't want to be bothered, period. Worry about everything getting done in the house I haven't touched, sad because it is another day without my husband. I deal with it. It isn't going to be the first or last.

Glad that I read this thread. It lets me know that I'm not alone. It has been 4 months since my husband died and I thought I was moving forward (and I was), but now I just don't want to do anything. I don't want to go anywhere, do housework, read - nothing. I am glad to hear that others are going through this and that I am normal. Nobody knows that I am doing nothing but me. I know I am going to have to make myself get some things done, but just not now. I went to my final session of Grief Share last night and it was on Heaven. What a wonderful way to end the session. Next week we are getting together for a social gathering and we will all bring a dish. I am going to go to the next session which starts in three weeks. I don't think I am ready to stop going just yet. I have met such nice people and it is helping. I'm sure this current "do nothing" state that I am in will pass. I may have to just force myself to do something to jump start. So nice to be a part of this group and read others talk about the exact thing that I am dealing with. We are all in this together and we WILL make it through. Hugs, Norma

For me it can be moment to moment. Feel fine one minute, the all of a sudden I'm deep in my grief again.

It has been almost 19 months and while I am "o.k" to the outside world, I get the days you describe often. I tend to get them worst after having spend time with family and friends. It makes me miss him so much more, While I am getting used to being here without him and moving on as much as I possibly can, I miss him more each day.
I do not visit the cemetery every day or every week but today was one of those days when I had a strong urge to go sit with him and spend time. I have achieved a lot but then the little things feel like I have mountains to move...