Hi Nicker,
You should know this comes with the territory. Dang it anyway! People that have not suffered our loss just have no clue. I know I didn't. They don't know what to say, what you're feeling, they are absolutely blind and clueless. Again I say, so was I. I think it is our society - our maybe it is just this huge ignorance. No one speaks of death, no one prepares us for death of our spouse, and before that happens to anyone else, they don't want to even consider that future, so they leave us alone -- clueless as to how that just intensifies our pain. I'm only about 3 months into this, but I've already experienced that being where we were a couple is no longer the place for me. Too many memories, too much sadness, too much just being left alone. Can't say much else, other than I understand now and see it happening. Sadly, I know I used to do it to others (Why can't they just get over it - enough is enough). What an idiot I was. So, all I can say is, Dang it anyway! ~ Scott

You are so right Scott....I never took the time to understand what it meant to lose someone till it happened to me...So sad...And now i am broken and alone and feel the same way left alone...

I don't know if the "feeling alone" feeling ever goes - I'm at 18 months and still hate being around couples - I sit and look at them (and I know it is wrong) feel SO jealous of them and SO angry that I don't have what they have anymore.

So I'm with you on the Dang it (and a few stronger words too).

Stay strong .. you will find a way to have the social life you want but I've found that I put my comfort first and try not to get into too many situations where I am not comfortable.

Big hugs

My concern is that I'm actually getting too comfortable with being alone. I find I prefer it and am happy to spend time by myself. I would rather stay home and read a book, watch TV or do a jigsaw.

Ok, I can totally relate! Going to public places is so hard when I go alone. If I am with a girl friend, no problems! But if I sit there all alone...BIG PROBLEMS!! It crushes me to see couples together, especially older couples. If I see an elderly gentleman lovingly helping his dear wife out of the car, I want to fall apart! I wonder who will help me as I age. So I try not to out alone. I order in, or pick it up. And share with my dogs!

I know exactly what you mean Nicker. I just don't go where there are couples. I go out with girlfriends and/or to meetings of both genders. Am also looking into volunteering to have some social intereraction but nothing where there are "pairs".

My heart breaks for all of us! Hugs and Love to all, Michele

I have been to one party since January. I felt the same way and i won't do it again until i am more prepared for it. I may never be prepared for it. I hate it too! Would much rather be on my own then deal with the loneliness of being in a crowd of friends. big hug Patti

It does suck. I have my two daughters, so I am not alone. But I feel lonely every day. I do stuff with my daughters sometimes, and I do volunteer work. Mostly, I just do things by myself and wish that I wasn't alone. But at the same time, I don't want to be involved with anyone else. There just isn't a good solution for the problem. I can only hope things will get better for all of us on here in time.

I went back to work this week... That's where I met my husband, and we did the same job together as partners. I'm all alone there now and I try to take my breaks in places that differ from where Don and I took breaks. I don't know if I'll make it there... So many memories and triggers. No one understands. My heart goes out to you and everyone.

Hi, I understand that pain so much. I wasn't brave or tough at all those first 2-3 yrs into being a widower. I isolated so much, and I don't regret it. It's what I needed to do. I was super selective of what I did, where I went, who I saw, and so on. I completely avoided all holidays, no parties, get togethers, I stayed home in bed on those rough days. I knew I would just have to leave in tears anyway. I didn't cook for the first 5 yrs, until a year after moving in with new boyfriend. This past Xmas and thanksgiving was the first I participated in in over 6 yrs. the only outings I participated in were with loving friends, couples who were very close with Mike and I and were grieving also over Mike. I could face restaurants, public events with them together. I now can participate in most things alone or as a couple, but it took yrs for me to do that. I still however, find myself in heart wrenching situations, that hurt. I don't know if that will ever go away. Take care

I so relate to each and every one of you.

I know that people mean well but when they call to check-up on how I'm doing, I listen to their call, I screen them and I don't call them back. I know they're showing concern, love and friendship but to talk about Morey only makes me sad and when the conversation is over I'm exhausted!

I realize that after a while they'll just stop calling and that's okay for me right now. I want to go home from work, collapse in front of the mindless TV and do nothing. Sometimes on the weekend I just want to do housework, sleep, play a video game, watch a movie and do absolutely nothing in the comfort of my own home. I don't want to socialize, I don't want to see other couples or family members........I just want to veg.!

If I moved to a strange city where no one knew me I'd be okay with that.

Morey and I lived a full and rich life together. We traveled the world, raised children, owned and built our own homes and were madly in love. I'm one of the lucky one's I know......but, that's all changed now and there's NOTHING that I can do to make my life different, not now, nor do I have the desire to.

Roz

I too can relate. I can hardly go anywhere. I went to my cousin's wedding and everyone was so happy and there were lots of couples of course. I tried hard to be happy for my family but inside I was sick. I sat at a table with some other couples that I knew and then got up to wonder. I ate and then I made an excuse to leave. When people ask how I am I try to give short answers so I don't cry but that usually doesn't work.

All of you are brave for heading out into the world. I want to hide.

Hi everyone. When people ask me how I'm doing, I reply honestly, "hanging in there". It's true. I'm not great, or fine, or horrible either, just hanging in there. My mom asked me today if I had any life insurance. I thought it a weird question for my mom to ask me. I don't have any kids or dependents, mom and dad are fine financially, I asked her why, she said it's important to have. I let it go.