Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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lovingrob 09/19/2010

I am just so upset right now. Looong story short, I have not turned off my husband's phone. I have always kept his phone right by my computer and would charge it about once a week (just not ready to shut his phone off just yet). I noticed today that it wasn't there so I checked with my kids and no one has seen it. I then went online to Verizon's website and seen that since Thursday morning the phone has been used. My son looked at the numbers being called and turned white.

He had a "friend" here Wednesday night (the same "friend" that went with him to get the tattoo in memory of Rob). Jake sent the kid a text and he of course denied it. When Jake told him I was calling the police unless he returned it, he admitted (in a text message) to using it but said he left it where it was.

Needless to say, I called the police. He took all the information as well as the copies I printed with the listed phone numbers under Rob's recent actifvity. He asked me if I wanted to press charges and I just broke down. All I want is my husband's phone back!!!!!!!!!!!!! If this punk refuses or denies, then yes, I will press charges. The cop said it would be a 1st degree misdemeanor .. I don't really care; I just want the phone!

Jake feels horrible - he's known the kid about a year and met him through a mutual friend.

I just really needed to vent to my friends here .. only you all know how it can feel. Rob has only been gone 4 months .. this is making me so sick!

Thanks for letting me rant - pray that this scum kid comes clean and turns over Rob's phone!

Pam

deleted_user 09/19/2010

I am so sorry on top of everything you are going through now this. I personally would press charges because we all know how much our spouses items mean to us. Some of us are not ready to let go yet. I know for me that logically Barrys gone but if I get rid of his things would mean I would emotionally have to accept it and at 9 months I am not ready, God Bless, Ellen

deleted_user 09/19/2010

Oh Pam, sorry you have to deal with that, and your son too. He must feel betrayed as well. I hope you recover the phone. I understand how you're feeling. While I was away after Rob's death someone stole 4 rods and reels out of the cottage. It wasn't a break in although the house was on a lockbox. Called the cops and reported it but to no avail. It felt like such a violation. Sorry, Hug, Donna

pathoflife 09/19/2010

Pam,

Like you don't have enough to deal with! I'm so sorry that this kid has no idea the grief he has caused your family. Your poor son; what a hit in the gut to know that someone you trusted did this and didn't even have the guts to own up to it when he was caught.

I hope the phone is returned to you, and there is no damage or loss of messages and contacts. I'm glad you had the gumption to call the police. Too often things like that are overlooked because it's a 'kid.' No lesson is learned, no consequences are paid, no remorse; just another opportunity to break the law waiting to happen. TJ

NewRoadsForMe 09/19/2010

What a personal violation that was. I am so sorry for you and pray that God will arrange for you to get the phone back. Sorry for your son's sense of being partially responsible. I will pray for both of you. Personal items of our loved ones are VERY important! Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

deleted_user 09/19/2010

It is really unfortunate that this person would do something so insensitive, but illegal!!! May I make a suggestions? I hope you don't get upset with me -- my husband has been gone for five and a months now -- so I know how hard all of this is and how painful. Without my knowledge, my son deleted the voicemail greeting from my husband's phone becaue he knew that I would call it to listen to the voice. Was I angry with my son at the time? You bet. Am I now grateful? You bet, twice-fold. I have realized that I don't want to let go -- but letting go is one of the first steps of starting to heal -- to mean letting go means understanding that he is in a better place an I am here alone. He is no longer in pain from his illness and for this I am happy. I have so many pictures -- but I cannot look at them yet. I want to, but I don't dare to. So, maybe this person taking the phone is a blessing in disguise. Maybe you can slowly start thinking that it is time to start letting the phone go -- he is not going to use it and I don't think you want to use it either -- I don't think I would want to. This is oh so very hard. So many turns and twists with everything. Please don't be so upset -- you are only now hurting yourself. Please consider my suggestion -- I am certain that there are a lot of other things that belonged to your husband that you can keep near you and cling to, but that will be a little more benign than the phone. Many blessings to you!

deleted_user 09/19/2010

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this unnecessary nonsense in addition to your grief. I have not shut off Mike's phone either. It is the only thing I have left of his voice. I know someday I will have to but I just can't seem to do it after just 2 months. I hope you get the phone back. Hugs

lovingrob 09/19/2010

I knew you all would know how I felt .. just like you stated .. violated and betrayed .. and of course, illegal. Rob had just purchased this phone in February (after his other was stolen!) and he used it just 2 months before he passed. I understand that some day I will be in a better place and more prepared to handle his items but not now and not because some punk decided for me by stealing from me.

Again, thanks for letting me vent and rant. I don't think the police were out of my driveway yet when I signed in to DS .. this is one of the few places I still feel "safe". Bless you all
Pam

deleted_user 09/19/2010

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. Praying that you will get the phone back.

Hugs, Carla

deleted_user 09/19/2010

Pam - I am so sorry that you have to deal with all of this. The betrayal, the violation on top of everything else. I know how you feel - I haven't turned Mark's phone off either. It's just not time yet for me to do that. I hate that this has happened and I know how badly it must make Jake feel too.
Hugs to you my friend,
Chris

myguy 09/19/2010

I have not turned off my husband's phone yet either and I have it with me most of the time wherever I go along with my own. I fully understand - it has not quite been 2 months for me. I have panicked when it is not where I think it is supposed to be.

This young man just cannot grasp the full importance of what your husband's phone means to you. You do not need this stress right now, you have enough on your plate. Is it possible to have your son call this guy and ask him to come show you exactly where he left it? Maybe if he did take it before, he might bring it back and just casually leave it in the bathroom or a bedroom. He saves face that way and you may get your phone back. I don't know.
In my opinion he should not have touched it or sent a text from it in the first place. Giant hug for you!! Will say prayers it is returned. Maxey

deleted_user 09/19/2010

Will be praying you get the phone back without having to do anything additional......................... one who hasn't been through what we have been through can't possible realize the effects of something like what he did.................................know you are devestated..............feel sorry for your son too............
L

deleted_user 09/20/2010

By all means do what you have to do to get the phone back and see that this piece of shit gets what he deserves. Confront his parents if need be. I have always believed in "if it ain't yours...don't touch it." peace..Kaaren

driveler 09/20/2010

I am in no way defending this young man or what he did. It was wrong! Regardless of WHO the phone belonged to he had no business taking it or even using it.
But I am willing to bet that he had no idea the pain he would cause by messing with it. To him it was probably "just a phone". People who aren't "where we are" cannot possibly understand how important those sort of things are to us. I hope you get it back and it all works out.

Lininsocal 09/20/2010

One of the most difficult things I did was to turn off my husbands phone. He loved all the nifty stuff it did and it was really a part of him. Not long after, his son had broken his own phone and was showing it to me. They had the same kind of phone. I gave him his dad's phone, I know he would have wanted it that way, still it was difficult. Another piece of him gone. I completely understand your feelings in this matter and if the kid doesn't return the phone I'd take it all the way. Your son should tell him just why and how important the phone is to you, perhaps it will show up. Sorry you have to go through this.
Linda

deleted_user 09/20/2010

Pam, I am so sorry that this has happened. I hope the you do get the phone back. I would press charges if he doesn't cough up the phone. I think that your relationship with your son is important right now, and so you need to talk to him and ask him how he feels about this kid. I know that friends are important, especially now, but true friends do not steal. Talk to your son and see how he feels about it, and then you might have to talk to the kid and tell him why the phone is so important to you. Maybe he will have pity on you. Then if he doesn't do anything, press charges. I hope that you get Rob's phone back, and I pray that you find peace in this situation. Hugs~Shelley

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