Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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aratliff 09/11/2013

I know that I will always miss him...I know I will never have the bond, closeness or trust that I had with him...I know I will never feel as safe or comfortable as I did with him...I know my life will never be the same as it once was...I don't like it, in fact I hate it...but the common sense part of my mind knows these things...however, 5 1/2 months and the emotional part of my mind still does not want to accept it...it still feels like a temporary situation...like its a misunderstanding, he's really not gone from me forever, I am not really going to have to go thru the rest of my life with out him-I just can't believe it...I have had that dream a few times...he comes back...when I awake I expect him to be back, but he never is...
Is it always going to feel like this?? am I always going to have this feeling like "if I can just make it thru this day...week...season...ect, then things will get better" ??? I feel like I am in a race, yet not moving at all...like I am waiting for some sense of normal to come back to me...for him to come back...so I can tell him everything that has happened...how much I love him, how hard its been without him, how I managed to get from one day to the next...who has helped me while he has been gone, who has not...how his boys were there for him in the end...How I knew when he came home from the hospital none of us would ever be the same again...how they have changed so much in the last few months since he has been gone...how we all have had to change...how we now realize he was the glue that held us all together...
Does this feeling that its "temporary"ever really go away??

kelleysgirl 09/11/2013

I'm so sorry for your loss; and yes, the feeling of temporary does get better in time, and that amount of time is different for each person. Right now everything is still very new and surreal for you. Be patient ad kind to yourself. What you are feeling and experiencing right now is something we've all experienced. Come here to this site as often as you need to, we're here for you. Wishing you ever good and wonderful blessing. Sharon k.

Shrn 09/12/2013

The feelings you describe were common for me too. I woke up every morning expecting him to be here and the grief hit full force again. When I entered our home I once again was faced with the the reality of being alone. Our hearts and minds want so much to have this nightmare end as a bad dream and we will do anything to make it disappear.
In time the feeling changes to loneliness and anger. This is part of healing and I wish you well. Remember you have a safe place here. Sharon

marjoe 09/12/2013

Sharon, you said it perfectly.

sandeestttn 09/12/2013

When I was at your time in grief, I came on here and asked, I feel like I am sitting here waiting. For what? And I do still like that, at 7 months. My mind is telling me, he is never coming back, but my heart isn't listening. I wish you the best, take care of yourself. Sandee

russ1153 09/12/2013

I know exactly how you feel. I know shes gone but my emotional side just cant accept that its real. Each time I try it starts all over again. Be kind to yourself.
Best wishes
Russ

aratliff 09/13/2013

Thank you ALL for your words of encouragement, kindness, and hope...
It is so hard to deal with the Biggest, heaviest thing to have ever happened in my life, and not have him here to help me thru it; or to have anyone else who really "gets it"...
I am really glad to have found this group - I really do not know how I would be getting by had I not...
Hugs and Peace to you all!!

pathoflife 09/13/2013

It seems that every way we turn we look for something that brings us back into our old world. It is so difficult to move forward and so much easier to wait for our old life to reappear. It's the trick of a heart that is grieving and so very normal. You will be surprised when one day you wake up and you find that you are building a new life in spite of the grief that you're carrying. We on Daily Strength call it the new normal, and it is such an appropriate name. Sometimes when embrace it, sometimes we fight it, but in the end it is what it is. The feeling of temporary, yes, will subside and you will begin to face each day in a new way. As the others have said, please be patient with yourself. The intense excruciating grief finally gives over to acceptance. I know that sounds absolutely impossible to you right now, but it does happen. Blessings to you in your efforts to move forward. TJ

missmyhero 09/13/2013

I know exactly what you mean. Back then I had to take it one baby step at a time, though I felt like I was running from one thing to the next. I remember trying to DO everything that had one day brought me joy , (before when Denny was alive). It is like I had this mental check list and was running around DOING everything on the list trying to figure out what I SHOULD now be doing. I remember getting my fishing license and going to the river...throwing my line in. I got a bite..
Good...check...I packed up and left...Everything FELT like that. I couldn't even begin to think about forever. My forever WAS with Denny. I just had to take it one difficult day at a time for a very very very long time. Thank God for people here that told me that it would some day get easier. I lived for that day. Now at four years five months, I realize that it is NOT a destination or a specific day. One day you feel the sun shining in between the clouds for just a moment. One day you hold a baby and you see a glimmer of hope. One day the someone does something extra kind and you feel a moment of gratefulness. It does not all just come in one big moment...it is all the baby steps that lead to surviving loss.

Big hugs to you as you take those baby steps...
-Diana

ohsolost 09/14/2013

Oh, yes! I can absolutely relate to your feeling of "temporary." In fact, I remember that at some point (around 5 months, I think), I said aloud, "Okay, I've gone through the pain and paid my dues with this grief thing, so You can send him back, now!" How's THAT for naive?!

As others have stated, the "temporary"-ness DOES go away, eventually, and you will, at some point, realize that you have accepted what is and are "becoming" (not without a lot of kicking and screaming, however).

Hugs,

Terry

deleted_user 09/14/2013

I totally identify with your feelings. For me it has been almost three years and at times I still feel like he is just in the other room or in the garage or off on a little motorcycle trip somewhere and he will be calling me soon. Sometimes I feel like if I do all the right things, he will come back. But then again, perhaps the separation really is only temporary...if there is in fact life after death, then he will be waiting for me when I get to the other side.

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