Wendy,
All I did at 3 months was cry and on occasion manage to do something before crying again. 4 months pretty much the same. 5 months, 3 therapy session, antidepressants and I cry half of the time. Sometimes I can go 2 days without but then cry for the next 2 days. My therapist isn't surprised by it and says you can't rush it. I keep saying how my eyes hurt, I don't mean to cry but it comes in waves. She said you can't rush it, it's grief and there is no timeline. I am dealing with some issues about my reliving Rob's disease and death, and second guessing everything. Therapy has helped with that and I am not crying so much about that now, I am crying about the utter absense of his personality in my life, him, just him. Sorry, Donna

Thank you Donna. I know one day, not in the near future, I will again wear eye makeup! Hugs, Wendy

Hi,
First sound like you still are very depressed but who on this site can say they are not depressed. /i guess the plan is we work out our greif and we all have different way. If you depression is effecting you like you are not getting out of bed or you can not go to work or any thing that you need your attention and you can just not do it. The plan should first is to be guided by a physician. A general physician can help you on the dose but you should know the side effect of the medication. I would love to hear how you make out
Malia

There has not been one day I have not been up and dressed, I am also going to work, so I definately functioning. Cut the grass yesterday and today, did some planting etc etc. It just sucks. Thanks goodness for our 4 legged canine daughter Amie! Hugs, Wendy

Hi Wendy,
You're right...this does suck! I'm almost at 6 months and I still cry at least once (usually more) every day. Your therapist is right, we can't rush the grieving process. I'm glad you have Amie, our little four legged friends can be such a comfort.
Hugs
Susan

At a little of 10 months and I still cry everyday. But I did notice that I don't sob. In the beginning I sobbed and sobbed hard every day, several times a day. Now I have my breakdowns, but they aren't quite as bad. I do take Xanax if I feel like it's going to be a bad day, so I kind of nip it in the butt. My general practictioner also said that some people grieve longer than others. Some it only takes a few weeks, others it takes years. People telling me to "get over it already" also wasn't helping, but I've learned how to ignore them.

It did get worse at close to 3 months - it felt like the anesthetic had worn off and I was beginning to face this stark new reality without denying it had happened. I'm coming to 4 months now myself and rebuilding my life but feeling his loss worse at the same time. My grief counselor has told me that it can get worse during the first 6 months and then can start easing up after that, and she keeps encouraging me to look forward to the structured program I'm going into on July 8 for help with that. So I'm just hanging in there and hope you can as well.

If you need to increase the medication and it helps, that's great - no shame in that - whatever bridges the chasm between Past and Future that we're all working our way through right now.

Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

Wendy, I too am at almost three months. and yes, I find myself crying more too. For me, I think reality is setting in. I'm finally realizing he isn't coming back and its VERY scarry. whats scarry? My future without him, we had a plan and now that paln has been changed, everything I've looked forward to is gone, the intimacy, companionship and him is gone. Yes, he is still with me in the spiritual sense, but not the physical. What I would give to be able to touch him again and hear his voice. I know exactly how you are feeling right now and it breaks my heart.

Yeah, at the beginning i was in shock and everything felt like cruise control then one day i was doing housework and paused to look at one of our pictures and then i completely lost it. i cried and the crying didn't stop. then any little thing i would do, or a place i would go to, or an item reminded me of my loss and how much he was missed and cry and cry i would do.
well, i am going to be on my 2 yr mark this september and i probably cry 1-2 times a week, my nights are still pretty much are sleepless until 12:00 or 1:00 am. i write to him in hopes that my written words would resonate where ever he may be. i cringe at the thought that from now until i die i will be yearning for his presence. plain and simple i miss my husband and i want him back . . . desperately want him back. he was one of the people that defined who i was, and he was one of the people i lived for and now that void is where all the pain and sadness reside.
i feel your pain and i wish we could snap our fingers and get them back and feel their touch and love once more. keep on moving forward friend and wait for these months to pass that is all that we can do.

Wendy,
I am at 6 months in this journey and I am some better. I still cry every day but I don't have complete meltdowns all the time like I did at first. When I was at 3 months, I would cry every day...every time I would get into my SUV I would just start sobbing...when I would come through the door after being gone I would start sobbing...and when I would go to bed I would cry myself to sleep. I didn't want to take any meds...I thought I could be strong enough to get through it, but I eventually started taking Zoloft. I am currently taking 50 mg...and I don't know if that is a high dose or not, but it is working okay for me. I still cry at least once a day, but it's not the out and out sobbing, screaming kind of crying...and I can stop a lot sooner than I did before.

It's like Reply #6 said, the grieving process takes different times for different people. I don't know when I will ever stop crying, but I do know that I will always miss my Larry and my life will never be the same...but I will get better. At least I hope I will.

Just know that I am thinking and praying for you.

(((HUGS)))
Cathy

I just went to a GriefShare and someone said they had just started on 50 mg of Zoloft and someone else said that was the lowest dose and she was taking 100 mg. I find I am crying more now than in the beginning - but I think outside issues/friends are having an influence too. This would feel a lot better if I felt I had more support - but it seems like a lot of people who I thought were friends and family don't really care - and that makes all of this harder.

But I too have my four legged friend who is always looking out the window for me whether I am coming or going and is always around. If I'm on the couch, he's on the other one. If I'm in bed, he's there too. Now that I'm on the computer, he's 4 feet away. No wonder they're called man's best friend.

In the beginning I was on auto pilot. I was numb and even though I cried a lot, the reality of it all hit me around 3 months. That lasted until about 7 months (most of the time). I still functioned, but I cried oceans. Actually I cried almost every day for over a year. I did other things, but I spent part of every day crying.

At one year and two months I am not crying every day. I am at the point where I can experience happiness, (even though I always come back to the sadness). This makes me know that I will survive. It is such a long journey. I was convinced that at 1 year I would just stop feeling so sad.

You are so early in your loss. I am so sorry that you too have to go through losing the love of your life. None of us should have had to go through this and our loved ones should still be here with us.

That said...please be kind to yourself and allow your tears. I think that the sooner we accept all of our feelings and emotions and realize that it is normal considering what we are having to endure, the sooner we can move forward one baby step at a time.

sending you lots and lots of hugs..
-Diana

I still feel sad Gary will be gone two years aug 15 08 I still cry sometimes I cant stop crying Gary was are family rock.He took care of his family so good..He was my everything .Never sick so strong I thought take care .hug hug linda

Wendy I did not find this site until after the first year. Heaven knows I wish I had. I do remember that I wasn't crying for the same reasons when I reached month one, then when I reached month 3 or when 7, 9 and a year.

Tears are a vital part of this and your body is helping itself. It would be nice however if we could get a memo before the help arrived. follow your instincts to take care of yourself.

I send you a lot of hugs and prayers.