Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members
19,465 Posts
1 Online
Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Eating? Not so much.

Jaxmate
Jaxmate

Ever since Kurt's passing I find that I have no interest in food. Halfway through the day it occurs to me that I should eat something so I'll put together a peanut butter sandwich or a bowl of oatmeal and pick away for hours, never completely finishing anything in front of me. I try to make it a point to drink at least one Ensure type nutritional shake a day, but some days I won't even remember to do that.


Up until last month I enjoyed cooking and sharing meals that helped Kurt regain some of his lost weight and unavoidably gained a little weight myself. Those extra pounds are gone now but many more have left and if I keep this up even more will be leaving. My Widow's Diet has me wondering if I'll be able to eat again before I fade away to nothing. Any suggestions on how I can stimulate my appetite would be most welcome.

nancy6464
nancy6464
Hi Jaxmate. I totally hear where you are. My wife died in September and I've lost more than 40 pounds since. I got so not interested in many of life's daily self chores. eventually I had to buy a magnetic whiteboard and put it on the fridge and write down the things like EAT, PAY BILLS, blah blah blah. maybe that will help you too. triple hugs of support~
Jaxmate
Jaxmate
nancy-that whiteboard idea is a winner. These days I find that ink is stronger than memory when it comes to doing what I needs to be done. Thank you,
MET-You've reminded me that all I've had today is a cup of coffee! It's time for that protein shake.
nancy6464
nancy6464
You're welcome
raininseattle
raininseattle
For me it's anything spicy. If it doesn't make me want to eat at least it'll make me want to drink water. I imagine you are drinking less water than you should be.
Jaxmate
Jaxmate
Yup, and I've had the pleasure of passing kidney stones and am risking a repeat of that lovely experience. Right now I just don't seem to be able to even want to take care of myself. Guilt? Trauma? Loss? I don't know. Please tell me this will pass.
Deb30
Deb30
I was in so much physical pain that I could not eat nor did I care. I would guess that the fact that you are starting to care about needing to eat is a really good sign that you are headed in the right direction. If your experience is like mine, eventually, slowly, you will get your appetite back (although I still have my days). I wish you luck! It's all so hard. People telling me I needed to eat made me crazy. "Really? You think I should eat more than this banana today? I know that. I am trying. I feel like I'm going to throw up all day so please stop talking to me about how I need food". Sorry.....I think people in my life showed their love by talking to me about food and it ended up being a sore spot...obviously.
Silver55
Silver55
I think I am eating for you LOL - hopefully it will come back, make sure you are taking your vitamins in the meantime! :)
swhjr
swhjr
Cooking for one is almost as bad as eating alone which doesn’t even compare with living alone. Nothing seems to have any meaning or joy. I am totally lost with no purpose in life.
raininseattle
raininseattle
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/widows-widowers/discussion/a-letter-to-myself-as-a-new-widow
mypenny2
mypenny2
It's very hard to cook for one and maybe if you are cooking ..the aroma might wake up your taste buds....Myself when I don't feel like eating...I make a shake with milk, bananas,a glob.. of peanut butter with a tsp.of instant vanilla pudding....You need protein and calcium...I knew a woman whose hair got real thin when she stopped eating meat and didn't supplement the protein with a alternative.....Atl East graze the day away...Keep us posted ...hope to hear about your lobster...yum
Jaxmate
Jaxmate
Can thinning hair be reversed? Mine's already taking a hit. You're right about my need for meat, mypenny. I think I heard a local eatery's Italian Beef Sandwich call out to me last week as I drove past. I'll bring one of the bad boys home tomorrow and see what happens. I'm hoping for that yum.
regwin
regwin
Loss of appetite seems to be part of the grief. I couldn't get the food down. You may enjoy going out to lunch with a friend or relative or as Martha suggests, invite someone over to dinner. I did just that. I invited a couple over and though it seemed like a little more work with being on my own, it went well and i felt like i was doing something normal.
For now the nutritional shake is a good idea. Hugs, Dolores
Ty38655
Ty38655
I am having the exact opposite problem. It has been three weeks since my wife very unexpectedly passed. Since then everyone I know is constantly showing up with food. Being from the south, all of this food is fried. My daughters show up in my office three times a day with food like some sort of secret police force that is convinced that I will not feed myself. Needless to say I have found the pounds that you lost. I think we are all searching for a routine when life now is anything but routine.
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
I was in FL when Cliff died, so I hear you about the Deep South tradition of 'bring food' - and I received some things I just could not eat, even under normal circumstances.

The thinning hair will happen if you wipe out all your B vitamins (stress!) and also if you are very low on vitamin D (likely). Take a multivitamin with minerals until you are able to eat more normally and get out in the sun. I used to get the Target house brand of gummy vitamins for adults. I hate taking pills, so that was a good alternative for me.

Love and Hugs,
Martha
Jaxmate
Jaxmate
Dolores I'm imagining myself socializing over a dinner I cooked for friends. I think I'll try to make that a reality next month.

Just took my vitamins, Martha. Thanks for the reminder. I'll have to put Vitamins! on the whiteboard that nancy6464 suggested.

Ty, is there any way you can get those pounds back to me?
I'll cover the postage.