I love your idea of the lock and also the saying NO. It is hard for me because I don't like confrontation and think I still care too much about being liked ( I care less that I used too that's for sure). I had work done on our lower level and had a bid on drywall, didn't get a written bid and this is the same person we had do our home when we were building. We were very happy with his work---this time he was slower to get the job done, was 20 boards off and ended up $1000.00 more. I didn't have the guts to say anything and neither did my so-in-law.(He felt bad he didn't get a written bid--we didn't think we would need to) I do regret I didn't say I'm sorry you were off on your order---I will pay for the boards but not for the labor attached to the extra. I know this would not have happened with Stan here and it makes me mad.
Steaming a bit, Sal

My husband had lots of things and borrowed and lent out so much himself that I didn't know what was his and what was not for a long time. People would come and ask to borrow stuff a LOT. I know some things were stolen and some borrowed and never returned.

My step son had the attitude...(well, what do you need it for anyway)? He actually gave some of the things away even though I asked him to help me inventory them and figure out what to keep and what to give to him. He ended up with all of the tools, (minus a few that I kept), and he now does not speak to me.

I have a neighbor that comes and borrows our ladder and other stuff, but he always asks and he and his wife would do anything for me. I told him to just come borrow stuff from the carport whenever he needs to and I know that it will always come back with him.

I know a lady that let a young man borrow her car as he would drive her around all the time. He drove off the road and had no money to have it towed. She paid for the towing and last week found out that it will cost her over a thousand to have it repaired. Apparently it did a lot of damage underneath that she could not see.

You are right to lock the trailer. They are definately taking advantage of you and they should be ashamed of themselves for the way that they turned this act of kindness from you into a free ride.

We do learn to grow a tougher skin having to go through all of this on top of losing the love of our life. It is like "wisdom by fire."

hugs...
-Diana

Oh yes! Family and friends that took tools, repair people who broke as much as they repaired, unbelievable estimates for work, car repairs recommended that were not needed, etc. Been there, done that.

I also got tired of people only offering help in exchange for money or things.

When I came out of the initial fog that followed Cliff's death, I got some harsh lessons in who I could count on and who to watch out for.

Part of it is that we are widows, but part of it is simply that we are (mostly) women. My older sister goes through this all the time - especially in the South I think it's worse than some parts of the US - those "good ol' boys" can be atrocious. She has taken to having a male friend handle her contacts with car repairers, etc., because she gets ripped off otherwise. I thought I needed an electrical line replaced to my pool pump (at the Florida house) after the fence installation guys cut through it (another ripoff experience). One guy quoted me a couple thousand and told me I would have to dig up and replace my concrete deck around the pool, etc. A friend recommended an electrician they knew, the guy came out reset the voltage on the pump and hooked it to another line. Total cost - $100. And when I called the first guy to tell him I had hired someone else, he got pissed off because he was already ordering the concrete, etc. - even though I had never agreed to his idea or estimate! Sheesh!

I think you were right to lock up the trailer. If anything had happened that the trailer was involved in, you could wind up liable for it. As far as everything else, only you can decide what you need and don't, and if you do decide to sell anything, get what it's worth - sweet talk is still just sweet talk, or as one of brothers says, "Bucks talk, bulls**t walks."

Love and Hugs,
Martha

You are not alone in this. Seems like once we become widows a big sign hangs over us saying "PLEASE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME!". They act all nice and sweet but are out for what they can get from you for little or nothing. Not sure why that is but I do know they will burn in hell because the bible says to take care of widows not take advantage of them! Hold your ground and say no, I would rather not lend out anything at this time.

Love the "Bucks talk .....B walks...Martha

Its just that it had been happening this last month....an awful lot - like to me it seemed like OK 2011 was the first yr its now going on the 2nd its time to strike....It had not happened MUCH before this except horse trailer use this summer....

I started writing down the many times I called calls - 6 in 6 wks??? I did not count the snowmobile requests when the first snow came - got a couple of those


Yeah I kinda got the feeling last summer when these folks were coming & using my trailer alot I probably better put a stop to that...just did not do it...than end of summer came - and it stopped but when you get a phone call "OH we are coming to get your horse trailer Sat. bye" If they were here Sat I was snowmobiling and it ws locked.

I just too hate these confrontations but after talking w/other friends & neighbors they told me this gal (part of the couple) was pushy so watch out...which is why I decided no explanation JUST NO.

If you hear a rumbling in Eastern WA near Mt Rainier - yep thats probably ME....

You have 90% of the solution to this problem by recognizing that that is what your friends and neighbors are doing. Now that you know that, please stand your ground. Your property is yours and only you will decide when to sell anything or loan anything. People sometimes think that because our husbands died that we are in a hurry to get rid of things that belonged to them and we would give them away or sell them for nothing. I don't know why they think that way, but it seems they think they are helping you by offering to take things off your hands that you might not want to get rid of. Let them know where you stand. You have a plan and it sounds like a good one. Don't let anyone take advantage of you. Hugs!

My father got well over 30,000 from me then told me it was nothing while asking for even more. I was in such grief for a while that I just gave it to him. Now I'm not in a good financial situation and am heavily in debt. Still he comes--"If you don't give me money I won't eat." I don't have money for medication this month so I'll do without." "I'm about to lose the house because I can't pay the tax." I'm about to lose the house because I didn't pay the notes." "Give me...I need...Nobody ever does anything for me."

Here's my reply: I'm a commissioned sales person who didn't get a check last month. You get 5000 without lifting a finger."
Then I end up buying medication and food and going without myself.

Then I started recording his conversations and saying no. Now, if he goes without eating and medication and I find out about it. I'll give the tape to his doctor and have him put in a nursing home. I hate doing it, but I'm not going to watch him starve or go without meds. By the way, he uses his money to buy stupid things and routinely gives it a way to others who ask him for money.

I am so sorry that so many of my friends here have had to go through this. I can honestly say that I have not had any of this...my support network consists of my 4 siblings and their spouses (all of who would do ANYTHING for me!) plus my parents are still a stone's throw away and in good health and my son and his fiance come and help if I need them....
One of my husband's best friends is a contractor and I had him do work on the house and I KNOW he would not take advantage...in fact, I thought his prices were extremely resonable....
However, if I ever DID have someone come and start to think they could run all over me and what is my personal property I would be on the same page as the rest of you! JUST SAY NO!
Sometimes the out and out audacity of people is just repulsive.
Way to take a stand, Nicker! I would have loved to be hiding behind a tree when they came to "borrow" your trailer on Sat.!!!
hugs...Jill

I've had people try to scam me - including my own dentist. I'll bet they wouldn't have done this if my husband was still here.

The carpet store owner who put my kitchen floor in stood in my kitchen and said oh we'll take care of it when I had a problem then sent me a letter washing his hands of everything. I later found out that he was mad because Jim died and was unable to fix his forklift. I figure he will get it in the end if that's the way he treats his customers like that. I have heard he does.....

At Les` memorial his only relative to show up, was his nephew wanting his gold jewelry - as he (I) didn`t need it any more!
People seem to think since I am alone now, that they can ask for my time, and seem to think I have more of it now (?)
If I did not have to work so much, I would love to go up the pass and snow-mo with you! (But I would ask nice!) G-

I am very new in the widow status so so far I can't say but I felt terribly treated when my husband was so ill.....there were truly some angels on earth and for those I am eternally grateful but I felt terribly treated by whole bunches and segments of the medical community. I have medical PTSD.......

I have to say I never feel used.

Anything that anyone wants/needs to use of mine they are welcome to use and my friends/family respond similarly. In the end it is all just stuff -and when we are gone someone else will be boxing it up...hauling it off...storing it or throwing it away.

People, friendships, family...so much more important than stuff. Just my 2 cents.

(((love and light)))

Carla

yspyg45, I understand about your statements about "stuff" and things that really matter. However, how we use/borrow/take/steal from others gets into an issue of "respect". We are people, not robots, and for someone to abuse us by taking or attempting to take our "stuff" is not just about the "stuff". It shows extreme disrepect to people. And that is way more about things that really matter rather than about "stuff". My opinion.

The only way we can be used is if we allow it. I don't allow it.

Maggie