Hi Kurt, I'm so sorry. I feel your pain. It takes time to reach acceptance. Have you tried going out to a grief group?. It may help to get with others who are going through the same experience. It's worth a try. There are groups at Hope Hospice. Some churches have bereavement groups. Wishing you strength and Peace. Brighter days are ahead. Dolores

I understand exactly how you feel...the pain and the loneliness we feel losing our better half is devastating, overwhelming and unbearable in every way. 8 days from now will be 1 year since my husband died...almost a year of just trying to survive one day at a time. I went to the cemetery today and a part of me still hopes to talk to my husband, I know that's impossible but I miss him so much. I'm 35 years old and just thinking of the rest of my life feels impossible right now...like a curse that I cannot escape. I hope you'll find the will and strength to "carry on"...whatever that entails.

Kurt- Your pain I know too well...If I tell you the circumstances that occurred before,during and after my wife's passing, you wouldn't feel so bad and be so sorry for me you'd forget your own pain as you ponder the degree of mine.....at least for a temporary moment. There's a saying that goes " As we complain about having only one shoe, we fail to notice the one's walking barefooted around us" My pointing this out is to answer your question of what do I do now.....well, you can start by trying, forcing yourself to start looking for the brighter side of things which may or may not be there, but you look anyway! Just to keep you from spiraling further into the dark side. Read other postings as much as you can. A lot you can realize about other peoples struggles, ways of coping with the pain, the similarities of factors we all deal with and the knowing that the healing with time does take time....for others in may never come...it just evolves into something else. Friends are typically 95% fair weather only. Gloating in their still intact lives,that they don't want to be part of your misery. Family just don't know how to approach helping properly. Reaching out has a reverse effect for me. It just rubs in what I no longer have.
So at this point (almost 8mos for me), I've realized the formula to alleviate the pain is within us, rather than around us. No outside factor can influence your progress of getting used to it. Noticed I did not mention "Healing" because there is no cure! The feeling is malignant and can only be stabilized over the years. My God, how I wish we all did not have to be in this forum.....but it is what it is.....sigh! Try to stay strong and may God continue to carry us all thru this.......

Kurt....I am so sorry for your loss and the depth of despair that you are feeling. Prayformyheart is correct. The answer is found within yourself. You must reach out and look for a way to move on. You will never get over it, but can live with it. Your wife loved you and would want you to be happy and thrive.

You also need to understand that others are not able to understand what you are going through. Nobody does that has not lost their spouse to death. I know that before it happened to me, I didn’t. Others move on with their lives because their lives weren’t changed forever. They aren’t being cruel or heartless.....they just don’t understand! Forgive them.

I pray that you can find some sort of peace in your mind and heart. God bless you.....Linda

Everything takes time. Time ...at the end of this "journey" we will be someone else.I do not know who.It has been almost 19 months for me it is debilitating. I try and keep busy and i have managed to succeed so well in being busy I forgot everything. Go to work come home and pass out.Do it all again the next day Starting to think i found something i would like to do...maybe i'll go to a movie one night if i can find the energy. Trying hard to be happy but after work all i want is sleep

all the people who said they'd be there for you, none of them have any idea what you're going through.
Some of us here do.
This is the most disorienting thing I have ever been through, and I've been through some serious shit.
TRY not to let anger turn inward against yourself. I mean, just try not to give that a permanent parking spot inside.
OK, wait: um, it might rack up some frequent flyer miles, but when it lands don't give it a full hookup.
You are right, actually, no one knows who you are anymore. Not even You do. This changes us.
but we are not finished yet., not right wherever we are at.
You are up against one of the hardest milestones.
Cut yourself a little slack. please. There is absolutely no place for the word "should" to camp.
It's bad enough when everyone around us expects that we "should" be better by ________.
If we believe that about ourselves, it is the unkindest cut of all.
Be gracious to yourself.
(If you need me to read something, let me know by private msg.)

You summed it up in three words: alone, unhappy, forgotten. That's how it is.