In October 21st it will be seven years since the passing of my Rudy.  Those years flew by, strange at it sounds as those of you in your early days are facing long, slow, lonely days.  Little by little those things of life get in the way of grieveing and you must deal with the natural progression.  I just coin it as "life gets in the way".  So here I sit at my dining room table, my control center, my computer in front of me, my bills and important stuff in a file to my left, the TV to my right and three dogs under my chair, filled boxes all over the house for after the 16 years spent in this house, I am moving.  This house was my husband's mansion, his solace, his happiness, his little corner of the world.  It is too big, allows too much opportunity for others to live with me (or off of me) a financial drain and much too much upkeep that I finally said Uncle and sold.  I have seven more days here and then I pass the keys and take with me the memories.  I wonder if he knows.  I have had only two dreams of him and those were in the first months.  Other than an ocassional hummingbird coming close I can't say I have seen many signs.  He went to bed one night and never woke up, I often wondered if he even knew he was dead...questions for Theresa Caputo...  My early days, spent in the support and comfort of those here who traveled this journey with about the same timing as mine, were filled with decisions that had to be made and when you have experienced the death of a spouse completely unprepared, your mind does not function.  I would have to read something ten times before I even got the idea of what it was and people had to explain things over and over.  The widowed need more time to process before making decisions...of course "they" say not to make any important decisions until after the first year so when the first year anniversary approached I was in great anticipation of some magical cloud lifting ad peace and calrity would lay on the other side.  Atually all that happened was that it was now one year and one day, what a disappointment.  But don't be discouraged, life gets in the way and if you choose to address it the time will pass and you will look back, read some of your old  journals, and be amazed at your own progress.  You will be the one offering comfort and support where you were once the recipient and most of the cloud will have lifted.  I am excited for my new adventure.  A condo I picked out to furnish and decorate as I want and even a possible new part time job, not a new life because I would never relinquish my love or memories but it is tie for a change of direction for my life to have more interesting things of life to get in the way...God Bless you all....

P.S. gardeners are here, dogs barking, my great granddaughter that I watch a few days has woke up and another day of life begins........................