I am so sorry. I was married almost 50 years. Going through his junk. I found receipts, jewelry, love letters, P>O. box keys and receipts. Receipts from his checking account that a jewelry store was taking monthly payments from. Things for years. Victoria Secret bags and receipts in them. It makes you feel like your life was a lie. I am so sorry...

BTW... We met in church when I was 5, he was 8. His mother was my Sunday School teacher all my life. We were both devout Christians. He even sang in front of the church.

He was in management, meaning he probably sent these gifts to a client. I wouldn't worry about it, but if it is something you can't let go, you can call the credit card company and request more information about where these things were delivered. You can tell them that you suspect these were unauthorized charges. They will take it from there.

Damn, I don't know if I would even want to open that can of worms...

I can't tell you how many times I have sent flowers to a friend, my sisters, his mom and signed both our names or just mine and forgot to mention it to him.

When he worked he had to pay for lunches, candy for clients, flowers for secretaries' day.

It could be completely innocent.

And if learning it was something else "would be more tortuous than his death", let it go. We have enough to be upset about without looking for more.

I would think if these things were something he would have hidden from you, he would have destroyed the statement....

I'm very sad you are confronted with this information with no explanation. It would not be easy to ignore, but that is probably the best advice for you. Concentrate on the marriage you enjoyed together and the love you shared. These are facts you know and let the unknown remain a forgotten mystery. It could be an innocent explanation and that is what I would choose to believe. He was a good man throughout your marriage. Let that be your memories. Sharon

From the tone of your note I suspect the doubt is going to keep eating away at you and in that case learning the truth is the way to resolve things in the long run that worm of doubt can do more damage then his death did

As others mentioned, these may have been business related...flowers to a secretary for admin assistants day, or for a colleague who lost a loved one. An edible arrangement for a sick employee. Lunch for a group business meeting.
I think Sharon's advice is good...try to focus on the positive memories you have.

Hello MorningGI, my experience as someone whose job is also in management is that it is not unusual for a good, caring manager to acknowledge, reward or sympathize with a team or staff member by putting their hand in their own pocket to acknowledge something of importance in that employees life. Organizations are getting leaner and meaner with rewards and acknowledgements and as a manager sometimes you just want to do a special something for a staff member and so you pay for that yourself, a bunch of flowers, a small gift,a lunch etc, Also, he could have been the one to organize and pay for what could have been a team gift, whereby everybody kicked in a few dollars cash, money given to him and then he or his secretary organized it and paid for it on his credit card. I know I have done all of these. Put any thoughts of your husband straying out of your mind, from what you have told us about him, the very idea seems alien to his nature. When you think of him, remember only the love and the joy you shared for that is the truth of your relationship. Wishing you loving and peaceful thoughts.

I agree with janpeter, I have done all of those things for both people working under me and for people working over me, too. And sometimes it is easier if one person has a credit card and especially as some restaurants or situations make separate checks difficult at the moment. Also, sometimes I would advance a cost and then get reimbursed by check or cash from petty cash later -- sometimes situations arise when the person in charge of petty cash simply isn't around and you have to do it yourself and be reimbursed later.

I think you are worrying unnecessarily. If I were in your shoes, I would try to imagine the GOOD things he may have done with that -- maybe he sent the flower arrangement to an ailing colleague on behalf of the group, or provided an edible arrangement as a staff day treat for a job well done. That sounds much more likely.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I too am in management and use my credit cards for a ton of work related things that I guess could be taken as something that they are not.

I agree with janpeter, Martha and Kim. I have done these things in the past as a way of giving someone a pat on the back, job well done, let's celebrate the team thing. The nature of the transactions does not scream romance to me. They are all things I have done for colleagues and associates.

Please let it go.

Hugs,
Val

I am sorry. I didn't mean to sound bitter. My husband was not the typical man. Looking back, I saw he had a lot of mental problems. Not to say, this was what happened with your husband. But it does happen to some of us. And no one to yell at or question about it either. Let it go. It will eat you up alive if you start questioning everything. Sandee