Of course, you are not alone. You have come to the right place to tell us all how you are feeling. It does not matter whether you were married for 2 years, 20 years or 200 years, the first year is awful. Do cry, it is a good release and think and talk to him. He will hear you and it will be a comfort to you. I still talk to my husband every night before I go to sleep. It helps me.

Of course, you are full of tears, tears are good and somehow cleasing even though it is hard. I always felt it was also helpful.

Share your pain and sorrow, our shoulders are wide and comforting and we are here for you.

You are so not alone. I wish I could give you a big hug. I too am having a very difficult time. It has been 14 months since my husband passed and I am not doing as well as I thought I would. I found myself wandering in the parking lot today after shopping for stupid xmas gifts and realizing I couldn't find my car! Normally this would be no big deal but instead I broke down and cried. I continued shopping and at each store and anyone who saw me would think I was just fine but as soon as I exited the store, I broke down again. If it wasn't for this DS sight, I would have thought I should have been committed! Sometimes I think my kids think that but what do they know?! I did finally find my car and I hope and pray I find my sanity again. Royalbubble, i'm sending you a big hug!!

You are not alone. Its been 1 month, 13 days since I lost my wife. I'm at my parents for Xmas but it's killing me inside to not have her here. I've been crying off and on for the last 5 hours, since I "went to bed. . I went to bed so my parents didn't have to see me losing the strong front I've been trying to keep up.

The beautiful thing about holding a love one inside of you is that a part of that person remains inside of you forever. Death is as big as a part of life as birth. There is truly a season for all things. I know that at the beginning of my journey I was convinced as much as you are that I would never fall in love again or open my heart to another man. I was in a word wrong. I have been fortunate to meet a man that has brought the light back into my life and with this man I will make a life that is full and complete. Life is beautiful and a gift that is meant to be treasured. You are young and have many years to walk this glorious earth. Find the tools to help you heal, turn to your inner self, and peace will come.
Kymberly

Dear Royalbubble,
You don't have to answer any questions about the future and what you may or may not do. What is important is now. And now is your crying, grieving time. It is exhausting. My two cents worth is let it go. I had so many boxes of kleenexs around the house it was not even funny. Literally on almost every piece of furniture. It has been 3 years for me. I sold the house and have moved into a small apartment. There are now only two boxes of kleenexs. I still cry, but it comes by waves. This is the first Xmas in 5 years (we battled the disease for 2 years before he died) that I have some kind of peace in my heart and that I am actually "happy" by other people's standard. I take everything 1 day at a time. When that becomes too much (it could become too much especially at special times of the year...) I break the day down to hours or to tasks if the hours are too long too. And regarding the "well meaning comments" from people, I tune out. Remember, you don't have to answer a question just because someone blurts one out. I was actually able to tell people, "What kind of a question is that???" and I would walk away. What the heck, people think we are crazy or losing it, so walking away from someone, they don't think twice about it. Be selfish. Be and do what it takes for you to continue taking one step at the time. Giving yourself permission to breakdown is more than ok, it is necessary. You can do it. You are not alone. Big virtual hug, Driftersoul

Dear Royalbubble,

Keep in mind that you are not alone in your feelings or situation. Our family is with you and most are hurting as you are! Everyday sucks but right now that is magnified by the time of year and the feeling that we should be happy. Good luck there! Let your emotions go as they will cripple you suppress. This has been the year of bad news for me. Wife passed, Sis in law passed and three good friends gone. Get this year out of my life. We are with you in spirit and we wish you peace and comfort. A big Montana hug to you from the Dewman. Peace be with you!

Hey to you,
You are not alone, we All care....We all go through times of crying and breaking points. You will find these times can strengthen your soul and spirit to move forward.
It's good to cry...."Tears are a language God understands" that is so true, we should never hold back. Be assured we all know how you feel. Be good to yourself and know we are here for you.
Big hug for you, this Christmas Eve......(it's cold, damp and foggy here in my neck of the woods)
Sandra.

Please don't be so hard on yourself royalbubble. It is perfectly OK to cry, cry, and cry some more. It is an emotional release that is very healthy. Ignore stupid people and their questions. You don't owe them an answer. Take one minute, one hour, one day at a time and the most important thing of all......take care of yourself and put yourself FIRST. It is not selfish and is truly necessary in order for you to become strong once more....on your schedule...not someone else's. As for remarrying....once again it is your life. You will know if and when it is right. Big AZ hugs.

This is my second Christmas with out my Tim.
I never expected to be harder than last year, but it is.
I'm tired of the crying and poor attitude.
I'm tired of apoligizing for my behavior and bad attitude.
Merry Christmas
Hugs, Sandi

I posted this on another spot but want to post it here too, especially for our widowers. It is definitely OKAY to cry. This is from GriefShare, an email I receive daily for 365 days.

Men tend to grieve alone and to express very little about what they are feeling. But keeping emotions bottled up inside slows the healing process.

Dr. Norman Peart says, Men are taught that they should not express their emotions because that is a sign of weakness. In reality, expressing emotions is a sign of health because it means you are working through those emotions. You have to be honest with yourself; you do hurt.

God wants you to pour out your emotions to Him: Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge (Psalm 62:8).

He also directs you to share your emotions with others: Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15).

O God, I know that You want me to release my emotions to You and to others. Give me the opportunity and the courage to do that. Uncork my bottled emotions so my healing can continue. Amen.

We're all in the same proverbial boat it sounds like. It's raining cats and dogs outside today . . . I feel as if Mother Earth is shedding her tears for me, as I don't allow them to come often enough. I admire those that can release and feel the sadness and express those emotions through crying. I'm still numb . . . doesn't help that I'm in survival mode and simply trying to keep a roof over my head and the bills paid while going through a wicked probate. I probably won't be able to start truly grieving until I can get out of this rut of survival angst. Cry girl . . . get it out! And be thankful for your tears! Big hug to you and all this Christmas Eve. Dayna

Royal, I hear every word you're saying and feel what you're feeling!

It's a vicious ride and one that I'm getting very tired of myself.

Yesterday my daughter and I were jabbing at each other and not in a kind way. I finally realized that it wasn't out of anger it was out of grief. For the loss of my man and her father.

There are no words or apologies that have to made to anyone for "feeling!" We were both insensitive to each other's "low" point and just kept pushing one another.

YOU are definitely not alone in your ups/downs and all-arounds.

You ask, "how do people handle the first year after losing someone?" Just like you.....one minute at a time. And, those minutes can sometimes feel like hours! And, sometimes the days go by so quickly, they feel like seconds!

It's a jumble of time and emotions that can be triggered by the stupidest things: A man was wheeling his shopping cart past me, in the market, and he was whistling. It sounded like Morey and I started to cry so hard that I couldn't see. Driving home I pounded my fist on the steering wheel because then I was so angry! Emotions are all over the place. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

Take Care,
Roz

Royal my post read:

Good luck there! Let your emotions go as they will cripple you suppress.

Should have read:

Good luck there! Let your emotions go as they will cripple you don't suppress what you feel.

Gotta love my proof reading skills! Becoming as bad a keyboarder as Harley!

Peace to each and every one!

Dewey

Thank you everyone for your support means a lot. It is nice to know you have back up behind you. Big hugs to everyone xx

When we cut our finger and it bleeds, we wash it off with water, so the wound can heal. When we lose our spouse and our heart bleeds, we wash it off with tears so that wound can heal. Never be ashamed of, or not allow, tears. They are our proof that we are still alive, have feelings and are human. After enough tears (do you believe we can have so many?), the healing begins to show. How many is enough? Only you will know when you begin to feel the tug of Life, once again. And, oh! how marvelous that feels!

Hugs,

Terry