The grief experts say it actually takes 2-5 years to get through a major loss, and losing your spouse is a major loss. We can hit a point where we are more or less functioning in just a few months, but getting to the point of the tears not being a daily occurrence, for instance, can take a whole lot longer. Some part of us will always miss them. It just seems to be the way it goes. I am reasonably happy and content, and I have completely rebuilt my life since Cliff died, yet at the same time, there is a part of me that will never be whole. People die, love doesn't, and that makes it complicated. Don't be too harsh on yourself for not feeling wonderful after 2 years. Some things take longer to heal and accept. You have made incredible progress, and you have showed great fortitude in all you have already accomplished. It will get easier, sometimes in small steps, sometimes in greater chunks. We seem to hit plateaus where there seems to be no progress or movement of any kind, but those are temporary. Sometimes we have to slow down to give grief its due before we are able to make the next big leap. Don't get discouraged. Look instead at how far you've come -- you're living life, making friends, contributing to others' lives - that's not insignificant! Maybe you just need a break, or some pampering, maybe even a spa day?? I know it would be better if your husband was the one still here to do the pampering, but maybe just do something extra special for yourself. Just a thought.... Love and Hugs, Martha

It's almost 19 months for me, and like there are days (today, in fact) that I feel so empty. I have good days too and admit my faith in God has brought me this far. The anger stage, which I thought I would avoid, is finally here. I think all we can do is ride it out the best way possible. We'll never stop missing them but we must find a way to go on. Hang in there. I'll do the same. Hugs!!! Kelleigh

Lisa, it has been six years for me. I can so identify with your feelings. As Martha said, experts say 2 to 5 years to recover from a major loss. Unfortunately, in my case, I have suffered the loss of several other family members that has compounded my grief. In your case, I am sure that your having to make two moves, not by choice, has added greatly to your feelings of extreme loss. There are no easy answers as to how to find some happiness in your life. You are trying to move forward, and I applaud you for all your efforts. Give yourself some credit. I know that you said you tried counseling, but that wasn't for you. Maybe it just wasn't the right counselor for you - just a thought. There are no easy answers - one day at a time. Keep posting here; it helps to share your feelings and know others understand. Roxanne

Thank you everyone for your kind words and help. I didn't know about the 2-5 year thing so that makes a little more sense to me. I know we all have a time frame but I seem to be in the same place I was 2 years ago. I try to see the progress but I don't see it as such I guess. It's like life is pushing me along and I am forced to go along with it. I'm fighting without even realizing it. I try to reason with myself saying that I live in a small town, not many friends, no money, ect but in reality those things only compound the loss. I will try to find something for "me" in the next few weeks maybe that will help lift the darkness. I will come back here often as that helps. Its so nice to have a place that understands and a place where I don't have to pretend to be "ok"

Lisa, it is very hard. I am coming up on 2 years next month. I had been feeling so bad I finally had to go see my doctor. He's helping me. That's all I could do because it wasn't working on my own and trying to cope was getting worse not better. TIme heals they say, but you know after this longer time I miss him more, because he's been gone LONGER. Some people just don't get it.
I want you to know I know how you feel. It's a whirlwind of emotions. If they get overwhelming see a doctor. I wish I had some great escape, but only to try to do things to keep somewhat busy and remember the good times as much as possible. Of course the bad times you have to go through them in your mind too because our spouses deserve to be recognized for what they've gone through that lead to their death. I wish you some peace and pleasant dreams that will wake you up with pride in your heart. Take care.