Lori,

9 months in it is easier but no cake walk. The crying is still there but less frequently and does not last as long. This is a difficult (understatement) path to have to walk and you need to rely on your DS friends, as I have to help you over the bumps and there are many! Rant, vent whatever you need to do to travel this journey. We all understand and as I say have the T-shirt. You must let your emotions flow as they do and do not care what any one thinks as only one who has lost a loving partner can really understand the grief and pain we feel. You let the kind folks here on DS know how you are feeling and I guarantee one of us have experienced the exact same thing and can provide support. We are here and please come to us. A great big Montana hug to you from the Dewman! Dewey

Hi Lori - I am so sorry for your loss. As time goes by the pain becomes less intense. From time to time that sharp pain hits again, but on a daily basis it seems to be the dull pain of loss. I'm still early in my journey, my husband died just 7 months ago, but I can see a difference between 2 months and now. Good luck and keep coming back - this site has been a life-saver. Karen

I am so sorry. But I do promise, it does get easier, 23 months here...Not what you think though. You never get over it, but you learn to live with it.... Sandee

i too am so sorry for your loss. in 10 days, i will also be at the 2 month mark. We were together for 24 years, married for 22. i find myself "being strong" (as much as possible) during the day, but breaking down almost nightly. I totally understand what your saying, all of these '1sts' feel like waves crashing over me, every day, like i'm on a rubber life raft in the middle of the ocean, and the waves build up and roll over me. just when i think i've steadied myself, a new one hits from nowhere.

i've been writing to my wife everyday, and reading/posting here sometimes..i think its helping..the support here and of family and friends is as well

Lori,
I don't think that you have any choice other than allowing yourself to hurt - to feel your loss. Sadly you will feel the pain long past the point when friends and acquaintances will be willing to share your grief. A forum such as this, DailyStrength, can be a great place to express your sadness with people of like minds and also to gain insight from others who are in varied stages of the process. Be sad, be angry, be reclusive if you need to be and don't feel guilty.
Someone told me to "keep breathing and be good to yourself". . . . and screaming into a pillow or yelling at the ocean helps too!
and yes, it DOES get better if you let it, I am at 18 months and just beginning to find the strength to rebuild my life.
take care,
Allison (vincero)

Lori,
Sixteen months for me. The word better is not the best word, but it is the closest in the English language to describe the changes. You never get over it but you do get better at it. It becomes tolerable as you learn to live in your new surroundings. I still cry but not daily. The tears are just as real, but seem to be more healing now. I still need them from time to time. Most of the firsts are now becoming seconds and I have survived. I dont know how but I have and you will too. Early on I had several people who had been through this tell me it does get better. I didnt believe them at the time, I couldnt see a way. I thought, maybe for them but not for me, it just seemed impossible. Thank God they were right, I was wrong.
At 2 months you have a long way to go and for now you must grieve. Getting better will happen, but for now there are no shortcuts, you must grieve.
Martin

Lori..I am so sorry for your loss...2 months..I honestly can't remember how that time was for me...like a big blur..after the first year I started to push forward tho stumbled a lot but also learned a lot..now that I have made it thru 2 years..I really feel hopeful ...hope always makes me feel better..so in that sense it does not feel as it hurts as bad...sending u a big hug

Lori,
I am just a few days past 4 months so I vividly remember the 2 month mark. At that point I could barely breathe. For me mornings were the worst because when I opened my eyes after only 2-3 hrs sleep I had to try to get through yet another long day alone. At 4+ months and having gotten through the dreaded 1st holidays I can say I have made a little progress. Still cry a lot, each day but have moments of guess it's numbness still. I maybe am different than some as I push myself most days to do the needed grief work. Some days I do nothing too. I let my heart tell me what it can handle each day. It does get better as you work your way through the shock, denial, and initial grief into the next stage. Loneliness is the worst. DS is a huge help as there is educated experienced support here at various points along the road. Come here often. It has been my lifeline. Take good care of you. Robyn

Please accept my sympathy for your loss. I well remember the 2-month mark. This is so very early in the grieving process. What you're experiencing is, sadly, normal. Time does take care of some of this. I am at the 18 month stage. The sadness is still there and will probably always be, to some extent., but handling it gets better.

Lori,
I am sorry for your loss and all the pain it brings. I understand the not "wanting to do it." But we have no choice.
The pain eases, but doesn't go away. I didn't think I could live through this, but I am at the 18 month mark. Two Christmases and New Years without him. Sad, but starting to hope for my future again.
Be kind to yourself. Take good care of yourself. Respect your feelings.
God bless, Trici

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. In my opinion the word to use is "different". The sorrow, anger, frustration, etc lessen a bit and we realize that we were the one that had to stay and we have to move forward. One little baby step at a time. Take one minute, one hour, one day as it comes and do not feel pressured by anyone to do anything that you don't want to do. Now is the time to take care of YOU however it needs to be done. Visit this site as often as you need to.....it really does help, and no one will judge you for anything you say. AZ hugs to you.

Lori I'm sorry you lost your husband and all the pain that brings. I'm very early into this and the unexpected turns throw me for a loop again and again. Seems like that for every step forward, I take at least one (or two) back. The books tell me the grieving process usually takes longer than we can imagine and that we can't rush the process. For what it's worth, these feelings are not only normal, but necessary to heal.

Dearest Lori . . . yes, the initial grieving stages are quite difficult indeed. We all process differently and at differening time intervals. There is no one right way to move through it, no exact handbook of how to do it. There are many posts here that are chalk-ful of great support and shared experiences. I hope that you have found some solace amongst these respective responses that resonates within you.

As for me . . I'm almost 9 months in. I don't cry as much as I probably should . . I'm still far too angry. Simply trying to channel the anger to motivate me in a positive direction versus stuffing it. (as with all the emotions we will go through) . . . best not to repress. Let it out girlfriend!

We are all here for you . . . listening, supporting, praying in our own way, sharing our stories and true empathy with you. You are not alone.

Warm and sincerest hug to you for your loss. Yes, I do believe it does get better with time. xo, Dayna

Hello Lori: This is a path that none of us wanted or asked to be on. To answer your question of "does it get better". Yes it does. I lost my husband four years ago after 28 years of marriage and 30 years of being together. I remember those first months afterwards of feeling so lost and floundering about trying to find some kind of stability, especially emotional stability. I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. Nothing felt "right" anymore. Because I lived in a remote location at the time, I didn't have support groups to reach out to, until I found this site. The good and gentle people here were life savers. I journalled every day, sometimes several times a day, cried when I needed to, let whatever emotion that needed to be felt come rolling out...love, anger, profound sadness, aloneness, fear...you name it, it was quite a roller coaster ride. Looking back I think my body, mind and spirit needed to feel all these things in order to "clean house" so to speak. Take one day at a time Lori, be gentle with yourself now, these first months are the biggest adjustments. Come here as often as you need to, we all are here for you. We'll walk this walk with you. sharon

I'm in the same boat as you. My wife died on November 27. I can't believe she's gone. I don't know if it gets better, but others on DS say it does. I sure hope so. Chris