Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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kindredspirit 05/03/2017

I lost my beloved wife 2 years ago. I feel like everyone wants me to return to normal again, but normal doesn't exist anymore. Everything has changed. When my wife died, a large part of me died with her. All of the things that gave me joy before don't give me anywhere near the same joy now. I don't have the desire to do anything. I get together with friends, but I really just want to be home alone whenever possible. I feel like when I'm alone I don't have to pretend that everything is ok. I can't bring myself to date again. There just couldn't ever be anyone else. I don't feel like I'm living. I feel like I'm just existing day after day. People tell me to get a new hobby, and to find something else to fill my life. I have hobbies, but they can't replace the love my wife and I shared. I wander through each day now, just me and the two cats. There is always a sadness present. I really really miss my wife.

Cheryl0518 05/03/2017

I lost my husband a year ago. I feel exactly the same way that you describe. I got the same advice about getting a hobby. I enrolled in school and it does help because it fills some of the time up. But, I'll never be the same. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope it helps to know that there are others out there who are going through the same thing.

Missmyanne 05/03/2017

I'm on this ride with you my friend. All we can do is take this ride one day at a time. It sucks!!! Nothing else we can do. Your right. Things that gave us joy do not exist anymore. We have to find our way around this..How? I have no idea. Those who have done this before us have figured it out. I'm sure we will as well.

noleah109 05/03/2017

My name is Jim and I lost my honey Leeanne 9 months ago today to Eye Cancer. My wife and I were married 30 years and we had spent the last 4 years spending almost every minute together. I can certainly relate to your thoughts, pains, darkness, grief and feelings. I find it hard to find purpose to get out of bed, hard to focus, and I am not certain that I want to get over it. I am sorry that you are in this situation and that you are on that long, dark, lonely and rocky journey, many of us are on our own journey, none exactly the same but all similar in some way. I am here to listen, if you just need to talk, vent, or relate to someone else in a similar place.

Gatormom 05/03/2017

Anyone who has lost their spouse can never get their life back to "normal". You can however get to a new normal, and it's up to us, individually as to what we want that new normal to be.

Freebee 05/04/2017

I can relate to you. I lost my husband alittle over a year ago. We were married for 24 years he was my soulmate. I feel very alone. People tell me to go out but I feel better at home. Nothing is normal my life has changed.I go to work and come home to a empty house sometimes I feel like the house isn't mine I don't feel the love in it anymore. I miss him every day. I tell myself I can't have another soulmate but maybe I can fell in love again some day. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to deal with death you just have to deal with it the best you can.

Lielie 05/04/2017

I lost the love of my life 6 weeks and 4 days ago. I have 2 kids, 18 and 20, they keep me busy. The nights are the worse, alone in our bed. I breath, i work, i eat, i started running again, but living is still so far away. I am so sorry for you. Believe me, this group helps so much, you are not alone in this, though my pain and yours are not the same. Your own pace is the best, bugger what your friends say, they are not in your shoes. Hugs and strength from me to you

Uniz 05/04/2017

I lost my husband almost 3 years ago . I have been walking that long lonely road alone as my whole life changed. Friends quit coming over to hang out and some of his kids quit calling. I am still alone but things are starting to level out. I am trying to start doing a few things on my own and thinking why not we would have done this together so go for it. The only problem and big hurdle I have to get over is the feeling that I am cheating on him. I am not looking for a new partner but it would be nice to have lunch or dinner with someone other than family. I have no single friends so when I do go places I feel like a 5th wheel and like I am intruding. I am trying to meet new people and have new conversations. Every post I read I relate to as I think been there done that and at the same time it is hard to move forward.

AfterMom 05/04/2017

I also just passed the 2 year mark, and it is hard for me, that people want me to be "over it" or "moving past it". How can they expect that, when we were married for 41 years? I was with him right out of high school. I just turned 62, and he was not ill. Due to the shock, at first I was unable to think straight.. or even think at all. Besides, it seems like so much of this is at a subconscious level, I can't force myself to make progress just by exerting my will.

Marie44 05/04/2017

I sometimes feel like I am in heaven's waiting room, filling up my life with mundane activities until I can join my husband. I'm almost 63 and it scares me to think of how many years I could possibly have left. Anywhere from 5 minutes to 30 years. I can't do 30 years alone.

Paco 05/05/2017

So sorry for your loss. Time does not heal all wounds but society pushes that cliches. I truly believe that only other widows ,"get it". I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone but I do agree with you that people expect you to move on while on the inside we are still dying! My heart feels like it was yesterday but my head knows it was one year ten months that we both died. I hope you can find some peace in your heart. I try and get it through nature and my dogs! Nothing compares....good luck! Look for her signs

aleejohns 05/05/2017

I passed the two year mark in February. My husband and I were only married for 5 years, but he was my best friend. We did everything we could together. I've met some great people since he passed, but no relationship matches the intimacy and companionship I had with him. I got on this site today to help deal with the extreme emptiness I feel. I'm finding that it helps to talk about it with people who understand.

geo70 05/06/2017

3.5 years since my wife died and I can relate to every word you said. I have been to counseling, secular and pastoral. I have tried hobbies, support groups, dating, isolating, movies, books, studying, meditating, you name it, doesn't work, non of it.

I worry most for our kids as I come from a wrecked childhood as it is so throwing this nightmare into the mix just makes everything X10 more empty.

YOUR NOT ALONE!

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