Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
From childhood on.......... I was a relatively confident and happy go lucky person.
Since my husband died, my confidence has eroded quite a bit. I didn't realize how very much of that security and confidence etc came solely from being his wife.
I still put on a good "show." But the old confidence is gone and deep inside there's tons of insecurity. I'm like a scared little mouse and "second guess" myself a lot. It does no good to tell that to friends and family.
Bill and I would have talked it out and I'd be absolutely fine.
But now.........................yikes.
How do guys deal with this?
Since my husband died, my confidence has eroded quite a bit. I didn't realize how very much of that security and confidence etc came solely from being his wife.
I still put on a good "show." But the old confidence is gone and deep inside there's tons of insecurity. I'm like a scared little mouse and "second guess" myself a lot. It does no good to tell that to friends and family.
Bill and I would have talked it out and I'd be absolutely fine.
But now.........................yikes.
How do guys deal with this?
Then grief entered my life. I crumbled defeated. I tried to stand, but another wave would knock me down again. I lost the desire to even try again. My friends here on daily strength group talked to me, understood me, encouraged me, and supported me. Together did what wasn't possibleto do alone and I was able to heal. Sharon
I took over much of the work around here while Charlie was awaiting transplant. I managed much of his health care.
I thought I could do anything. I just didn't know how much his back up meant to me.
Charlie and my business are gone and I feel like nobody.
A month or so ago I tried the furnace on a cool night. It didn't start. Of course I will call the electrician and get it fixed, but if Charlie were here he'd go downstairs, take a look and find out maybe it was something simple.
I'm going to have to join Triple A because I don't have Charlie to call when I have car trouble.
He was saying we'd need a new roof in a year or two. He would have taken a look at it and decided when.
Not only have I lost my confidence, I probably never would have been much without his love and support. Everything I thought I was doing on my own was really in a partnership.
Julie
I know with me, Stan was my biggest cheerleader---he couldn't understand my lack of confidence---he thought I could do anything----I would roll my eyes (I did it so much I'm surprised they didn't get stuck). With his encouragement, over the years, I actually started to gain confidence.
When he died suddenly----I felt so bereft. My rock, my confidence, my encourager, the person who felt he was so fortunate to have me in his life was no longer here. The person I met as a great friend as a high school freshman in 1965 and started dating in 1969 and married in 1972, who loved me as unconditionally as a person can----not here to reach out and hug, reach out for comfort, reach out and share my heart-----no wonder it takes baby steps to find our footing again---- I pretty much second guessed myself most of my life---now I triple guess myself-----yet I know I am capable----we all are. I can write a pretty long list of the things I have accomplished on my own that I never thought possible-----in fact in the older posts we have listed some of our accomplishments----I need to remember that I have my husband "rock" with me in my heart. Dorothy and her ruby slippers----
So, I had plenty of confidence. Now I know - that confidence was deeply rooted in being "the Karen that was loved by Bill". His love and support, smiles and hugs etc, gave me tons of confidence.
I was Bill's wife :)
Now, I continue to do all the above BUT I feel like I'm walking around in a hospital gown with the back open and no one to come and tie up the back for me.
I've lost my confidence as a woman. I need his support and rock solid presence. You know when people say "I get you. or I get where you're coming from"..........................well Bill "got me." And now, I'm the only one that really understands me.
Now I see a city full of lights and people and I think.............I don't have anyone...........
Confidence..........I am managing,............. from outward appearances all looks well..........but I miss my best friend and lover..........and there is no validation from anyone, reallly except those who know the loss..................
L
THANK you sharing your heart in an honest manner regarding confidence. I have always been a confident man. A brave and loving man too. I still am. However when my most beloved wife suddenly and unexpectedly passed on 02/06/12 my entire world was shattered. Such horribleness, grief is!
Since then I have been spiritually renewed with a new single heart. My former married grief stricken heart has been spiritually transformed. This also includes restoration of all the qualities that my most beloved wife admired about me, her husband. I do understand what you speak of though! Sharing ones heart with their beloved spouse in a bond of marriage is not exchangeable.
I can only imagine your beloved husband would want you to remember his words when you and he talked things out. As a man I know I would encourage my most beloved wife to always hold my words close to her heart, that I shared with tender sweet her heart.
AND of course dealing with grief tends to compound what is usually doable or solvable. Lest WE forget that at times that old dragon of grief roars and then those shadows linger. I understand.
What am I saying? Good question! (grins) I encourage you to remember the words of your beloved husband. AND perhaps consider what he would say to you if you told him these words, aye!
I say that to you because I always wanted my most beloved wife to remember the strong words of love from my heart to hers. When she would her heart would soar with the beauty she always showed me when she was confident. Forgive me if I speak from left field. I am there sometimes, you know! In left field that is. (grins)
In abiding strength...
BEAR
EDIT TIME
I meant --
As a man I know I would encourage my most beloved wife to always hold my words close to her heart, that I shared with her tender sweet heart.
I told you I am in left field sometimes. (grins)
In abiding strength...
BEAR
L