Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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different place same me

avmom
avmom

So, I finally made it. I have moved my family 2,800 miles away. I have been in my new home for exactly one week. My former home closed yesterday, so I can't go home even if I wanted to. The boys are settling in as best as they can. It is nice to see them playing with their cousins, they have only seen them a handful of times since they were born. Someone asked me yesterday if I feel different and I have to say no. Yes, I am happy not to be in the home my husband passed away in or having to pass the hospital everyday he spent weeks in. But in the end, me and my feeling of grief are still the same. I haven't really cried too much since I have been here. Today was the first day since my husband died that I woke up and I wasn't worrying about a problem. Probate, the move, it has all weighed heavily on my mind. 


I did have a thought, do I put up my husbands picture? I never had too many pictures up before. I had one of him and I holding our son as an infant, which I am sure I will put out. I blew up a picture of his face which I used for his memorial. I had it in the house before we moved but it was in our formal living room and really no one went in there. But this house is so much smaller. Would it be wrong not to put it out? His urn is another thing, but I just might put that in my bedroom. These are just the stupid things that go through my head. He will never be forgotten in my heart but I don't think I want a constant reminder everyday.

Mod66
Mod66
I know exactly what your going through I have a picture of my wife as a screen saver on my phone and it kills me every time I look at it. I don't want to take it off of the phone but the pain of knowing what I lost is what hurts. I also have the urn problem she told me to put her ashes someplace that was special to both of us and I haven't decided where that is gonna be so I keep her urn in the closet for now. I'm glad to here your move went good.I hope you find some peace in your new surroundings remember one day at a time and sometimes one moment at a time.
vwidow
vwidow
av, the urn is a daily reminder isn't it? Sad to be sleeping beside your husband's ashes instead of him! I too have had to drive past the hospital where my husband spent weeks (2 1/2 months) everytime I go to work. I think I unconsciously go a different route now that I am thinking about it. And today is the day a year ago that a doctor called to tell me he was in that hospital. My husband went silent for 17 days after telling me he was ill. (He was living with his family)
Anyway, I'm glad this move for you has relieved some of the issues.
I never really had photos of my husband up either. He gave me a vintage picture of his father's mother (she died when his dad was 9) and I still have that atop my refrig. She looks like my husb.-- same nose.
Oh well, may your days be brighter everyone and our hearts lighter. I read something which struck me to tears of joy mixed with sadness even though I don't think the words were referring to what I am thinking but maybe they are!

"...to appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them a garland for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness"
Isaiah 6:3
Cavewifelost
Cavewifelost
avmom, glad to hear you're settling into your new home. I know you've had a really rough go of it and I hope your new surroundings and your family will ease some of your burden. As far as the picture and urn go, I think whatever your heart tells you to do is the right thing. You left an old life behind for a new one. You still grieve, but it's lessened. If you don't want the day to day reminders of the past I don't think there's one thing wrong with that! I wish you the best. Take care of yourself. <3 Anita
roxanne809
roxanne809
avmom, I am glad to see that you have finally posted. I had wondered how things were going for you and your family. As for your husband's ashes and picture, do what you feel is right for you. My husband's ashes are in his father's old lunchbox on my mantle; his picture taken on our last trip to see his sister and daughter in Illinois sits beside it. I spend most of my time here in the living room (even sleep on the couch a good bit of the time) so I like them where I feel close to him. It's a personal choice, though. If the bedroom feels right for you for your husband's urn, put it in the bedroom. As for your husband's picture, you don't have to display it if it makes you feel sad. He will always be in your heart. You should be proud of what you have accomplished since your husband's death. Keep coming here for support. We all care. Roxanne
Kimberlina
Kimberlina
avmom, Nice to know you made it to your new destination. Having family close will be a blessing of itself. I do have pictures of my husband up but as of late I also wonder if I should bring some down. I know that as we are going through the journey it is helpful to hear how others have dealt with these Items. I had to keep my husbands ashes at home for they were not ready when my daughter went back home. She was going to keep them for me until we found a place and a date. I personally could not wait for them to be out of my home. For 2 months they were in my garage. I can personally say I was relieved once we spread them and was no longer afraid to go into my garage. I pray that your new home will bring you many new wonderful memories. Take care. Kim
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