Wendy, thanksgoving was 6 months for me as well. I know I stayed home and turned down invitations so I must have had that PBJ sandwich :).

Recently I was going through my recipes when I came across a recipe for "Porcupine Meatballs" It was one of Wayne's favorites and when I saw that recipe it was like somebody tore my heart out and I sat at the kitchen table and sobbed. It's such a simple recipe, hamburger and rice, etc., but he loved it and requested it often. So many memories came flooding back to me. I loved cooking for him, he was so easy to please and always complimented me no matter how fancy or simple the meal was. Miss him so much!!!
Carol

Carol, your husband sounds like mine. He loved everything if I would just cook. He was from Alabama and so poor growing up that he didn't dislike anything. He just liked some things better than others but anything was better than going hungry. He ate everything I gave him and anything I left on my plate. He loved to eat.

A great post......I have been making peach cobblers out the kazoo........never was a peach fan but Norm was so I made a couple trips to MI....like we used to do......and have found a healthy ..lol...way to make it......lots of cinnamon, oatmeal, and some brown sugar and oh yeah.left out the stick of butter............guess it isn't quite as healthy as I thought................but , if you add ice cream, you get the calcuim............anyway, now I am hooked on peaches......
L

I agree with all of you. Food is an emotionally charged topic. And all of your stories remind me of other times when I've been grocery shopping and see food that I would buy for David, take out a recipe only to stuff it back with tears in my eyes, remember to buy smaller packages and quantities. I still have his condiments in the fridge, which I don't like (horseradish, tartar sauce), but I can't throw them out yet. Food seems to trigger emotions and like most of you, I really enjoyed cooking for David - and he would eat everything and even thank me afterward! So easy to please.

Somebody mentioned tips for cooking for one. I think that's a great idea! Oh, and I don't cook spaghetti anymore. That was his ultimate favourite food. I just can't bring myself to make it and eat it alone. Or nanaimo squares. I love those. Even brought some to the hospital when he was sick, but I can't see myself making those for a long, long time.

Dear Wendy,
I really hate to be a 'debbie downer' but first I have to say I think it is really wonderful that you continue to prepare home-cooked meals for yourself and as trying as it is to be such a trooper I feel a little envious that you can even think about and actually do that to enjoy meals that your spouse loved. It truly is amazing to me. For the last 3 years I gradually cut down on preparing our dinners that I cooked after much use of pots and pans and the table setting, and the cleaning up after for 39 years (except for the last 2) and especially on the holidays. All that one can imagine, and every one loved my cooking, like baked chicken dinner, or meatballs & spaghetti (it simmered for 3 hours), smoked shoulder or ham dinner (I'm from Irish parents. I had to, LoL) , steaks, pork chops, he loved my meatloaf and either mashed potatos, rice pilaf, or scalloped potatos and vegetables, whatever you could think of I always made a wide variety, and scones or garlic bread, or only the good rolls, he didn't like them doughy. Some things we prepared together and he always loved to make the coffee that we enjoyed with pastry in the evening (that he served me?) or we had ice cream or sherbert. Everyone raved about the fact he made the best coffee bar none. (I haven't had coffee since last March) He was very particular, but he wasn't an overeater like me. I didn't understand how he could only eat so much and I couldn't understand how he could stop. Everything you could possibly think of for Thanksgiving and Christmas for a turkey dinner with all the trimmings and snacks and the home-made Banana Breads, pies etc. But for the last few years the radiation treatments caused his esophagus to keep closing. After the procedure of it being stretched which he had to have done every 2 months, he had a total of 12 before the cancer reoccured and he still ate what he wanted when he could, (like preparing our own cheeseburgers (only very well done for him) or Reubens or Italion subs) but it kind of slowed down to hot cereal, soups, pudding, and sherbert for him. The holidays last year I didn't even feel like doing the whole bit myself after he didn't feel like the big holiday dinner and our kids and grandkids getting together as it was stressing him. When he passed away, I just stopped cooking altogether for myself. I don't even enjoy eating any more but I know I have to, so I have salads or yogurt and the ensure (he couldn't finish when he had a feeding tube) because I didn't want to throw it out. I have to live, but when I start getting pleasure from eating, I start to cry and I can't finish it. It's so unbearable that he isn't here to enjoy it with me. So I just wanted to say kudos to you for keeping strong and keep going, I'm right there with you to give credit where it is due and to anyone who still cooks anymore. I do still make a big pan of lasagna once in a while but I don't eat it, I make it to bring when family asks me to go to family gatherings. Anyway, I'm glad you are able to still take care of you.
God bless and ((hugs))
ReneeArose

Oh my goodness, your comment brought back memories of good cooking days, family, holidays, and some bad ones - his illness.
I'm on autopilot most of the time. Just do things that I have been doing for years. It's fall. Time to make cool weather dishes. Pot roast was on sale, so buy one and shove it in the oven. And yes cry - but I did eat most of it. Still can't face making squash soup or lasagne. Those he really really liked. As I said in my post, pot roast was not a favourite of his, but he ate it anyway.

I have to keep going. I tell myself that because otherwise, his death would be in vain. Flawed logic, but I don't care. It's one of the things that keeps me afloat. Why did he die? So, I could go on alone? Makes no sense at all. So I'll just have to live and make sure his death wasn't wasted. Whatever..... it still doesn't make sense....

No, ReneeArose, you're not a downer, you're expressing your feelings just as we all do here. Food is emotional. My dear hubby had to have it minced or pureed the last few years of his life. Looked like babyfood and at first he didn't want to eat, but gradually got used to it. I have lost so much weight my clothes don't fit any more.

Anyway, thanks for your comments. We all do what we need to. And I hope you get back into cooking, at least for your children (and grandkids if you have any). You sound like a wonderful cook.

Isn't odd that a comfort food such as pot roast and potatoes and carrote and turnups make 1 feel so good That was also my husband's favorite. He died almost 8 months ago. I will have to have my kids here to enjoy that and recall the good time But I am sure there will be tears in the pot roast also. I don't cook as much as I use to It is just me most of the time for dinner My son works from 2-10 pm and I tutor dyslexic children at the Valley of Chicago Learning Center 32 degree Scottish Rite Masons This is very rewarding I know that I am making a difference in these kids lifes
On the weekends I go out or eat with friends
I love to cook but there is no one to eat with them I have alot of left overs that got to waste.
WOuld love to cook again for people

Todd was a farm boy 'till he went in service. He ate whatever there was in front of him. I bake bread....for something to do on Saturdays. The smell is comforting. As for cooking...I have to feed my children, so I have made pot roast. I have made it and not eaten it. Todd's favourite is the lamb stew with potatoes, parsnips, onions and turnips in gravy. I can not make this. I just can't. When he was around, Todd made the breakfast of eggs, potatoes, and rashers (Irish bacon--for those that have never had it) I have wished for times that I could just skip the whole nightly dinner thing. I just can't bring myself to give my rats that nasty can of spaghetti-O's BLEH! peace...Kaaren

Oh yes, the dreaded cooking. I am a cook. My husband was my biggest fan. Every Saturday night we would cook together. Share a bottle of wine, eat slowly and appreciating us, the food, the time together. It was like foreplay. Now, I don't care if I ever eat again. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

Hi Marine widow, dinner is hard, no doubt about it. And evenings too.

Cliff and I used to do all the grocery shopping together. Early on after his death, when I finally got up the courage to go shopping alone, I broke down in the avocados. He would always choose the avocados, waxing poetic about what made the best avocados - he was a Californian through and through. So I'm standing there with an avocado in each hand weeping - I got some pretty strange looks from my fellow shoppers. It was too much, it was too soon. I put them down and left.

I have two large sons so I couldn't stop cooking all together, but I think there was a lot of convenience meals in the early weeks. I couldn't eat or sleep, and I dropped 15 pounds. One of the clueless bimbos I worked with asked me what diet I was on and how much I had lost! I wanted to say "240 pounds and his name was Cliff..." She was lucky another couple of ladies stepped in before I went off on her...

When I did finally start making the big meals again, my sons were both happy and relieved. One thing that helped us was to rearrange how we sat at the dinner table. We used to sit 2 and 2 facing each other. After Cliff's death, trying to do that just emphasized the empty chair. I finally moved to the head of the table instead with a son at each side and we were all a little more comfortable after that.

Food is such an emotional issue for us. It's hard to find a new rhythm, but hang in there, you will.

Love and Hugs, Martha

Martha, I know what you mean about the seating. When we had company or family we ate at the dining room table and Cal sat at the head. The first time my son and his family came over for dinner after Cal passed away my son started to sit at the head of the table and his wife wouldn't let him because it was "Cal's place." It was hard that first time. Later when they came I set a place at the head of the table and told my son to sit there. I felt as though Cal would have wanted him to sit there. God bless you, Sheryl

I understand. I'm eating worse than ever because I can't stand the thought of cooking for one.

My dear Dave was the chef in our home. He made mouth watering food!!! He loved fresh green beans and sweet corn. He could also grill anything to perfection. I can't look at an ear of corn without tearing up...how absurd is that? As I got the steamer out to steam some green beans this summer I had a huge meltdown remembering that his hands were the last to touch the pot.
The holidays are looming plus our anniversary. I'm gonna try to face them like my husband would want me to. He was very strong. If I lose it though I'm gonna go with it, as it's important to feel!!!
Thanks to all of you out there. Your words are so helpful.