As a dear friend of mine used to say, "if you go looking for trouble, you're gonna find it". She was usually right on. Do you really want to know? Seriously. Will further information change the fact that he is deceased and you can't get his side of the story. Could this be yet another distraction and/or displaced anger from original grief? Would your grief hurt less if you thought he was cheating? Questions to ponder. Whatever (if) it were anything disturbing, it is over now. Let it go. You will not be helping yourself, but rather hurting yourself if you continue to "dig". Just my take on things . . because I have been there!

Shortly after J died, I had to start digging through his papers for lots of things of importance. Bank statements, life insurance policy, etc. I came across an extremely disturbing VALID official paper (one that I am unwilling to disclose) that shocked me to my very core. There were other, smaller things as well. Secrets that he kept from me and down right lies he told. I had a choice . . . I could let these things destroy me further, or I could accept the fact that we as humans do tend to keep a few secrets. I don't think it made him love me any less. I chose to believe in him and our marriage and let it go at that. Grief is hard enough without piling on possible deception. Again, that is the past . . it can't be changed. Today is our reality.

I hope that you will find the strength and fortitude to move beyond this and still hold your marriage and memories of your husband sacred. I implore you to please let it go, for you. Hugs, Dayna

I don't have any one looking though my credit card statement, but if they did they would find charges for items I do not personally use. I purchase items for others so for an outsider looking in it would look like I have a different life style then I live. Point of this is that charges appear on my bill that would look suspicious. I have purchased the items because I choose to for others. One cannot gleen the purpose of a purchase from a statement. You had a great love so just leave the memory there where it belongs.

My 2 cents for what it is worth.

Dewman

I am sorry that you are going through this uncertainty. In my honest opinion, based on my experience in a bad first marriage to an unfaithful husband, in the event something, however unlikely, was going on, even if your spouse were still here for you to ask him about these issues, you might not have gotten a direct, definitive, straight answer.

What I'm trying to say is that our "need to know for sure" about lots of things in life can really never be satisfied. It's terrible that in many cases and many situations, such as possible infidelity, untimely death of our spouses, etc. etc., we just have to find a way to cope with not knowing everything.

It's only been a month or so since your loss, so every kind of emotion is going through you, and I feel that you're looking for answers or clues. I get it. My wonderful husband passed away on October 29, 2014, and while I still don't understand why he had to go at only 51, I have ceased trying to get certainty about the medical issues, and have ceased trying to figure out "why." I am moving towards accepting, once again, that sometimes I'll never know the answers.

Please take care of yourself.

I must add. After my dad died. I was left to go through paper, letters and things. As well as receive calls. His life disturbed me deeply. As I was grieving him. I had to accept that he was my father. And I love him, no matter what. My grandson helped me throw everything away. He had me hold the trash bags, while he just dumped the drawers in there.Then I had to find things after my husband died. It left me to question, what will my children think when they start going through my things, after I die? Will they look at things differently than I do? My step-mother told me once. Make sure you can handle whatever you find, before you start digging. (I was doing family trees). Her words haunt me all the time. She was wise.

If I were you, I would not waste my energy on that. Victoria's secret purchases, YES, anything other than that, for sure he sent it to a customer. You have ssssssssssso much to deal with, focus on you and getting through his difficult time of your life. Hugs to you!

Thank you so much to everyone who replied to my situation. I have decided to let it be and dig no further. I choose to trust and believe in what I know my husband and I had. I really appreciate the replies from those of you who are/were in management and made these types of purchases for your job. My husband was a caring, generous, loving person to one and all. So doing kind things was not out of his character. The anxiety linked to the pain and emptiness of his death sometimes gets quite strong and can really get my imagination going. As Dayna said, your imagination can either be your ally or your enemy. I'm trying to rein it in and guard my thoughts. Thanks again to all of you who took the time to write and share your thoughts. Love to you all!

This was my second husband. Our children were grown when we married. We were together 36 years. He was pulled in many ways emotionally and financially by his children. When he passed away I found many credit cards and I played this record in my head on what did he do for them. He never shared that part of his life with me. He has been gone 21 months and my mantra, whenever I think about that is "He is gone and it is over!" I keep saying it over and over until it sink in that it is over.