That is always such a shock to find old friends who don't know what happened. It's been six months for me and it happens once in a while, but I hope by the time it is three years it doesn't happen any more. It is so hard to go back to where that person started and relive the experience. "The last time we talked we were buying that new house... this is what happened since then." It really sucks. I'm so sorry you had to go through this today. We understand and are with you in spirit. Peace. Darleen

It is so hard to have to go back to theat day when our life fell apart. Let tonight be for you, and tomorrow you will find the inner strength to answer the call with a strength that amazes you. Hugs to you. Sharon

I know exactly how you feel. It recently happened to me too and it is so very hard to have to tell an old friend that your husband is dead. It hurts you and also makes the person who called feel embarrassed and so bad. I'm so sorry for you.

I think even in our healing, there are moments that it will all come rushing back to us when something or some memory triggers our emotions. Having Gene's friend call, not knowing was one of those circumstances. At 21 months, I'm having more good times than bad times and feeling more light in my life. Bad moments and days can fool me into thinking I have made no inroads through my grief----but I have and try not to get discouraged by the hard times.
Cry as much as you need and call when you feel you can---and there's nothing wrong with tears.
Hugs to you,
Sallie

there are still things that cut through after years.

I guess it's proof for those that are new in their grief who worry they will forget. You never do.

Hope you are feeling better today.

I am so sorry that happened to you. I have had several instances like that, and they are always awful. I couldn't locate Cliff's best boyhood friend, who had been our Best Man, to let him know when Cliff died. He was kind of a wanderer, and I went throughdifferent phone numbers and addresses and mutual contacts, but nobody knew where he was, so I gave up. A couple years later, he called looking for Cliff. He was in a real bad way - he had kicked drugs (again) and needed to talk to Cliff - Cliff had always been a spiritual inspiration and guide to him, and they had at times been like brothers. I had been doing really well at that point, but when that call came, it broke me all over again.

When I got off the phone, I just cried and cried. My big son asked what happened, and I told him, and had to tell him that we weren't the only ones who had lost Cliff, and sometimes in our own grief we forget all the people whose lives he had touched.

I know that was a tough call. Try to be comforted by knowing that he was missed by others, too.

I hope today is a better day for you.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Thanks for all the wonderful replies. I will find the strength now to make that call and thanks for being here.

Well, I made the call and I didn't break down until after I hung up. He felt really bad and like everyone didn't know what to say. He and my husband always talked motorcycles and he was calling to talk to Gene about one he bought, some parts he needs, etc. Feeling bad right now, but this too shall pass.