Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Nicker07 12/13/2011

It seems with the loss of our loved ones whether it was just yesterday or years away celebrating with other family members sometimes gets not so friendly and happy.

I wish to remind everyone: just because his family wants it their way - it was your home with him or her that counted before - and whether alone, with a few family or a crowd YOU for YOU need to make it what your heart truly feels because your loved one knows what your heart truly feels and always did.

I am going to open presents with my daughter 50 miles away on Christmas eve, and Christmas Day stay home alone with my dogs, cats, and horses. Watch tv, play video games on computer, read a book, and reminiscing on how things were and how I pray things will work out....

It sounds lonely and sad and parts of it may be but its what I want in my heart and feel good about...regardless....

So please take care of YOU and your true feelings, do not toss them aside for the better of someone else...

deleted_user 12/13/2011

I will be spending part of Christmas day at my daughters. She lives 30 miles away. I would rather be alone like I did at Thanksgiving but I don't want to disappoint our 5 year old grandson. He is already making plans for him and I that day. If it was not for him I would just as soon go to the cabin and watch dvd's all day and forget about the world.
Big Bear Hug
Ralph

edithbathgate 12/13/2011

A wonderful post, Nicker, as so many of yours are. I plan to go up to my sister's church for a while on Christmas Eve. Take a walk in the woods by myself on Christmas morning and have my sister and a friend to brunch. I'm sure I'll find time for DS in there. Christmas Eve pajama party, anyone?

lovelos 12/13/2011

I wish you a blessed Christmas my friend. Bless her heart my daughter in law took over Christmas last year since Larry died in November and she has offerred to do it again this year. Both my boys and their families want to spend Christmas day with me and they are going to their in laws on another day. Larry would be proud of them, Hugs Lu Ann

deleted_user 12/13/2011

I don't have any Christmas Eve plans yet. Christmas morning I will pick up my parents and bring them to my daughter's house for presents and breakfast with the rest of my kids. I have two dinner invitations, one at my daughter in law's mom's and the other at some friends. All are within 10 miles.

RRA55 12/13/2011

Very special to hear about everyone's plans for Christmas. What a joyus, yet sad time it seems. I will be going to my daughter's & son-in-laws for Christmas day. No invitation for Christmas Eve anywhere, so will stay home by myself. I am OK with that as I need time to reflect and try to get my emtions in tact. My son & his wife along with their two young children will be there, as well as my husband's Mother and sister. I stayed home for Thanksgiving and it did not go over too well with the children. I will do my best for Christmas Day. I have a special candle I had made for him, and a special ornament for each of the children I had made that say's it's from their Dad from Heaven. I am hoping they can hang it each year as a rememberance of him. I wish you all the best with the Holiday season and hope for peace in the New Year.

Hugs to All,

Robin

deleted_user 12/13/2011

Nicker, thank you for the reminder.
Sometimes it is easier to "give in" rather than do what your heart tells you to do.

That said, on Thanksgiving, I wanted to go see mom in the nursing home in the morning. Then, I was going to go home and be with my kitties, and just do as you will be doing, reflect and pray, and chill.
I ended up seeing mom the day before, and going to my daughters' 75 miles away on Thanksgiving, and bringing 2 grandsons home for 4 days. It brought me so much joy.
Going to do it all over again Christmas, but, they can stay for a week:)
These 2 and their grandpa were so great together. It makes it so easy to talk about him, naturally, and with a happy (though Heavy) heart.

Wishing you, and everyone here a some peace over the holidays, including Christmas.
(Hugs)
Debi

deleted_user 12/13/2011

This is, of course, my first Christmas alone. I'm only 10 weeks along with widowhood and still finding my way. We were huge Christmas fans (mostly me!) and spoiled each other rotten for the holiday. This year I have decorated and even bought a small live tree. It cheered me up to do these things. And for the holiday, I'm having my older brother and his family over on Christmas eve for food and games; Christmas day I have an open invitation to by BFF's house to relax and drink Mimosas. I can choose to go or not go. The day after Christmas is with my Dad and his wife and my other brother and family. So I'm covered. What makes me a bit nervous is the quiet after the holiday. I think I need to plan a project or something. Still finding my way ...

deleted_user 12/13/2011

what a wonderful post Nicker.

I am right with you in my plans. i'm doing so,ething with Greg's Family the 23rd, and will be with my kids on Christmas eve. christmas Day is for me. i will go through our crads to each other, letters, favorite emails back and forth, and just spend the day remembering all the memories, and the love I was lucky enough to have.

I am sure there will be tears, but there will be smiles, and warmth in my heart, that I was so lucky. not many people get to have that kind of love, and even though Greg is no longer 'here', he is very much alive and well in my heart, and I want to celebrate that Love, and the life we lived. Oh how we LIVED!!! ;-)

HUGS to you and everyone here as we celebrate LOVE on the holiday that is all about love, in whatever way we choose to!

Diane

deleted_user 12/13/2011

Some great ideas to help us through the holiday season. I will probably be home alone on Christmas eve. Christmas day will be at my parents place with brother and sister and family. I'm sure I will be on DS so may join slumber party if one is going on....

inmemoryofhattie 12/13/2011

I have a lovely time to look forward to on Christmas Eve,,,,my son and I have been invited again this year (as we all three used to be before) to a friend in town's house.....for 'soup and savories' it is a very warm time with her immediate family and a small group of friends and their families....it is casual and pleasant, the young adults come and go according to their own plans. Many of these are folks we met years ago at Church, taught their children in Church School or Youth Group and watched them grow up and we became friends. Some folks go to Church for the Christmas Eve service other stay and talk.....We will miss Evelyn who is just a little over two as she and her Mom (my friend's married daughter) and Dad will be spending this evening with his family. I will miss Evelyn who is darling and I will miss Ron so much. I do feel blessed to have this place of the heart to go to......

samantha43 12/14/2011

this will be my first christmas without my love all my children are going to spend christmas eve with me and morning then all my brothers and sisters are stopping by christmas day my inlaws are coming the day after will be very busy but thats a good thing for me and we will be in the new house its gonna be very hard but im praying that we all get through and maybe even find a little joy
peace and blessings to all my ds friends
samantha

deleted_user 12/14/2011

We are expecting another grandchild that week, so my plans are up in th air. I am honored that my daughter would like me to be with her in the delivery room, so my plans are baby dependent.
It has only been 4 months so we are struggling to put some sort of celebration on.
My children are working together to help one another through this.

diamond47m 12/14/2011

The kids and I are going on and do the usual,it's just so sad there will be 1 empty chair,but I know Pat is with us in spirit.On the 21st we will have Christmas here in TN at my trailer with my neice,her hubby and their 2 kids,then on 22nd we will leave to go to MS and stay at my inlaws,and go see my parents and then to the extended family,so we have like 4 day's of Christmas.I am more upset about what happen's after Christmas,starting a new year without him,seems impossible.But we are looking to move to a better place about 5-10 miles up the road closer to my neice so I guess trying to find something to rent will take awhile and help give us something to do.After that I guess its all about me getting a job,The Lord will have to help me through all this,I am counting on him and I do have faith we will get through it somehow. Blessings to All

missmybrucie 12/14/2011

I will be spending Christmas eve the same this year as always. My family spends time together at my brother's home and then our kids head back to our home and they spend the night here. Try to do midnight mass. Christmas is going to be laid back, inviting all family (in-laws, or out-laws) to stop for a bite to eat and just enjoying family.
It breaks my heart for anyone not able to spend the holidays with family or friends and I wish I could have you here with me.

NewRoadsForMe 12/14/2011

On Christmas Eve, my 2 kids (& spouses) & 3 grands will be here for finger foods and opening of gifts. This has been our tradition for forever. Christmas Day I will be by myself, as Joe and I always "did our thing" on Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day was our day to sleep late and hang loose. Will be hanging by myself. That's OK, though. As long as I have Christmas Eve with my family, I can spend Christmas Day reflecting on all the love and funny times we had the night before. Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates Christmas! And to everyone else, Happy Holidays!
Kathleen

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