I find myself cooking all of Jim's favorites & then crying because he's not here to share it with us. He's been gone over 9 1/2 months, I've learned to go on with my life, but little things like food, smells, songs, pictures always bring back the pain & the tears of the first days.

I SO understand the not cooking. I lived on frozen pot pies for weeks but I have a deep freeze full of meat so I must get to it. I actually took pork chops out for tonight. Tough when the meat order is all packaged for 2! I am at 6 months, so double where you are. I feel your pain. Hugs, Wendy PS At least you will have leftovers!

It's the little things that tear at me. Especially when I make my hubby's favorite dishes. Thanksgiving is coming and Richard loved my pumpkin pie. Last year's T-day was an emotional disaster. I hope this year is better.

Debbie - I may just order pizza and then snooze through T-day. Ya think?

Right this moment, I am defrosting and seasoning the scrod filet and scallops that have been in my freezer since February. My husband bought the scallops. I bought the filet, just one, for him. In a few minutes, I'll cook them for my son. I have already cried. This was a dinner I was supposed to make for my Baby. Before he got sick. Before we knew. Before he died. See! I'm crying again.
Yes, it's sad. I really don't cook anymore at all. My poor son has eaten mostly take out for 5 months. But tonight, I'm going to cook for him.

Ok Powellswife, now I am cryhing with you. I remember those things so well. I am glad you are cooking for your son tonight though, I am sure he will appreciate it.
This is off the subject but it reminds me of the first thing I made in pottery class. I had been talking about taking a class for years and I finally started one a few weeks before my husband died. My first project was a spoon rest for my hubby's coffee spoon. He died before I had the last firing done and it broke my heart when I brought it home finished and he wasn't there to give it to. He never even knew about it.
But I did go on to make lots of other stuff.
Hang in there, you are not alone, and we care.

Tonight I made fajita's for my grandson and myself. It is something I would make for my husband and he really liked how I'd make them and put them together in flour tortilla's. My grand son wanted corn and constructed them like a taco. I wanted to tell him he was doing it wrong but he wasn't, he was just doing it his way. It put me off for a minute. He liked them and thanked me and said it was real good. My husband would eat and make yum noises chewing with a smile. I loved the appreciation and it made me want to top myself each day for the 16 years we were together. That is two nights in a row I cooked!

hi Wendy
Your post made me sad! Phil passed away for more than 3 months now. There's so many things that I still could not do it. Cooking is the first one on the list. I used to cook everyday. He loved eating, enjoyed good foods. and I love to cook especially when my dishes are appreciated. I miss so much dinner time when two of us were together. His eyes sparkled when seeing his favorite dishes on the the table. Phil loved beef stew, chicken curry, seafood lingunie , pasta, cake......
Fortunately, I live with my mom now. She cooks for me, cause I still can't do it. Just crying over so many little things such as going to Wal mart or Safe way by myself. We did everything together. That's why it' s so hard for me. I lost 10 pounds so far. Still don't have much appetite.
I really admire you that you could cook for yourself. Yes, for us it's been only a few months. There are so many things that we have to learn to do it by ourselves. Take care Wendy! Just know that you're not alone. Phil passed in June this year. I still cry every single day.
Take care
Kris

Gene was always the grill man...he had the fanciest grill and even cooked in the winter time. I thought he was crazy but boy the food was good.. Now I will have to learn how to use it.
My daughter and grandkids are right next door so when I cook, it is for them. Most of the time for me it is just frozen dinners or sandwiches. Eating now is only for the fuel part, now pleasure

ooops should say ..........not pleasure

Cliff died two weeks before Thanksgiving. That first Thanksgiving, friends had me and my sons over for dinner. I couldn't have coped as Cliff always made a very big deal over Thanksgiving - he would do the turkey and I would do everything else - one of the few times we were side-by-side in the kitchen. I was grateful someone else did it for us.

The second Thanksgiving, I tried to do it like we used to. That was a mistake. Me and my boys just felt his absence and it made our loss and the difference in our lives that much more glaring.

Last Thanksgiving, which was our third without him, we finally decided to do home-made pizza together - just me and the boys as everybody else was out-of-town and we were on our own. It was the best. We had a no-pressure day of just enjoying each other's company, had a great meal - no leftovers!! - and watched a movie together.

So, yes, I can recommend pizza as an option! Do what's comfortable for you.

Love and Hugs, Martha

Hi Martha,
Oh, I've done the pizza thing for Easter and other occasions when I've been too tired or the family would just prefer pizza to turkey or any other home cooked meal. Glad it worked out well for you. Ya gotta do what you can!

I can so relate to not wanting to cook for one. I have been living on frozen food and pizza for almost 11 months now. It feels especially difficult for me because the dermatomyositis took Jesse's ability to swallow very early in his diagnosis. He would fantasize about my cooking and even told me what he wanted his first meal to be when he regained his strength to eat. Instead, he is gone. :~(