Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Do They Know???

carrie415
carrie415
Another Saturday night out with a few couples (our friends). Had a great night until they ended it by saying how great I am doing.

Do They Know: I pretend in front of them and try to compose myself so they are not uncomfortable with me and may not want to be in my company if they really see me breakdown.

Do They Know: When I leave them I am a basket case and can barely drive home because I am blinded by tears.

Do They Know: The silence and loneliness when I open my door to my home that there is now one to greet me but silence and I am reminded once again 8.5 months seems like an eternity to me.

Do They Know: When I open my eyes at 5:30 I have to hurry up out of bed because I am afraid of my memories might engulf me

Do They Know: Most of the time I am numb, confused,disoriented, can't focus and have to start another day of looking like I have some control

Do They Know: etc, etc, etc,

You all at DS Know
wendimac
wendimac
No, 'they' probably don't...but WE do...
barbarame
barbarame
I also have two faces my dear, I would not want those who are not in the know to be subjected to my real pain. Yesterday was one of the nicest Christmases I have had - just really listened to what others had to say - and enjoyed good company, wonderful food and really thoughtful gifts. At lunch, the eldest daughters
whispered that the main candle on the table was for her late brother, so I made it my job to see that it continued to burn brightly. At the start of our meal, after grace The young man mom, his younger sister and I were able to give each other's hands a squeeze - so we all understood. Not a word needed to be spoken. It was a blessed day and our hearts filled with thanks giving. The peace of the day filled our hearts, our loved ones saw we were happy and smiled upon us. May 2016 bring us all a measure of healing my prayer for us all xxx.
bird62
bird62
wow, thank you for saying the exact words i'm feeling. its hard enough trying to balance our own feelings without the perceptions of all those around us. I just want to have the right to feel what I want, when I want. The anger, the grief, the loneliness, and every other emotion without worrying who thinks I'm doing ok or not.
joec85
joec85
They can't possibly know. Regrettably, unless they've experienced this kind of loss they won't have the sense to stay away from asking those questions we all hate hearing.

I have to pick and chose when to meet up with friends because it can be emotionally draining during and after. The guilt and thoughts follow shortly after we part our ways. I can never tell them that though.
meggyk
meggyk
Yes, I can truly relate to this!. Not only are words so hurtful but also the distance . I am the only female on my work tour. And not one of my peers ever say or ask how I'm doing. I have worked with them for over 16 years. And maybe it's a blessing to be left alone, but I sense they are afraid of me. I am given lots of space( gives me time to blog on D.S.). But I know if it were one of them I would try and be more supportive, like "hi". Some of them even worked with my husband when he worked here.(this is where we meet). Am I being over sensitive? I go outside to cry and smoke a cigarette . don't have to worry about anyone checking on me either. I don't bother them either. Just do my work and carry on.
carrie415
carrie415
Ugg,,Megg,,,I feel so bad for you,,,You deserve so much better than you are getting from your peersYou deserve the support at this timeWe are here for you when you need itreach out to DS,,,I know I am thinking about you nowHugs to you, chin up...