I agree with everyone - and feel so inadequate that I didn't help my friends, and family more. My friends Mother in Law who has been married before, is now facing life with her husband (97) in a nursing facility. She is younger - much younger, and because she was married before, and has children and a life from the other marriage, people kind of discount her, and think about the 97 year old. We went to an event, and she was there. She mentioned Jerry, and his death. All of a sudden she said ''I am so mad''. I didn't even ask her why, (I am sure that she knew that she was going to lose her husband any day). I then realized the depth of our hurt - everyone - no matter what the circumstances. I hugged her tight. Didn't know what else to do. She thanked me. We understand. We understand. I didn't unfortunately until I went through it myself. Don't beat yourself up - just be there the best you can. Vicki

in my opinion: being divorced twice is nothing like becoming a widow,
it's a total different feeling, what you deal with. With the ex's, there was anger over the way they treated me, acted towards me and I was ready to be rid of them but with bigbear, missing him, the loneliness is sometimes overbearing....never will be over him.

I always felt a little ackward when expressing sympathy to those who lost a spouse, child, or someone very close. Now that I am familiar with that pain, I hope to be able to reach out more to those in the future. I could never have imagined how gut-wrenching and painful losing a spouse could be. I am thankful to have known my husband and the chance to spend the years we shared together. While I have found peace about it, I will never stop missing him.I never thought that feeling could still be so intense after a couple years. Guess it's something we have to accept and learn to deal with. I really did not understand what others were going through.

We've been forged by fire. Watching my mother die was anguish, watching my husband die was beyond that. I remember in the first months, I would think I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy. I don't have the words for anyone. I just listen. Just like I wanted to be listened to, and still do. It's beyond words, sometimes. We're never prepared.

None of us had a clue what being a widow/er was like before it happened to us!! Just as people who have NOT lost a spouse/partner ~~ still don't have a clue ~~ and certainly don't want to know.

I always felt terribly sad for people losing loved ones, but, now ~~ when I hear of anyone losing a loved one, it HURTS me, as well as being sad.

My Mother was a widow for 23 yrs. after being married for 46 yrs. I remember being concerned about her right after Daddy died. Mother was so strong and I know that I didn't have any idea how tough his death really was for her.

The 'blame' game won't help us either ~~ about not realizing how hard this journey is for others before it happened to us. We couldn't know, and, of course, still wish we didn't.

This journey is DEFINITELY TOUGH!!

Hugs, Joely

What a great topic. It is so revealing to know what we didn't want to know. How many lost opportunities to be a good friend, cousin, sister, brother or daughter/son have we all experienced? I know I am much more aware of others' pain and sadness and somehow that helps me deal with mine... I still wish I didn't know!

I too did not understand and I apologized to my friend who lost her husband a year before I lost mine. I apologized for not being there for her like I should have. When I saw a man on TV in Japan say he lost his wife and son and he said he couldnt take it anymore. He just broken down crying. I could feel his pain. All I wanted to do was hug him!! So sad and devestating. I pray for all of us.