In the Nov. GOOD HOUSEKEEPING magazine I read today, there is an article that made me think of you: "Stop Fighting With Your Teen," It had these subheadings: "Establish Boundaries" "Understand the Kid's Mindset" "Don't Escalate the Drama" with several subjects under this. Also "Triggers to Avoid." If you have a chance - perhaps this will give you some ideas. You have received lots of thoughtful advice. Pete's list is really a good one - for any home containing several people! Hang in there -
Doye

Please don't do anything that will put you in the National Enquirer -- I don't buy it so I won't find out. (a stupid try at humor -- sorry!) I live with a little dog who wants to boss me around -- but as said before -- he's a dog and can just be ignored -- to a certain degree. My kids are grown and on their own -- thank God. It might be a good idea to sit them down and explain to them that things are not as they used to be and they need to step up to the plate and behave. The 23 year old needs to start behaving as the adulthood reached by virtue of age and the 16 year old has an opportunity here to learn a very valuable life lesson through this experience. Speak with them sternly, set your rules and don't budge!!!! Remember, our children knowing the unconditional love we have for them much better than we even understand, act out in different ways. Be strong and insist on whatever it is that you need to get across to them. If you don't want to go that road or just simply can't, I strongly suggest that you all sit down with a neutral -- such as a psychologist who specializes in grief -- and have a nice long chat together. You need to take care of yourself -- one day they will all go down their own life's path and you will need to be in a healthy state of mind in order to continue with your life!!! Kids know how to manipulate in many ways (they don't even know they do it sometimes) and need to know that there are boundaries that cannot be crossed. Please take care of yourself.

I must say I really commend the people who are going thru this grief journey and parenting at the same time. I don't know how you do it, I really don't. How you keep going and giving constantly when your world has been shattered. It must be so exhausting.
I did my best for my kids but they were young adults. My eldest lived on his own and my youngest moved out a few months after to take a job in another area. We held each other up for those first few horrible months but I must admit I'm glad I have had the time to lick my wounds and mourn free from the restraints of child rearing.
It will all be worth it one day but it is the hardest job in the world. I'm surprised to that more people haven't discussed how hard this must be.