i'm in a similar situation to you, my wife having passed away on November 11th. These are the 1st times in 24 years, i have been alone. I literally went from living at home with my parents, to living with her. So far the only thing that has helped me on those weekends alone, once i can no longer stand the silence in the house, is to get out of the house and be around people..

Yes, its still sad, but it helped. I've been to the movies 2x in the last 4 weeks. I walked around the local mall a few times on some days.. I did eventually try to do stuff around the house, i.e. pickup some of my wife's things, but i can't make myself pickup much at a time yet unless i have a friend over to help me.

A puppy is probably not a bad idea..there's another thread , about a Dogs love, that is a perfect illustration around why dogs are awesome http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Widows_Widowers/forum/19912899-dogs-love

i would get one myself, but i'm gone at work almost 12hrs/day and that would not be fair to a pet

My wife of 32 years passed away about three weeks ago. I am alone in the house for the first time in many years. Right now I'm busy with the holidays and with concerned friends and family. Later I will have to learn to be alone. A puppy sounds like a good idea. It will give you reason to get up, go outside, and have somebody to greet you. I may get one in the spring. All my prayers and hugs go to you in this difficult time.

mtm, I send my sincerest condolences on the loss of your dear husband. I lost mine too. He was the love of my life and we outlasted most of our friends and family when it came to longevity of marriage, I'm very honored and proud to say.

I'm very lucky in that I have an amazing dog who goes with me EVERYWHERE I go! He's my Service Dog [Horton] and we have not been apart for the 3.5 years that he's been in my life. My first Service Dog was with me for over12 years and she just past away at the age of 14.

First I lost my Morey and then [Brenda] 10 months later.

I think getting that puppy is a great idea. Your life will become full and enriched by him/her.

I have family [children, brothers and sisters] who call and want to stop by but I'm so glad that I shooed them away so that I could feel the emptiness by myself. I needed to do that so that I could feel and grieve and cry, while learning to sooth myself!

Sometimes I find myself talking to Morey, although he's been gone for 20 months now, I still look for him and even think I do see him walking behind me or sitting in his chair.

I work a full time job so when I get home with Horton we're both pretty tired but we both still look for the leader of our pack! We miss him dearly! He will ALWAYS be missed!

Roz

The way I have coped is by getting a puppy right after he passed. I already had a large parrot but they aren't very cuddly. So my dog has helped me very much, and I never really wanted one before.

I read a lot of grief books in the beginning, that helped hearing how others coped. Then I got a job and that keeps me busy.

Its just one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. It will get easier as time passes.

Hugs,
JoAnn

I'm the same with you all with the the alone in the house. I loss my husband almost 12months it will be a year the 24th of this month I do not cope well with the the silence of the house either.
I agree with you decherarnie I go with my friends and all but coming home to the empty house is awful. I try to keep busy but that does not help
Hugs Vickie

I rescued a dog, they were going to put him down, because of his age. And the abuse he went through. He is the best dog in the world, he saved me.

We are never truly "alone" although we might feel as if we are. Positive solitude can bring huge growth and changes in your life if you can learn to accept it and give yourself what you might otherwise expect to get from others. I was alone for many years prior to my previous marriage and becoming a widow . . . perhaps it is easier for me to write such advice? You have many wonderful opportunities ahead to re-connect with "you" and your spirit, that I am sure of.

As for advice or suggestions? Take time to meditate, pamper self, join a group of like-minded others (gardening, book club, etc), you are already here a part of this support family! You're on the right path.

Kudos to you for adopting a puppy! I find that my furry friends give me much love and solace without requiring too much in return. They are ever so patient with me these days . . . even though I'm not always with them. I wish you much happiness in falling in love with your newest addition to the family.

Big hug to you . . . Dayna

I understand what you mean about being alone in the house, especially at night. Agree about the dog being great company. A couple of things that are rather obvious but I'll throw out there anyway - keep the tv on with the volume on low. Keep lights on if you want to. One thing that helps me more than I even thought it would is using a "sound machine." These don't need to be expensive - my cost $20. Nothing will replace the "sound" of my husband sleeping beside me, but this gives me at least a little bit of sound and is comforting. Hope this helps.

I must be the weird one. I've never lived alone in my life, but I have always needed to be alone at times throughout my life and my husband understood and gave me my time. After he died, my mother stayed with me for a week. After that, I was on my own. I adapted quickly and I seem to actually like living alone. I do keep the TV on all the time, but I even slept with it on before I married and after I married. So that is nothing new for me. I also keep a small lamp on in my living room all night so that if I need to get up at night, I can see.

When Brian died, I had a Jack Russell that was his baby and my cat. The dog was 9 when Brian died and he was GREAT company. Unfortunately, he suffered renal failure in Feb of this year and I had to put him down. He was 13. Worst day of my life since my husband died, but I got through it. Now it is just me and my onary, geriatric cat who is 16.

I have a hobby of cross stitching and I do that a lot when I'm home and I also set up bird feeders that I can see from my recliner. I love watching the birds, plus I have to watch the food supply and make sure the group stays full.

I work full time and I won't get another dog until I retire. I had a hard time with my dog because my husband was disabled and was home all day with him. Things drastically changed when Brian died. So it wouldn't be fair for a dog to be alone all day though I do miss his company. He was my shadow.

Recently, I've started volunteering at the University Art shop that is displaying my cross stitch for sale. I work one Saturday a month for three hours. That is giving me something to look forward to and be involved in outside of my job.

So though I terribly miss my husband, I'm content with my solitary life. I have family and friends that I see when I need human contact, plus all my coworkers.

Nessie from KY

I also find a sound machine very helpful. Soothing sounds like crickets, a crackling fire in the fireplace, or gentle rain, help me sleep. Dogs (I have three) are great, too, but mine all sleep in the bedroom with me, and the sound machine hides their licking and scratching, etc. (Does it seem to other dog owners that their sounds are more annoying at night than any other time?)

I actually did okay going to bed at night, but it was the evenings alone after work that were worse for me. My husband died in September, 2013, so I had that long horrible winter ahead of me. I joined a gym that had fitness and yoga classes, and I started going several nights a week. The classes had sort of a social aspect, and I got healthier in the bargain.

I am an introvert by nature, so I cope with being alone more than some people. But it is the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life that scares me. That being said, all any of us ever have is "this day," so right now, I am focused on one day at a time. I'm doing a lot better with the aloneness now that I've had time to get more used to it.

So sorry for your loss. You're right that adjusting to life alone is a challenge. My husband and I were together for 15yrs. He passed 7/5/14. After the initial hubbub with funeral and family around came the first weekend alone. It wasn't easy. Weekends that used to fly by now dragged on. I found it helpful to make a plan of action. Sometimes that included breakfast/outings with friends but just as often as not it was a household chore. I found just having one or two simple tasks to focus on made a difference. As the months have gone by it has got easier. I too have a dog and I talk out loud to her. I talk to my husband too. I often have the tv or radio on for background noise. I also have a 3yr old grandson who has become an overnight visitor. He has been a godsend too. Take it slow and take time to think of what YOU like to do, then be selfish and do it! Hope this helps. When all else fails reach out here. We're all in this together. Liz.

When I'd feel the anxiety of loneliness begin creeping in I'd look around at some of my neighbors who lost their husbands, and think of all the divorced and single people I have known. I figured if they could do it I could too. Knowing I wasn't the first and only one going through this gave me some peace. My husband and I were married 31 years and I never lived alone before. It's been 22 months for me and I'm doing ok now.

At first, I was very anxious about being alone. But my dogs and cats kept me company and soon enough I fell into a new routine. A puppy is a good idea, they provide a lot of companionship and love.

I've certainly found some things that might help. I think the puppy will be a huge distraction for me. There are many things in the house that need to be straightened up and gone through but I know that will be tough as well so I'll get to those things as I can. I talk to him all the time already, just wish he would answer me back sometimes. Hopefully I will get to the point some of you are where I will see him in my dreams. I do feel his presence at times which is comforting. I have enjoyed doing cross stitch in the past but haven't had the time so maybe I will pick that up again. Thank you all for the support.

I have my kids (12 and 14) with me and an attention-demanding dog, but there's times I am alone too, when the kids are away for activities, eg summer camp for 2 weeks. Sometimes I relish and savour it - sometimes the silence feels like it's going to crush me, and I hate it with a passion. What I do find helps is making plans with friends - this can be as simple as one or two girls coming for tea and knitting, or going out for a movie. I'm very much a people person, but small groups suit me better than large ones.
Those weekends you're alone - plan special times for yourself - a lunch out, a mani-pedi, a massage, a shopping trip, a movie... even having one special event to look forward to on that weekend will help.