Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
my discussion title is meant only to prevent offending any members. I care for ALL here, but just truly need this specific help. the forum designated for topics of faith is barely used.
I have not been functioning at home tasks for quite a while. things are in real disorder, messy, and this is more like a dirty disorganized bachelors place than a womans home.. grief's, depression & anxiety has taken the worst toll on me in this way. My dog has been the only physical comfort through ggrief. she can be on any furniture she wants. touching her with my hand helps me, as I have never been so ALONE in all my life. She has given me a reason to breathe, through the darkest time of sickness, grief & depression.
For about the next 10 days people will be in my home, a married couple here from dawn to dark. I know the husband will want me to "be productive". many other volunteers will be in and out, underfoot, working on my home exterior. It is overwhelming having them see the degree to which I have fallen.
some of you know of the 11 months housebound by combination of broken leg, one month hospitalzation for diagnosis & then surgery cured me of severe illness- a very rare, benign pancreatic anomoly that would shut down my brain (off & on), by producing critical &/ or life threatening overdoses of insulin. That prevented adjustment to losing my husband. So I am still recovering from the 1 & 1/2+ year of all that during fresh grief. but it does not relieve me of being ashamed. the men's wives who will here, and a married couple of my visiting friends all keep perfect, neat, spotless beautiful homes. I remember being about half that way myself. but now things are just tossed "wherever". Grief is so exhausting. Why does grief disable some of us but not others?
Pray for the Lord to cover me in His Peace while people are here. and that I can recover my mind's and emotional health.
Last sunday in church I completely broke down in deep sobbing, shaking. ladies had to stay with me in a back room.I was on my knees weeping for God to help me...could barely speak. too intense to be in congregation. then one drove me home for my safety. her husband followed so they could go home in their truck. It was a tidal wave of grief which I guess I'd felt obligated to suppress in church, That being a primary part of my marriage with my husband. It seems the Lord had to let friends see how deep this all really is for me. & I just know that. but now it is additional OTHERS having to see the evidence & results of grief & depression. please pray. I don't even know who this post is for.
Also I am not able at this time to process advice, or long replies. What I need is prayer. The married couple who are coming will be an overload of "constructive input" and no personal space or time. I'm in a fragile condition AGAIN. Whereas just recently I felt great emotional improvement. What in the heck was I thinking?
Thank you..
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Today I feel grateful. Grateful for my dog Blue (Blue Jean Baby Queen, Prettiest girl I've ever seen). Grateful I'm still kickin'. Grateful I'm finally taking responsibility for my health. Grateful I own my home. Grateful for good friends and neighbors who watch over me. Grateful to God for His everlasting love and patience with me. Grateful I survived the 10 years since my wife of 30 years...
Teddy
I got a used lawnmower recently (but new for me), & While being productive mowing lawn this morning I got confused putting the bag back on. & touched the extremely hot motor & burned flat fingerprint areas on my left hand. Is extremely painful. & have so much to do!! thankful for old bottle of pure aloe vera gel in fridge. over 10 yrs old. it doesn't spoil like food does.
To vwidow Lol at the medicine name pyretic! my town is so tiny, isolated, and in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by hundreds of miles of high desert... if that stuff was here. I would've seen it by now. we have one rite-aid, a kmart and an "owned by locals" drugstore. Vons pharmacy has nothing special (or even "regular" items on shelves).
Amazon Prime shopping is at least 80% of UPS deliveries here.
I am fading....